Surrogate

Schell2013

I have a family member who has deperately tried to have a baby. They have tried everything and nothing worked. My heart just breaks for them. I had watched a baby story on a surrogate mom and thought well gee I could probably do that. The thing is I know nothing about what it really entails, besides carrying some elses baby for them. But how does a person feel once the baby is born, do you just give it to them and not even look much at it to prevent that potential connection to happen and make it hard. I would love to give them a baby, I feel so sad that they can't have their own.

Anyone ever been a surrogate and could give someone some advice on it? what to expect? the problems they had?

Mama-Bear

I think before you EVER bring this up to them you need to do some real soul searching.  What state are you in, some have more/less protection for the IP's. There's medical and pshychological testing that needs to be done.  Your DH needs to be on board.  Your IP's will cover ALL medical, legal, travel, mics expenses (maternity clothes, lost wages if you're on BR, childcare if you're on BR).  If you think you might feel too connected to this potential baby, don't even consider carrying for someone else.  You need contracts and each party needs THEIR OWN ATTORNEY!  I don't care if it's friend/family/stranger, the only difference is if you charge compensation, without a fair contract things can go south VERY quickly, a contract gives everyone clear boundaries and expectations. 

I'm 29w pg wtih 1 boy for an amazing couple.  I feel him kicking and while it amazes the heck out of me, I feel absolutely NO love or connection to this baby.  My IP's aren't local so it's very possible that I'll never see him again after the birth (they're 6 hours away), my family and I will have time in the hospital with him to say goodbye, it'll just be closure for my family and I.  How does your DH feel about it, how about the rest of your family?  Definitely research your buns off, read everything you can from surrogacy forums (surromomsonline.com, allaboutsurrogacy.com). 

I think it's great that you want to help another couple and I'm in no way trying to talk you out of it, but you need to make sure you're emotionally ready.  Surrogacy isn't for everyone and that's OK.  If this is something that you decide you want to do, I hope you have a great journey, it'll change your life and the life of another family forever.  Good luck with your decision.

Schell2013

Thank you very, very much for your input. I appreciate all of it so much, definately gives me some much needed direction and disussion points with DH.

Winnaforever

My SIL is our carrier. She is my brothers wife and we have a close relationship. She volunteered to give us this miracle and it took 7 months to get all the balls rolling. In PA, we had to have a legal contract and met with a psychologist. When people find out what she is doing for us, they fawn all over her, but she always says, it's feels right to do and in the grand scheme of things it is only 9 months if her life. She will not even think of receiving compensation for this. We covered all costs but luckily, her insurance covers her pregnancy as if it is her own baby. So we only had to pay the cost of legal fees and the IVF. Good luck on your soul searching! I know I will never be able to repay them for this beautiful gift!

Winnaforever

She is also happy to do this because it will give her children their only cousin. As far as the separation anxiety she isn't worried because she knows this is our baby and she is the 'oven.' Not to mention that we vacation together, eat dinner as a family weekly and work together so it's a winwin!