already decined shower but asked again by same person?

shellmom22

Hi ladies I've posted a few times here and you all have been very helpful.  This may end up being a dumb question but it's been a very long day and this is just bugging me.

Background: This is our first baby we did accept one shower for my side of family & our friends.  DH has not really talked to anyone from his side of the family for about a year and we haven't gone to any holidays or gatherings.  When his family found out we were pregnant they suddenly wanted to see us.  So we have now gotten a lot of we miss you and we can't wait to see the baby because baby is a part of our family and we should get to see her.  DH has no intentions of doing anything with them or bringing our baby out to see them.

Continuing on.. His aunt emailed him a few months ago and offered to throw us a baby shower.  He declined the shower and then told me about it after he had already responded.  Fast forward to yesterday I posted on FB that we finally got to order our crib.  This aunt replies under my post saying my offer for a baby shower is still here and we could do it before the baby comes to help with stuff or after so we can see the baby.  She does this all the time posts something under my post that has nothing to do with what I've posted...  My husband deleted this off FB because he said it was rude that she wrote something that should be private and he'd already told her no.

Even thought he deleted the post should I still decline the offer a second time by sending a email or should I just let it go since he already told her no before?

EastCoastBride

My advice is to not engage.  I wouldn't make a point to contact her.  Your DH seems to be handling it -follow his lead.

mben1119

Alicia0817:

I would still send her a message and decline again. Second, why are you friends with her on FB if you and DH want nothing to do with them?

I'd like to hear the answer to this too.

shellmom22

Alicia0817:

I would still send her a message and decline again. Second, why are you friends with her on FB if you and DH want nothing to do with them?

DH was afraid it would make more drama if we deleted them before.  After yesterday he has changed his mind.  Our goal sometime this weekend is to go through FB and get rid of people we don't want or don't talk to.

526SadieSadie

This is probably pointless, but is there any hope in repairing DH's relationship with his family?  I have no idea what went on and of course I respect your privacy and choices but if there was a rift, it sounds like his aunt is reaching out in hopes of making peace, that happens sometimes when there's a baby in the mix.

Just my two cents, you have to do what's right for yourselves.

1026pumpkin

I'm not sure what lead to you and DH becoming estranged from his family, so if it was something really bad (as opposed to just growing apart), take my advice with a grain of salt.  It sounds like the Aunt is trying to do something nice and extend an olive branch to try to maintain a relationship and be able to have a relationship with your baby.  You or DH should write her a note letting her know that you saw her comment on Facebook, but would like to keep those comments off and while you are very grateful her offer of a shower, you don't feel comfortable having one.

Then, as PP suggested, block her (and other members of his family) from being able to post to your wall and comments, and whatever other material you don't want them to have access to...or just delete them if you're planning to severe the relationship. 

BrianaSimons

the aunt does seem to be trying to mend the relationship through the baby. But she shouldnt be pushy especially when it comes to your baby. If DH doesnt want them to be apart of your LO life then that is a decision up to him. Follow his lead he knows them better then you and it may be for the best.

BeckyTheEngineer

526SadieSadie:

This is probably pointless, but is there any hope in repairing DH's relationship with his family?nbsp; I have no idea what went on and of course I respect your privacy and choices but if there was a rift, it sounds like his aunt is reaching out in hopes of making peace, that happens sometimes when there's a baby in the mix.
Just my two cents, you have to do what's right for yourselves.

It sounds to me as well like she is trying to reach out and build a good relationship with you. Obviously I don't know the whole story, but I do think if it was me that I would want to thank her for the offer, even if I want to decline.

Again, I don't have a clue, but do you want your child to have no relationship with anyone on your husband's side of the family?

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PinkLillyLover

BeckyTheEngineer:

526SadieSadie:

This is probably pointless, but is there any hope in repairing DH's relationship with his family?nbsp; I have no idea what went on and of course I respect your privacy and choices but if there was a rift, it sounds like his aunt is reaching out in hopes of making peace, that happens sometimes when there's a baby in the mix. Just my two cents, you have to do what's right for yourselves.

It sounds to me as well like she is trying to reach out and build a good relationship with you. Obviously I don't know the whole story, but I do think if it was me that I would want to thank her for the offer, even if I want to decline. Again, I don't have a clue, but do you want your child to have no relationship with anyone on your husband's side of the family?

This!