Anxiety

thecuddleeffect

Quite possibly the biggest psychological side effect of my loss I am experiencing right now is that I am PETRIFIED something will happen to DH and he will be taken away from me too. Like I'm the psycho lady who makes him check in when he arrives or leaves anywhere. I have even check to make sure he is breathing at night when I can't hear his snoring. (He is a perfectly healthy 26 year old man!) 

Anyone else feel this way? It's like being frightened constantly, I wish I could just put DH in a bubble since I wasn't able to keep my babies safe in my own "bubble".  

bunnybun4

Sorry you are going through this.

i have also noticed a crazy, heightened sense of anxiety....mine is more centered around mine and dh's health.  Any small symptom and I start the roller coaster of what could be wrong with us.  My latest focus has been skin cancer.  It's crazy.  I think it is some sort of control mechanism my mind has put in place after being so out of control with our loss.  I think our losses also kind of taught us an ugly lesson in how unpredictable and fragile life can be.

 I have to keep reminding myself to take it a day at a time.  I can't control what happens next week or next year...I can only manage that when it comes.  Ughghg...I know it is hard.  Hang in there.

OSUWifey09

It's getting better, but my anxiety was through the roof. But it didn't happen right away - it wasn't until I was back in work, and DS and H were away from me for hours at a time, that I really got anxious. I was having panic attacks and nightmares over their well-being. It was bad for awhile. I agree with pp that our losses taught us that life is so unpredictable; you never expect to be in our shoes, and NOTHING can prepare you for something like this.

I found that journaling and talking [either to a family member or my best friend; grief counseling didn't work for me the first time around, even though I'm going to try again next week] helped me when I was freak-out moments. I hope things start to get better for you, but know that you are not alone with this. *hugs*

lrichmond86

Ticker Warning....

 

 This has been a worry of mine since our loss as well, and I'm 14 months out.  I ask DH to text me whenever he gets somewhere safely or leaves to go somewhere else.  I worry when he's out late.  I worry when he drives in bad weather or bad traffic.  I worry about him ALL THE TIME.  For me, our loss was our first child, so if I lost my husband I would literally be losing my entire family.  Also, I think once you experience a loss like we have the possibility of some freak tragic event happening just seems so much more real to us.  I think what you're feeling is natural.  Have you talked to to DH about it?  He used to get annoyed about my constant checking in, but once he understood why, he does it without my even asking.  This is a long road.  The worry and pain don't go away, but they get easier not to think about.   Big hugs to you! 

starburst0928

I poke my DH to check if he is breathing at night when he is not snoring too! And he is a healthy 25 year old!!! My logic is if Bradkey died for no reason inside of me, it can happen to DH too,

Also living in MN, driving in the snow has become the largest source of anxiety for me. I have to lecture DH about going very slow because my biggest fear is he will spin out and get hit (and killed) in a car accident.

I think it's normal to have this anxiety, but I wonder at what point do I need to get help. I don't think I'm there yet, but I worry its a slippery slope down. 

jess123456

I could written this post myself a few months ago and I think I did. Now almost six months out from when we lost our daughter, it is getting more manageable but still something that I deal with. Like others said, this is an obvious response to this type of loss because the worst thing happened which was out of our control and so why wouldn't it happen again?

I found speaking with a therapist to help with this a lot. She recommended that I write down my irrational thoughts and read them again. I also have started to go to a meditation group which helps deal with these types of thoughts. A local support group has also helped talk to others who go through similar experiences.

It's a long road and the way I see it, it would be impossible to go through this kind of tragedy and not be changed by it. However, my hope for you is that it gets more manageable.

sand&starfish

I feel the same way! My DH and I have also gotten a lot closer in the weeks before and after our loss, so now I feel much more dependent on him as well, so the thought of losing him too makes me crazy. I've been bugging him daily about going to the doctor to get a check up and blood work just to make sure he's fine, even though he's a healthy 31 year old, and I have some anxiety at night before bed that something may happen in his sleep. I'm definitely also guilty of watching him sleep, too. I think it's just part of my new awareness that anything can happen out of nowhere, at any time, and I'm putting it all on him as he's the person I'm closest to.

silverlining8d

I feel the exact same way. SO is my rock and I can't imagine life without him and since I lost Sebastian I have been irrationally scared of losing him. I feel myself trying to distance myself emotionally from him because of the pain I know it would cause if I lost him. I don't know how to make myself feel better about this. I know it's not likely that he'll just drop dead for no reason...But there is such a small chance of what happened to my baby happening to anyone and that just makes me feel like I have a target on my back and that fate is just trying to see how much I can be tortured.

thecuddleeffect

lrichmond86:

Ticker Warning....

 

 This has been a worry of mine since our loss as well, and I'm 14 months out.  I ask DH to text me whenever he gets somewhere safely or leaves to go somewhere else.  I worry when he's out late.  I worry when he drives in bad weather or bad traffic.  I worry about him ALL THE TIME.  For me, our loss was our first child, so if I lost my husband I would literally be losing my entire family.  Also, I think once you experience a loss like we have the possibility of some freak tragic event happening just seems so much more real to us.  I think what you're feeling is natural.  Have you talked to to DH about it?  He used to get annoyed about my constant checking in, but once he understood why, he does it without my even asking.  This is a long road.  The worry and pain don't go away, but they get easier not to think about.   Big hugs to you! 

Thank you so so much ladies!!

I  have talked to DH about it, a lot, and he completely understands. He feels bad that he cant make me feel better, and checks in without even being asked anymore. It varies from day to day, but I certainly hate him driving in the MA snow!! (dang blizzard!!)

Its hard not to be a pessimist but with everything we have been through, to get PG and then for this to happen once we were FINALLY PG, its like 'well gee why wouldnt something else completely sh*tty happen to me?" ya know? 

Heatherhah

I was the exact same way and I have to say it has been almost 17 months and I am still like this. I don't know if it ever gets better or that fear really goes away. The only advice I have is understand that anything can happen at anytime and we can't control it. I know it is easier said than done because I am a freak when it comes to DH and my other kids. I make sure they are all breathing all the time when they sleep. I have my rainbow and I am not sure she ever gets a good nights sleep I touch her all night long to make sure she is breathing.

Hugs to you!!!

Heather

PinkCamino

I am so sorry you are dealing with this Cuddle. I suffer from anxiety and know how frustrating it can be. ((HUGS))