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Parenting after 35
Scramblersmom
member
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Having babies late is a blessing but stinks too
Scramblersmom
member
My DS is 16 mos old. and I just turned 40 a couple of months ago. DH is in his late 50's. DS was a huge and absolutely fabulous surprise but he is so active and it kicks our butts. We pretty much figured we would be one and done but every so often the thought of having another creeps into my head.
It would be so nice if DS had a sibling so he wouldn't grow up alone but on the other hand I feel like I barely have enough energy for DS. Also, those 2.5 mos of little sleep when DS was an infant almost killed us and the thought of going through that again makes me cringe. DS seems to be at a pretty good age now where he can start to entertain himself for a bit and things are finally beginning to get easier for us.Trying to balance my life with a LO at this age, working full time, and having an auto-inflammatory disease has been difficult up until recently. DS is a ton of fun now and such a joy. Although his energy is endless and mine is not we are having a blast doing things with him and watching him grow.
We have always enjoyed having DS and watching him grow but I guess I am just saying that I prefer this stage over the baby stage even thought his stage can be exhausting.
My pregnancy went pretty good except that I ended up with horrible rib inflammation in my last trimester and ended up having to go on several doses of prednisone. I did end up with preeclampsia PP and that scarred the bejeebers out of me. I was really afraid I might die and I am worried about that happening again. I am also worried of being pregnant again because instead of being 38 I will be 40+ thus upping the risks even more.
Anyway, I guess I am just throwing my thoughts out there and was wondering what your experiences have been like. If you are TTC for another (or not) what made the decision for you? Do you ever feel like you couldn't possibly handle another? Is it only us that feels like we are getting our butt kicked trying to keep up with a toddler? If you are TTC again are you more worried being even older this time around? 
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Re: Having babies late is a blessing but stinks too
I'm in a very similar boat! I have diabetes, hypothyroidism and a history of high blood pressure that had me very closely monitored during my pregnancy. I had a bit of a pre-e scare when they found an elevated urine protein late in pregnancy, but it turned out okay. My pregnancy was pretty complication-free and easy (despite the diabetes), but the birth (induced) was horrible: 32 hours labor and 4 hours pushing! Gaaah! I never want to go there again.
Contemplating another pregnancy is scary for me, but not so much for my husband. I just don't want to go through another induction but being diabetic I may not have a choice ... if we ever get there. I hated taking insulin for months and months (now I'm just on metformin, which is a *lot* easier), hated the way-too-long birth, hated the terrible sleepless nights of our son's first few months, when he'd screech until 5:00 a.m. in the morning sometimes! I've never been that exhausted in my life. Those are the times I badly wished I was just 10 years younger.
Our son is now super-active and an absolute delight, but I have NOT forgotten how hard the pregnancy and first few months were. That's what terrifies me. And then, of course, there's the fact that I just turned 41 so who knows if I can even get pregnant again.
But the one thing that gives me hope is thinking of my grandmother, who was also diabetic like me. She had many m/cs and a stillbirth, probably because diabetes was just not treated well those days (1940s) like it is today. She had my dad when she was 40, back in 1947! So I always think, if she can do it, I can too.
And then just recently I was talking to my GP doctor, and she told me how her first pregnancy was almost like mine, 30+ hours of labor and pushing, but her second pregnancy progressed so quickly that she gave birth within an hour of checking in at the hospital. I've heard similar stories from other women too.
But for us, the big ??? is whether we'll get pregnant again. Sometimes I think we were just lucky the first time, since we were told by everyone from my first obgyn, to the fertility specialist and even my acupuncturist, that there's no way we could conceive naturally. But I still have some hope. If I had the money to do so, I'd love to adopt instead of ttc, but my husband isn't interested in that.
I'm determined to get healthy again and lose a bit more weight, and then we'll start in a couple of moths to see what will happen. We both feel that if it'll happen, it'll happen, and if not then we'll give up and enjoy the one blessing we have!
I would like our son to have a sibling, but given my own family history I know that sometimes it's MUCH better to be an only child, lol! But whatever happens, I'm ready for that. Finally. ^_^
My rainbow baby was born 10 days after I turned 42. Not ideal but my DH and I got a late start and weren't willing to "give up" on having a baby. I would love him to have a sibling but I HATED being pregnant (nerve wrecking because of the losses) and DH thinks one is plenty. I still haven't given up on the idea of another but without DH on board I doubt it would happen. I know I will always wonder "what if" regarding having a second baby so that sucks.
My LO isn't mobile yet so he hasn't kicked my butt in the energy department yet.
I almost feel like I have more energy now than I did in my 30's.
If you think you want another one, go for it. 40 isn't as old as everyone makes it out to be.
I've only wanted one so if you find yourself with an only there are several of us who went that route, too. I don't feel like I owe him a sibling (I have twin brothers myself). Hah, having twins might also have been a fear with my first pg...and if I were to by surprise again. Only children have plenty of pros, too
I gave birth at 30 weeks so I imagine if I were to have a second I would be really nervous; I don't know what third trimester is like. I went into PTL because of extreme stress, though - not anything I could (hopefully) replicate.
