Very anxious...vent

ohlily

I'm returning to work in about a week, DS will be 4mos and will be going to his grandparents house which is great but im feeling very anxious because I feel they are trying to do things way to fast with him like for instance giving him tastes of soda and sweets behind my back. I've told them numerous times not to and all they say is lighten up and my FIL is becoming worse saying I have DS in a bubble. Now FIL is telling me hes going to give DS juice the first day he turns 4 mos because he knows hes tired of my breast milk. I feel like im losing all control because I wont be there so they basically can do what they want without me knowing. Dont get me wrong im thankful they are watching him and know they will take care of him I just wish they would respect my way of parenting and the choices I think are best for my son. They dont even care if DH tells them anything they always say you're to by the book.

FrickandFrack

I agree with PP, why on earth would you send DS there if they won't respect your wishes? I would find another solution ASAP.

NativeFloridian

I'm hopping on the "don't take your kid to the ILs" wagon.  You give all these examples of how they're openly planning on undermining your authority as the parent and making unhealthy choices for your child behind your back, then you say you know they'll take care of him.  How, exactly, do you know that to be true when it's clear they're not planning on playing by your rules?  -auntie- said it best:

-auntie-:

Juice today, car ride on grandma's lap tomorrow.

Take your kid somewhere else.

RondackHiker

Yeah, no. If they cannot respect you, you're going to be frustrated and resentful really quickly. And they might do something dangerous. Letting them watch DS would wreck your relationship with them.

I'd flip my sh!t over sneaking him crap food at four months. Where is your DH in all of this.

kmm2150

I agree with pp about looking for other options but also recognize that may be a difficult choice financially. Have you had a serious talk with them about it, separate from picking up or dropping off LO? I think there is value in sitting down with them for a real conversation, letting them know that while you value their input they have to respect your wishes and if they don't you can't feelcomfortable leaving LO with them, whether for daycare or just occasional babysitting.

There are things that I do that I know my mom thinks are silly but when it comes down to it she does her best to stick to our rules and routine whenever she watches DD and would never be deceptive about it.

ohlily

Yes I think I may have to rethink our situation it will be a real struggle but for the most part I do get along with my IL's and DS loves them so much but bottom line is I do feel like they try to undermine our parenting skills when it comes to what we choose to feed him, its like whenever we tell them something they get offended and make these rude little comments and I really wouldn't want to completely ruin the relationship we do have and I don't want to be worried about it work either

RondackHiker

I still want to know if your DH stands up for you.

monkiem

ohlily:

I'm returning to work in about a week, DS will be 4mos and will be going to his grandparents house which is great but im feeling very anxious because I feel they are trying to do things way to fast with him like for instance giving him tastes of soda and sweets behind my back. I've told them numerous times not to and all they say is lighten up and my FIL is becoming worse saying I have DS in a bubble. Now FIL is telling me hes going to give DS juice the first day he turns 4 mos because he knows hes tired of my breast milk. I feel like im losing all control because I wont be there so they basically can do what they want without me knowing. Dont get me wrong im thankful they are watching him and know they will take care of him I just wish they would respect my way of parenting and the choices I think are best for my son. They dont even care if DH tells them anything they always say you're to by the book.

You see, they are NOT taking care of him if they are not following your wishes as parents.  

As PP's said, the grandparents would NOT be watching my child - not even for TWO minutes - if that were the case.  My child, my rules.  Especially on things such as food, soda, etc.  

And to say that your 4 month old is tired of your BM?  Rude much?  Obnoxious and just nasty?  Yes.  

If I were you, I'd look for alternate daycare ASAP.  If they don't respect your choices with things like what to give the baby for drinks, chances are, they're not going to respect ANYTHING you have to say.

monkiem

RondackHiker:

I still want to know if your DH stands up for you.

This.

lindsay.lou

I thinks it's worth having a serious sit down with them about it, rather than making comments in passing.

That said, based on things they've said, I would bet they're going to do whatever the fck they want and tell you otherwise.

I know it sucks, but I could not deal with that. I'd find alterntive arrangements. Not only is this going to worsen your relationship with your ILs, it will undoubtedly cause tension between you and your DH.

ohlily

RondackHiker:

I still want to know if your DH stands up for you.

 Yes he does and they say ok but I dont think that will be the case when we arent around.