Pregnant after 35

Using daycare? My tour experience..

Yesterday we did our first 3 daycare tours. I wasn't even thinking about how I would react but apparently I am super hormonal.  During the first tour I was getting kind of overwhelmed and the lady ask me if I was ok and said I looked like I was going to have a panic attack.  Well then the tears started, I was so embarassed.  She was super nice and said don't worry it happens alot.  It wasn't a bad place I was just imagining my baby being there instead of with me and its really hard. The second and third I was pretty much ok.  The second was not good and I knew from the get go I wouldn't be back.  The third was nice because it was small and only have 8 infants max.  Really I should also be crying about the price though haha.  We have a few more to look at. 

For those of you that use daycare how did you manage, was it really hard leaving them?   I would rather be staying home but that just won't work for us right now and really I thought I was ok with the idea of using daycare.  I guess just seeing it for myself made it more real. 

TTC since Dec. 2010. Me: 37, DH: 38...unexplained RPL
BFP #1 - missed m/c 4.18.11 found @8w3d, d&c @13w 
BFP #2 blighted ovum found 8.2011 @8w, misoprostol
BFP#3 - missed m/c 6.11.12 @ 9w3d, d&c revealed extra chromosome 15
BFP#4 8.10.12, DD born 4/26/13

Re: Using daycare? My tour experience..

  • It's different for me b/c I my daughter was nearly 2 before we started putting her in part time child care. I will say that it just clicked when I first walked in the door. It really met all our needs and there was just a gut feeling that we knew this was the right place.

    It was harder on me than her when we first left her. Now she's always excited to go, and we love it too. Bonus in our case is that it's also a preschool, and she'll start their program full time in the fall. 

    Me: 38, PCOS/ DH: 37

    DD born 12.21.09, conceived w/ injects and IUI

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    BFP 2.6.12 m/c 6w5d | BFP 5.25.12 c/p

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    BFP 11.20.12 ~ EDD 7.28.13

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    The first week of dropping off Nathaniel sucked.  I wore no make up to work because I knew I'd cry it all off.  But it got so much better so quickly.  By the time I had Veronica, I was ok with dropping her off. 

    I looked at centers and in-home daycares and for me, putting my baby in a center wasn't what I wanted.  We went with an in home for the first two years.

    Its hard for me to consider an in home daycare.  I guess it just seems less safe to me and less controlled.  I know they are licensed but I'm paranoid about leaving her with just one person that I don't know in their own home where things could happen.     

    TTC since Dec. 2010. Me: 37, DH: 38...unexplained RPL
    BFP #1 - missed m/c 4.18.11 found @8w3d, d&c @13w 
    BFP #2 blighted ovum found 8.2011 @8w, misoprostol
    BFP#3 - missed m/c 6.11.12 @ 9w3d, d&c revealed extra chromosome 15
    BFP#4 8.10.12, DD born 4/26/13
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  • My DD, who is now 5 1/2, started full time daycare as in infant. I knew I had to return to work but I think I was in denial during pregnancy so I didn't even tour any centers until she was born. Of the 3 we toured, we liked 2 and based our final decision on location. The center had 2 infant rooms and we liked one room a lot better than the other - just felt calmer, babies seemed happier - so to ensure we got a space in that room we actually signed up early so we wouldn't lose that spot. It worked out well because for the few weeks before I returned to work I could drop her off for a while and just get used to her being with someone else. I went grocery shopping, cleaned the house, etc. By the time I returned to work, I was comfortable with dropping her off and knew she'd be fine. There were still mornings when I felt guilty dropping her off, but for the most part it was fine. By the time she was 1 1/2 she loved going and I was actually guilty because we had to take her out for a while due to a job circumstance. I know it's a hard process. I didn't cry while we were looking at centers but I was in tears the first time I left her there. Good luck! I know it's hard but you'll get through it.

    6 year old daughter

    Fraternal boys born on May 11, 2013 at 36 weeks 4 days

  • I didn't react until DS was born, then I lost my mind. I was fine with the DC we chose and then I wasn't even out of the hospital and I was obsessing about it. We were lucky enough to have a good friend watch him until we got into the best DC in town which had a waiting list for infants.
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  • Yes - it's really hard at first, I'm not going to lie.  But it does get better.  One thing that helped us was to have DH do the drop off, and I do the pickup.  In fact, we still do it that way.  For whatever reason, most men seem to have an easier time with dropping them off than we do.  Whenever I do drop off, I STILL cry, and she's been in daycare full time almost 2 years now!  Especially if you start when they're babies, it's much harder on you than it is on them.  The separation anxiety kicks in for them around 12 months, but even then, if you just say goodbye quickly and leave, they recover within a few minutes and go on with their day.


    As for choosing a daycare, I agree with PPs, go with your gut.  You'll know it when you see it.  I would add, however, that as far off as it may seem now, you should also check out the 2- and 3-year old rooms.  We really liked DD's current daycare for infants, but there's so many more kids in her 2 year old class that I don't like it as well as I used to. 