Because many of the premature moms I know also had pre-e I know there are support groups out there. I had a friend IRL who carried both babies to 40+ weeks with her pre-e. Finding those might be good for you if that's on your mind.
I don't know if anything is helping but I did want to offer my support in some way.
::lurking in::
Hmm...I probably shoudn't read these posts...lol. If this DE cycle works I will close to 46 for my first. I'm really having trouble with this "age" thing since I'm always tired now
Good luck in your decision!!
ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive. Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)
DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!
TTC #1 since 5/10
BFP #1 7/22/11 - EDD 4/2/11 - M/C 8/15/11 (7w0d)
BFP #2 9/23/11 - EDD 6/5/12 ♥It's a Girl♥
BFP #3 2/20/13 - EDD 11/2/13 ♥It's a Girl♥
Our family is complete as a family of three. I don't see how in the world we could afford a second one and I SAH the first 3 years of DC #1 and I'm back to work now and wouldn't be able to do that again with a potential DC#2.
There is no energy or available time for another child. DC #1 gets a lot of attention from us and a lot of our energy. I'm 39 and would not like to go through the whole pregnacy, labor, delivery, and infant stage at that age. Also two kids in private school would be financially impossible for us, so we're good with one!
I often feel the same way! I'm a SAHM with our son too, and don't know if I can keep doing that with another. Plus, I'm not getting any younger so I don't want to stay out of the job market for too long.
I'm old and disabled but I still want to have a third baby. I had my first at 35 and wasn't immediately sure I wanted to try for a second. It was only after he turned 2, and I faced turning 38, that we decided to try for DS2. But as soon as DS2 was born I knew I wanted another. I probably won't get one since DH isn't on board, but the desire is there.
To put things in perspective, we're on the younger side of being older. I'm 39 and DH is 38, but like I said, I don't get around awesomely well so that's a huge factor in us not being gung ho about TTC.
Still, was an only child and, as PP's have said, there's a lot of positives to being one and done.
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Sorry I could not post again until now but I appreciate everyone sharing their thoughts and experiences. I am also glad to know I am not alone with DS taking all of my energy! I am worried about the financials of having 2 since daycare cost a fortune but hopefully if we had 2 then I could get in a better position to make more money by then.
I guess that at this point I am worried that if I don't make a decision soon then the opportunity may be lost. On the other hand, I do feel like we have a pretty complete family and it is nice to be able to get DS nice things and do a lot with him, all things we may not be able to do if we had 2. We are also able to travel pretty easy which is also nice.
Again, it is so nice to hear everyone else's perspective in regard to their own families as it gives me different things to think about.
Becky, I will keep my fingers crossed for you and I hope everything goes very well!
I'm 40 and DD will be 3 in May. DH is 51 (second marriage for both of us). I had an easy pregnancy/delivery and I honestly feel fine in the energy department. I have nothing to compare it to so I don't know if it would've been better 10-15 years ago as far as energy goes.
We are one and done. We had to do IVF and we are old....but DD technically isn't a only child. Se has 2 half sisters who are 19 and 21 (they lived out of state with mom and now are in college) and whom we see a few times a year. We are also raising DH's nieces who are 18 and 13 and who came to live with us shortly before I got pregnant with DD.
So we have several reasons not to want more kids (age,IVF, 4 other kids to take care of being the main ones). Had we been younger and not needed IVF I might have wanted another one but I would've wanted them spaced apart probably about 5 years. Not so much because of energy but because I am having a lot of fun with DD and we do a ton of stuff. Adding another kid into that would make it hard to do some of that stuff easily/spontaneously. When you have a newborn you have lots of naps/schedules to work around. i BF and that takes up a good chunk of your time in those early months. That doesn't mean it cant be done, it just isn't something I am willing to do if I have a choice (and if I had to do it I know I would be ale to, it just wouldn't be my first choice) So while she is not in school full time I love being able to do stuff with her. We also travel a lot and it is expensive enough with one kid. I want to be able to give my kid plenty of opportunities (she will definitely be going to private school because public schools here suck). I figure if she ends up with just a few really good friends she will probably be just as happy (plus she gets to pick those herself, unlike siblings.....
)
Plenty of people on TB have mentioned that having a sibling for your LO doesn't mean they will actually get along and be friends. DD has about 4 kids she hangs out with on a regular basis and they have lots of fun together. Her BFF is 7 months younger but she definitely acts like a big sister with her, it is very cute. We, the parents, are also really good friends so that makes it really nice. She is in daycare 3 mornings a week and get the socialization there. I will do my best not to turn her into a self absorbed, entitled little snot (but of course you don't need to be an only child to become one of those).
I really don't think there is a right or wrong answer here. It all depends on what you feel comfortable with (what does your DH think since he is much older) and what your priorities are. If you really want another LO I would say go for it. But if the main reason you want another LO is just because you would like your LO to have a sibling I would really think long and hard about if that is really what YOU (and your DH) want for you.
