Babies on the Brain
crystalmarie903
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Having more babies...When is enough going to be enough for me?
crystalmarie903
member
So, I have an 8 month old and a three year old. I feel like I'm not done though. I love my children, but I feel like I want another. My husband is adamant that 2 is all he wants and all we need, but I really feel like right now, I am going to want one more. I came from a family with 3 kids so maybe that's why I feel we need 3. My question is, how did YOU know when you were truly content with the size of your family?
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Re: Having more babies...When is enough going to be enough for me?
I agree with this completely. If he is truly done, you will have to respect his decision.
I think we're done with 2 but we've agreed not to make any decisions either way until DD is at least 2 years old.
Is there something missing in your life? Maybe that's it.
I medically shouldn't have any c/s after this one and we had said all along we wanted 2. We will have 2 (fingers crossed) plus an angel.
I have a 4.5 month old.
When my husband and I discuss it, it's usually him saying 6 and me saying 4, but if we can afford to have more than 4 (and if I'm not exhausted and if my body can handle more) I might like to have more.
I'm just dreading the time when I feel done....I just don't see how I could ever be done...My husband says that there is no limit for him as long as everyone is taken care of in all aspects, so I guess it's really up to me how many we have lol.
When I was pregnant, I was feeling like I wanted to be done with just one. I think I could handle at least one more (I already miss being pregnant).
It's really up in the air for us right now.
I agree with pps; if one of you are done, you both should be done.
ETA: I have a weird feeling that we'll be done with 3 though, just because I feel like our next child will be a boy and the one after than will be a girl, and then I don't have any feelings whatsoever about the sex, so I joke like "maybe we're done?"
My H and I always agreed we wanted 3. But after DD2 was born, I knew I was done. It wasn't a negative thing, like "damn this is too much work" but I just felt complete with my two little girls. I had no desire for a #3. My H was NOT done. He didn't badger me but when I brought up being done, he let me know he still really wanted a third.
Afterr many conversations about it, I finally decided that in 20 years my husband would always regret not having a third. And if we had a third, I knew I would never regret it. So I compromised. And I'm 5 weeks pregnant with no#3.
Even being pregnant, I can look at my daughters and know that would have been enough for me. But that's our situation. I know if I had stood firm my H would have supported my decision even if he had regrets.
i knew after our third that our family was complete...it was not a feeling I had after either one of my earlier child's births. I think I will always briefly wish to be pregnant again, ESP when friends are, but I know this is the right size for our family and am so thankful for my three kids.
This is EXACTLY how I feel. And knowing that my husband is, at this point, really not even entertaining the notion of another is really depressing for me...
I think I will always miss being pregnant and having a newborn. But for me, it was like graduation from college. You look back at a place that's been such a huge part of your life and are kind of sad to leave it....but at the same time, you couldn't pay me to start it all over again!
I based my family's completion on lots of factors, I'd have a bazillion kids if I let myself be emotional about it.
We kind of set our number in stone years ago. We both wanted at least 2 biological children and then wanted to explore adoption. We both grew up with one sibling and see the value in having brothers and sisters.
PP's had a good point though, that if one partner is done having children, it's kind of off the table...
I think this stuff is a battle of emotions vs. logic.
Even if you know you are done for a dozen reasons, we all mourn a little as our babies get older and become big kids. It is important to ask "do I want another baby?" or is it a "I wish my babies would stop growing up" kind of feeling?
We have two kids - a boy and a girl - and I honestly thought I would be totally done at the point I am now. But DH comes from a bigger family and as my son has gotten older I have definitely been hit with the unexpected "I'm not done" feeling. So we are going to TTC #3 and see what happens.
After #3, we are done. Not because I know exactly how I will feel, but because our lifestyle is unique (military) and I just don't know if I would be okay with long deployments and lots of moving with more than three kids. It is my personal limit. DH would totally have 5+ kids, and I would consider more if we didn't have such a transient crazy life, but it is what it is
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Married 6/28/03
Kate ~ 7/3/09 *** Connor ~ 11/11/10
4 miscarriages: 2007, 2009, 2013, 2014
*~*~*~*~*
No more TTC for us. We are done, and at peace, as a family of 4.
"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” — Charles Dickens
BFP 5/21/10, Missed m/c 7/5/10 at 11w3d (baby measured 7wks), D&C 7/7/10
Aug/Sept 2010 - CD3&10 b/w & u/s, genetic testing, SA, HSG, & Lap/Hyst to remove septum
12/09/10 BFP -- 7/05/11 DS born at 33w5d. Came home after 23d in NICU at 37w0d
June 2012 - TTC #2! -- 10/05/12 BFP -- 5/23/13 DS2 born at 37w1d! Yay full term!
Surprise BFP 6/25/14 LO#3 due Feb2015!
We've struggled with this decision since my second was born and still haven't made a final decision now. As we both feel now we don't want anymore but we've both changed our minds about a million times in the past two years.
Just because your DH says he's done now doesn't necessarily mean that's what the future will hold. I think most people with a 3 year old and an 8 month old wouldn't have more kids on the brain. I would agree to drop the issue for now and see how you feel in another year. Your mind might change; his mind might change. I think many women get baby fever when their youngest stops being a brand new baby but it may subside when your youngest gets more independent/becomes a playmate to your older child and life gets easier.
Yep. It was after I had one.