     I still have thoughts of staying home and wondering if I'm doing the right thing.  But I know SAHM's who have the same worries about the choices they're making.  And I know my kid is doing well: she behaves well, is learning a lot, and she's as happy as a 2 year old can be.  Frankly, the kids in daycare seem to behave better overall than kids of SAHM's.  I think it's because they are used to other kids, and have to learn to share and get along at a younger age than do the stay at home kids.  My kid learned sign language (something I NEVER would have thought to teach her) when she was an infant.  They also teach them things like scraping your plate off when you're done eating and putting it away, and other independence skills.  These kids do more on their own than I would have thought they could at this age, and the daycare teachers have really opened my eyes in that way.  So that's some positives associated with daycare.  I hope this helps.

    Me - 38 DH - 38 DD - 2 pregnancy
  • Well I feel I was fortunate....after a full 3 months maternity leave my mom came to live with us till the end of the school year. (I work at a high school) I called my mom everyday when I pumped at work.  So then I had the summer off and was with little one then when I went back to work, I have to be at work before hubby so he drops DS off at daycare and I pick DS up...that helps having him asleep when I leave for work...I actually shocked myself when I cried a little on the way to work.  Now DS is about 14 mos.  and he really loves the ladies at daycare and the kids so I think it is a good thing.  And he is also so happy to see me when I pick him up and that tells me he has been happy all day.
    Me - 39 DH - 39 DS - 1 Due Date - 10-20-13
  • I cried. I did a trial morning and cried harder. I ended up hiring a nanny for 2 yrs! He's now in daycare and doing well but it was tough getting him used to. The one we picked just had a different feel. You will know when you find the right place and situation.





    6/20/11 mc @ 5wks
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    IUI #1 4/26/12 BFN
    Moving on to IVF in July
    37 with DOR...fabulous
    ER 7/14/12 6R 5F, ET 7/17 3 embies, beta #1 7/26: 147, beta #2 7/28: 326, beta#3 7/30: 422...ugh, beta#4 7/31: 607...hopeful, beta #5 8/2: 1280, beta #6 8/7: 7184 and u/s shows 1 possibly 2 sacs! 8/14 2 beautiful heartbeats! 9/24 we are TEAM BLUE!!!!!

  • Thanks for the advice ladies.  I know it will be harder on me than her.  Those of you that get to stay home from the beginning are so lucky. 
    TTC since Dec. 2010. Me: 37, DH: 38...unexplained RPL
    BFP #1 - missed m/c 4.18.11 found @8w3d, d&c @13w 
    BFP #2 blighted ovum found 8.2011 @8w, misoprostol
    BFP#3 - missed m/c 6.11.12 @ 9w3d, d&c revealed extra chromosome 15
    BFP#4 8.10.12, DD born 4/26/13
  • DS started in daycare at 4 months, but I started back to working in the office when he was 12 weeks old. My MIL had been taking care of him at our house until the spot was open at daycare.  Dropping him off at daycare the first time wasn't as hard since I'd already been leaving him at home for a month.  Now the first day I had to leave and go back to work was a whole other story!
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  • As a STM, it is easier for me to send my third child to daycare, because my previous two have had such wonderful experiences. Even though, I did not want to SAH, I did struggle with leaving my first child. However, I watched them both flourish and how much the staff loved them . I never worried, I just missed them.

     For me, it grew easier with each child. The most important thing is to find a place that is most like what you would provide at home. My kids are now 6 and almost 8 and they STILL keep in touch with their friends from daycare.

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  • It is very hard leaving them at first, but you'll get used to it.  My son was in day care at a montessorri since 10 weeks old.  He is still there now at 5 years old and loves it.  He will start kindergarten in the fall finally (public school).  We really love his montessorri/day care though- the education there is outstanding. 

    You'll know it when you find the right one.  Also don't hesitate to do a surprise visit- show up in the middle of the day unannounced to see how things go when they aren't prepared for you to visit, so you see "real life" at the day care. 

    I am hoping once my twins arrive in August to stay at home full-time now, but my overall day care experience has been a good one. 

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers Michelle- 39, DH 41 Mom to 5yo boy (IVF) Latest pregnancy- IVF #1- ER- 11/30 ET- 3 day, 12/3- 3 8 cell embies Beta- 14dpo- 488 Beta- 18dpo- 2500 7 week U/S 1/4- TWINS! EDD 8/21/13
  • Eh, not really.  I was ready to get back to work.  Being a SAHM is not/was not for me.  I need interaction with adults.  I found a day care I really liked, checked out all the state inspection results (passed with flying colors), asked tons of questions and would occasionally do drop-ins DS first year there.  Personally I think it was harder when he got older and didn't want me to leave after drop off.  But that wasn't until about age 2 or so.  
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