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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
Starfish+77
member
Struggling FTM
Starfish+77
member
My DD is 11 weeks and I continue to struggle every day with her. I am a FTM and she is fussy all day long. She is on Prevacid for reflux and is fed Similac Alimentum which I hate because its thin as water and she has had several choking incidents that we have to smack her back so she will begin breathing again.
I never envisioned motherhood to be like this. She doesn't nap well so she is overly tired. She is fed and then I spend the next several hours trying to get her to nap, then she is ready to eat again and the cycle begins.
My DH works and is gone for 12 hours each day. My friends either work or have little ones of their own to tend to. My family is no help. I am assuming she is just a colicky baby.
I cry pretty much every night because my day has been so hellish. I love her, please don't get me wrong, but the anxiety and frustration of caring for her completely overwhelms me at times.
I can barely feed myself and change my clothes each day, as I can hardly put her down.
Anyone else struggling like me? I guess it would help me to know I'm not alone. Thanks for listening to me vent.
I never envisioned motherhood to be like this. She doesn't nap well so she is overly tired. She is fed and then I spend the next several hours trying to get her to nap, then she is ready to eat again and the cycle begins.
My DH works and is gone for 12 hours each day. My friends either work or have little ones of their own to tend to. My family is no help. I am assuming she is just a colicky baby.
I cry pretty much every night because my day has been so hellish. I love her, please don't get me wrong, but the anxiety and frustration of caring for her completely overwhelms me at times.
I can barely feed myself and change my clothes each day, as I can hardly put her down.
Anyone else struggling like me? I guess it would help me to know I'm not alone. Thanks for listening to me vent.
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Re: Struggling FTM
My DD is only 4 weeks old but I have days like this. And the whole 2nd and 3rd weeks were hellish. She went through a very fussy time and I wanted to just crawl in bed and never come back out. I wanted to run far, far away and questioned every minute why I wanted kids. I even called hubby one day and had him come home early. I went to the dog park with our fur babies and just sat on the bench and read. For the days when she refuses to be put down I have a carrier that I put her in so I can get stuff done. I have no family that comes and helps really. My mom comes Tues/Thurs for about an hour but she brings my 18 month old nephew who runs around my house literally the whole time chasing/terrorizing my youngest dog. I'm grateful b/c it does give me a short amount of time to get a shower or just to sit with my arms free.
I've talked a lot with a friend from my Bradley group the past few weeks. She's had a difficult time with breastfeeding. And like you, it's not what she's envisioned. I think that's what makes this as hard as it is. What I want to tell my preggers friends is to let go of these expectations. To not go in with any kind of expectations. To take each day as a new day and just survive. This too shall pass...
It's so funny the you posted this, because I could have posted this myself. My son is almost 7 weeks old and we are going through the same thing. Our issues started out with what our pedi assumed was just reflux, but fast forward a few weeks (with no improvement on reflux meds and nutramigen), and we are going on day 4 of using PurAmino (an elemental formula for severe MSPI) and he seems to have only gotten worse. Our pedi suggested we switch to this because my son still had mucus/blood in his stool on regular Nutramigen. I am now beginning to question this whole diagnosis. We will probably be seeing a pedi GI specialist or an allergist for further testing to figure out what's going on.
I can totally relate to not being able to feed yourself or even shower at times. Some days are worse than others in our house, today being pretty rough. It sucks seeing my baby so uncomfortable and not know what to do to make it better. My only advice to you is trust your gut. I know you're a FTM, as am I...but if you have a gut feeling something isn't right, trust yourself. It probably isn't.
Hang in there momma...you're not alone.
I wish I could give you a hug. I know exactly what you are going through. I have cried so much the past few weeks and though I absolutely love my daughter I didn't imagine things would be this hard. There are days I cannot get her to nap, and she is so fussy. I can tell you there is a light at the Ned of the tunnel and it will get easier. My daughter will be 10 weeks on Thursday and it wasn't until last week that I felt things were getting better. She used to be so fussy and she has her days but things are so much better. I guess what I am saying is I know how you are feeling and you are not alone. Stay strong!!!!!
It sounds like you're having a really rough time, much rougher than I had it when transitioning to being a mom, but I can say that I've had my low points (heck, I remember standing in the hallway just this summer sobbing because we were having such a rough day). It gets better and easier as time goes on. That's not to say you won't have rough patches/moments again, that's just part of parenthood, but it won't be as hard or extreme as what you're experiencing now. Hang in there, mama!
A favorite mantra of mine and my mom friends: this too shall pass. Just keep repeating it to yourself! Not that we like to wish time away or anything, but you just have to remember you won't be dealing with these same things forever.
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I am 35 and waited quite a while with my husband to have a baby. Maybe I got too used to my life and this is a bigger adjustment than I ever imagined. Again, thanks for listening and I wish you all luck with your little ones!
