My name is Meg and I have pride issues. (long)

MegSowers

(vent/advice) I've had a very very hard time sharing LO with my MIL. Anyone else is fine, even FIL. I think it's because my parents are far away (I'm in MA & they're in FL), and the ILs are 35 min away and MIL watches LO twice a week, and we see them at least one weekend each month for family events, just because, etc. My MIL is wonderful. Anyone would want her, seriously, and she has all the best intentions in the world, and has given me my space being a new mom and understanding that my mom isn't local. BUT - I grew up with just my mom, dad, and sis. No extended family around- we see them once a year. So I'm used to having an intimate family, and having things be "just us" and I'm very independent, and like it that way. Joining DHs family has been a little adjustment.

So, LO has been sick off and on since Thanksgiving. I swear she's been healthy for a total of 4 weeks. DH is kind of paranoid and a hypochondriac and always thinks the worst. After LO being in the hospital for two nights, MIL states one morning "Okay, I've talked to dad (FIL), and really taken my time to think about it, and I really want to do it: I want to watch LO 5 days a week." I think she was expecting us to jump up and down. I'm sure DH would have if I wasn't there, he wants her out of daycare because of her illnesses. I know it seems like an amazing offer. Yes, we'd save $210/week. But LO loves being with other kids and has no issues going what so ever. AND I have pride issues. I hate hearing MIL say DD did this and that, and they played this, and went here and there... 

Okay, that's it. Advice?

sharrison88

I totally understand where you're coming from and it is a tough situation. I hate hearing her current DCP tell us she's been doing something forever when we've only seen her do it once. I think that having your MIL watch her does sound like a good idea, though. If we had a family member offer, I would jump on it, especially if they're willing to do it for free.

Could you have her take LO to play group on a regular basis or set up some play dates? Are you happy with the care your MIL provides? It's definitely your decision and what you're comfortable with. I think socialization is important, but if you can find other ways to do it, it may be worth it. We've been fighting sickness since Christmas, and it is absolutely because she's in daycare. It's stuck in a vicious cycle and keeps getting passed from child to child.

SteelCity44

I know my mom wants to retire so that she can watch LO, but I'm not sure I would jump up and down either. Yes, Micah gets sick a lot, but he's getting so much out of daycare that I know she couldn't provide. She's so outdated on all of the developmental goals babies have, and she's determined that we're still feeding him wrong. I also know that DS has picked up on new skills by watching the toddlers do things. I know at daycare, they give him constant interaction. Is your MIL giving your LO that attention? That's a hard decision. Could she take LO 3 days instead of 5, or even 4? I just really love what Micah gains from daycare. I agree with sharrison though. If you decide to go for this, then you should find some groups to join to gain that social interaction.

MegSowers

Thanks. Yes, MIL is great and teaches her things... I'm hoping to compromise with DH for 3x a week with MIL, but LO would still be exposed to those germs at daycare which is the whole point... We'll see..

mkwt

My mom watches DD for me during the week, and I love it, there is no one better to care for my DD than her nana!  However, I have asked my mom if she does anything new to try and get it on video for me or at the very least don't tell me, it would just upset me more.  My DD goes to a mothers day out program one day a week from 8:30 to 2pm, so she does get interaction with other children and so far (knock on wood) she has not gotten sick from daycare.  It is a hard decision, and the reason we have my mom keep her is purely based on financial reasons!  Good Luck to you!

mkwt

mkwt:

My mom watches DD for me during the week, and I love it, there is no one better to care for my DD than her nana!  However, I have asked my mom if she does anything new to try and get it on video for me or at the very least don't tell me, it would just upset me more.  My DD goes to a mothers day out program one day a week from 8:30 to 2pm, so she does get interaction with other children and so far (knock on wood) she has not gotten sick from daycare.  It is a hard decision, and the reason we have my mom keep her is purely based on financial reasons!  Good Luck to you!

Oh and let me add that I always tell my mom, she is my child and I want her to eat this, drink this, do this, of course it is easier because it is my own mom!