XP: "Why are you so stupid?"
CaptainSerious
member
A kid asked M this at his basketball class yesterday, after M apparently didn't understand the directions to a drill. At M's first school in the US, they drilled it into the kids that "stupid" is a bad word, equivalent to a curse/slur, so it hurt him really bad.
He handled it well, and told our nanny (my husband and I were at parent-teacher conferences last night), who confronted the child (and his mother when she asked what was going on). The child denied saying anything bad, but was obviously shocked that he was called out on it. M came home and was extremely shaken up about it and said he was "worried" because he "almost got into a fight." We talked about it, and he said it hurt him and mad him feel sad. I sympathized with him and told him that I'm sorry he was hurting, that it wasn't nice of the other boy to say, and that some people don't care about how they make other people feel. I also told him that I think he handled it well, to walk away and come talk to us about it.
I know I should have reminded him that he's not stupid (we assure him of this all the time at home), and probably given him some ways he could have handled the situation (maybe tell the boy he was just confused and ask him for help?), but in the moment, I didn't think of it. We have therapy tonight, so we'll address this then for sure.
But my heart is breaking. I know that M is coming of the age that his differences will become more apparent, and I am so sad that this might become a more regular thing. For those of you with experience, what should I do to prepare and immunize him from hurtful comments like this that could tear down their self-esteem?
Re: XP: "Why are you so stupid?"
Oh hon, no advice. But I'm so proud of him for the way he handled it.