Is there hope for me?

ajustice25

I need to know...how many of you women have had rainbow babies after a loss..I need to have some type of hope,that I too one day will have a rainbow baby..it's been a month and a half since me and my husband lost our aria Lynn, I was told by a woman that she will come back to me,in a form of a baby boy or a form of a baby girl..I love reading post of people having rainbow babies after a loss..I'm sooo lost and different without my daughter,I feel like the only way ill remotely feel somewhat normal is to have another baby but I know I'm gonna be a nervous wreck during the whole thing..I'm gonna be scared to get ultrasounds and scared to hear heartbeats..those are supposed to be the best party's of pregnancy getting to hear and see you baby.. If you have has rainbow babies,plus share your story with me.this wld truly brighten my day and make me not be so afraid to have children.

Carolee

I had my rainbow baby in November. Being PgALL was a terrifying experience for me...I lived every day of my pregnancy in fear of losing my daughter too. Ultrasounds and doctors appointments were incredibly stressful and brought a ton of anxiety. I happened to be on PgAL with many others who also experienced late loss and talking with them was really what got me through and saved my sanity. Now that she's here, I'm still so afraid of having my daughter taken from me. I barely slept the first month because I constantly was checking to make sure she was still breathing. I wasn't prepared for the feelings that would arise regarding my loss. It made me miss Eliott so much because I see Lucy and imagine him at that age, or at the age he would have been. She was the spitting image of him at birth too. Loss definitely has taken so much of the joy of being pregnant from me, but I am so blessed to have Lucy with me. In some ways though, it makes my loss all the more painful because I know now what I missed out on when we lost Eliott.

Carolee

I realize my post sounds so negative...I should add that going through all of those fears was worth it when I got the chance to bring Lucy home. She is truly a miracle.

ajustice25

You dnt sound negative at all..I feel the same way,it hurts now bc my son which is 2 years old,I look at him everyday and see my daughter!! They are Identical twins and it hurts so bad..I definitely dnt want my next pregnancy to be nerve wrecking but just to know that I have 78 months until a baby comes and anything can happen between that time scares the crap out of me..

Heatherhah

Everything Carolee has said is how I feel too.

I had my rainbow baby Trinity 14 months after we lost Sydney. Trinity looks truly identical to her big sister she has the same color hair and was almost as big. Sydney was 10lb 3 oz at 38wks 4 days and Trinity was 36wks 4 days and weighed 9lb 6oz.

I won't lie to you being pregnant after losing a baby is so hard. You worry about everything all the time the anxiety is crazy. I poked my belly all the time just to feel her kick. I checked her heartbeat every single day usually 3 to 4 times a day with a doppler. I went in for u/s even when I wasn't shceduled and my doctor was okay with it. It truly was scary but she is so worth it. I still check to make sure she is breathing during the night. I watch her and my other kids like a hawk. I fear losing them all more so now then ever.

People expect you to be over your loss when you give birth to your rainbow but that just isn't possible and doesn't happen. Like Carolee said it makes you think more of the baby you lost.These were two separate babies two different pregnancies. We had hopes and dreams for Sydney that will never come true. Yes we have Trinity but she isn't Sydney no matter how much she looks like her. That being said I wouldn't change anything and I would get pregnant again if my DH would want me to but I will be 40 next month and we have 3 kids together and I have my 19 yr old son so we are done at this point.

I am here if you have any question!!

Heather

magdalina.h

I've had my rainbow baby and he's going to be 2 tomorrow. Aidan didn't come back to us through Lucas, but Lucas has helped us in our grieving. I'm currently pregnant again and just as afraid as I was with Lucas. The fear doesn't really go away, but my OB is my rock and she monitors me extremely closely. I go in every 2 weeks and starting at 22w I'm in there once a week until 28w and then I'm there twice a week until delivery at 38w. It makes a huge difference having an OB who cares about me and my babies.

ajustice25

I am sooo lucky to have you ladies to talk too!! Thank you soooo much! And magdalina,that's awesome that you have an OB that's willing to constantly check you.!! With my daughter I was going every week for a progesterone shot from 1436 weeks and ultrasound every two weeks in my 3rd trimester.hopefully I can be monitored as closely as you are..I'm switching doctors bc where I was at before always sent me home when I came in having contractions that were 1015 mins apart..I'm really hoping I can have my rainbow babies! Children are my life.!

ajustice25

Also magdalina,you said until u deliver at 38 weeks,they're willing to induce you and deliver you early? That's awesome! Good luck,I'll be praying for you!!

Heatherhah

ajustice25- they did my c section at 36 wks 4 days I had an amnio done and steriod shots at 31 weeks to insure she was okay if taken early. We originally decided to deliver via c section at 37 wks but my DD3 was almost 10 pounds so we  changed the plans. I also went in all the time for U/s to check her I had my MFM cell phone if I had issues. I to switched drs I didnt trust the ones I lost Sydney with. My new dr was very proactive and I loved that.

ajustice25

Heatherhah that's why I'm switching and going to a all woman's hospital for my next pregnancy..with me having these previous problems two times,hopefully third times the charm..I had my son at 23 weeks and ddnt even know I was high risk until I had him.at the time I was living in Iowa,my docs next checked me for that type of thing and barely wanted to do ultrasounds,maybe that's why they never noticed that my cervix was short..thank god,my baby boy lived and will be 3 this year.. So sad my baby girl cldnt be here with us,but I'm determined to try again,and maybe this time me and my husband can come home with our bundle of joy..that wld be awesome if I cld deliver early..

magdalina.h

ajustice25:

Also magdalina,you said until u deliver at 38 weeks,they're willing to induce you and deliver you early? That's awesome! Good luck,I'll be praying for you!!

Medically I can't go past 38w due to the type of c-section I had with Aidan. I have a much greater risk of uterine rupture if I go into labor.