Wow that sounds tough. I have found transitioning from one to two kids really hard, and my LO is 10 weeks and up until the last two weeks I was also having weepy periods most days. Some things that have helped me are tallking to others about this. Make sure your husband knows how you feel, talk to your mom friends. I found talking to my own mom helpful. Hearing from women who have been there that motherhood is really hard for everyone sometimes helped me to know that I was not failing. Definitely talk to your doctor so that someone is keeping an eye on you to make sure you don't develop/ have PPD.
Some more specific things that have helped me cope are baby wearing. I don't know if you have tried this but it has helped me so much rather than feeling limited by a baby that can't be put down just strap that baby to you and keep going. This has helped me to make sure I get out to walk everyday. I find that the combination of fresh air and exercise does wonders for my mental health. Even though it is hard to get out look into some kind of mommy and me group. There is just something about being around other women who are in a similar circumstance that is reassuring. It also feels great to see that other babies cry too. The thing is , as hard as it is now,( as the mom of a 2 year old and 2 month old) I am amazed at how time has flown and the moments that seemed so hopeless now seems so far away.
You are not alone.
People told me after I voiced fears about bringing another child into the house and tending to an infant and a toddler, that going from 1 to 2 is much easier than going from 0 to 1.
Uhm, negative. At least for me.
There are some days where I honestly just have to close my eyes and breathe. LO is gassy and will scream in the evenings. FI is gone 24 hours at a time, a couple of times a week for work and knowing that I am the only one to care for LO is stressful. Taking care of an (almost) three year old on top of that stress is counterproductive, but I have to do it.
When you have bad days, just remind yourself that this is not forever, and if you need to step away, then step away. But, again, you are not alone in this.
And to be totally honest, I was to the point that I would forget that I had a bladder, and actually pissed myself on one occasion. So, be glad you haven't done that. Just remember to take a break and walk away if you need to. Set LO somewhere safe and go outside and scream. Just remember every day is another day closer to some easier times, and fun times with your LO.
That sounds really, really hard.
First, can you find someone to help you? This is sooo important especially if your DH is working such long hours. Do Care.com or something if you don't have word of mouth and see if you can get someone to come in a couple half-days a week or something. That way, you can do errands or just have some time to yourself. I don't know how I would have managed my son's infancy without some extra help. There were times I called DH and said, "You have to come home. I just can't do this--he won't stop crying." Also, don't forget the "never shake a baby" advice of just putting the baby down if needed and letting him/her cry in a safe place if you are starting to lose it.
Second, it will get better. Way, way better. My DS was a really hard baby with reflux and eating aversions. Now, he's a wonderful little guy--a total sweetheart and such a joy. The baby stage is hard no matter what, and with a really difficult baby it's incredibly difficult.
Even now, with an easier baby this time, I don't LOVE the baby stage as much as I love what comes next. Age 1ish to 2ish is AWESOME, you just have to hang in there. Good luck. Also, if you truly do think you might need meds do talk to your doctor!!
Sorry, didn't read all the responses, but have you tried baby wearing?? Ds used to just cry and cry, so I threw him in the baby carrier and walked outside with him. He just liked the change of scenery and would instantly calm down. Also, look into joining a moms group. It really helped both of us!! I got adult interaction and Ds got out of the house. Win/win. 2.5 yrs later I'm still a part of the group! Maybe try showering before bed so you can get a head start in the morning??
Like Pps said, it gets better!! GL mama
I'm sorry! I hope things get better for you.
Like PP's said try baby wearing. If baby is crying all day you really need to just put them in a safe place and shower/eat/breathe. You cannot run yourself ragged! They will be ok, and better off with a semi-sane momma.
Drink a glass of wine tonight and cool down a little, It will get better.
I wish I could hug you! I struggled emotionally with my firstborn. It was such an adjustment for me, and I'm lucky to have a helpful husband and mom, although DH is gone from 7a to 6p and mom is three hours away.Colic has to be the worst and I'm sorry you are going through it. Some things I recommend as a STM looking back, don't be afraid to put her down and step away. If she is fed, clean, and you need a shower, stick her in the crib and go for it. Sometimes you just need ten minutes to regroup. You won't be neglecting her, I promise. Second, try to get out a little bit each day, especially if riding in the car is soothing to her. I used to make a short trip each day just to see some sunshine. Quick grocery store or Target trips, walk around the mall, just something to get out of the house! And definitely try baby wearing. I've folded many loads of laundry, organized closets, dishes, shopped, etc. while wearing my babies.
I agree with PP though. The expectation of what it will be like is nothing like the real thing. I actually feel a little anxiety for friends announcing their first pregnancies, just because I know what they are going to go through. Funny thing is, as bad as I thought it was at the time, I cannot believe how much easier it is taking care of a newborn the second time. I look back and wish I could have told myself how much better things will get so quickly. Hang in there, you aren't alone.
If you can get together with another mom or just talk online it helps SO much! Some hospitals have support groups for new moms and can drop in and join the group didn't need to have been a patient there... on accident, I found hanging out in the baby changing and feeding room at a baby store was super helpful for me. Much easier than trying to make it somewhere at a specified time and was able to talk with the other moms there, all of whom were super nice.