This is so very true. I have mentioned to DH in the past that having a sibling doesn't mean that one still won't grow up alone. I am very close to my brother but honestly we do not see each other very much or talk very often. He is so busy with his family, and he has an odd work schedule, and I am so busy with my family and work that we just don't visit often at all. DH has 2 siblings; one he only sees every few years and the other he hasn't seen in a long time but talks to on the phone every couple of weeks. I still worry about DS having to care for aging parents all by himself, but again, even if he had a sibling it doesn't mean they will help.
I am a little bummed that DS doesn't have any other kids around from extended family. His 2 cousins that are closest in age to him live on the other side of the continent. His cousins and second cousins that live closer are at least 10 years older than him. He is in daycare though so he has a lot of kids to play with M-F. I am also determined to move so we can live in town when he starts school so he will be close to friends. I am pretty certain that we can make sure he has other kids to play with and keep him from being a spoiled brat too!
I do feel quite happy having just DS but there is always that small question in the back of my mind if I should have another. Again, it is just so nice to hear what you have all done and your personal thoughts on the topic. Everyone has good stories about how they decided to have more or not have more and it has been very enlightening.
I am an only child and though my childhood was happy, I swore that I would never have only one child. My husband and I are getting a late start in parenthood, and because of our ages, I feel even more strongly that I don't want our son to be an only child. It brings tears to my eyes when I imagine him alone, without parents, at a somewhat young age. Furthermore, our families are so small that he will not even have the joy of cousins. This is why, after suffering two miscarriages last year, we are now turning to fertility treatments. I want to do whatever we can to make sure he has someone with whom he can share life. Yes, it is likely he will one day get married. But a spouse is not the same as a sibling, someone with whom you share a true history and family connection.
I got married in my late 30s and there were more days than not when I wondered if I would ever get married. I worried constantly how I would manage after my parents were gone. I have a ton of friends, but the thought of really being alone in this world, without any family, was overwhelming. I don't ever want my son to feel this way.
Having a toddler is exhausting, but I wouldn't change one thing about it. I already feel like I've "forgotten" all of the challenges of a newborn, so even more reason to bring on another! I also think that little ones can help entertain each other and maybe give us old folks a break! I really do pray everyday that we will be blessed with another baby.
I'm very late to add my two cents but here it is. Lol
I am 38. DH is 39. DS is 2. He was a fabulous surprise and I was certain we were one and done. That is until he was born. And then I knew almost immediately that I wanted another. So, we will be ttc very soon. I am actually really looking forward to it. DS is full of energy and spunk but he is also the greatest joy in my life. I feel like I can keep up with him just fine (we'll see if that lasts ha ha). I've had some really hard health challenges since DS was born. For awhile it seemed like they would keep us from a second but thankfully I am doing better. Fwiw my GD developed into Type 2 and I'm also hypothyroid with a couple of additional autoimmune issues. It sounds terrible but my OB is really positive about my situation and I actually feel pretty well right now.
Its a struggle to make the decision to ttc again. I hope you can feel comfortable with what you choose to do.
Strunella and Cheekers...I wish you the very best TTC and I am keeping my fingers crossed for both of you ladies! I am always excited to hear this kind of news!
Thanks! I'm nervous as heck. Lol
I had DD at age 40 (DH 38) and will have our second this summer. I will be 42. I really don't feel that old. I think my energy overall is fine. I will say first tri with a toddler did kick my butt, but now at week 14 I'm feeling better.
For us, we knew we wanted DD to have a sibling. Two in daycare=an offensive amount of $$$, but we will make it work. No plans or desire for a third.
:Lurker Introducing Herself:
I got married at 37, m/c at 38, pregnant again at 39 and had DS at 40.DH is 45, and I will be 42 on Monday.
We are one and done, for medical reasons. I have heart disease, have had open heart surgery (with one more coming in the future), and 2 small strokes when DS was 7 weeks old. DS deserves a healthy Mommy more than he does a sibling.
I hear a lot of people posting and talking about not wanting their LO to grow up alone. I didn't want that for DS, either, so I'm making sure he doesn't. I am fostering relationships with his cousins and with friends who have kids his age. When DH and I are elderly, I want him to have a network of family and friends around him. Not having a sibling doesn't mean your LO is doomed to loneliness.
With that said, bravo for thinking through whether to have another baby. There is a lot of pressure to have a sibling for your LO, and a lot of people don't really think through whether they have the emotional, physical, and financial resources to handle it.
I got married last year at 38 & am now 5.5 months preggers. hubby is 40. This is my third child. My other 2 kids are 19 & 15. I was a single mom when i had them.
It's great having someone with me through this whole process. We decided to have this child because my DH doesn't have any. I thought about having a second along the way but this pregnancy is so hard. I absolutly hate being pregnant. I feel way bigger than my other pregnancies & slower. No energy what so ever. My husband is ok with just this one. It's a girl & i was thinking maybe we should try for a boy too.
Having one kid in college, another in high school & about to change diapers of a third is not that encouraging on expanding the pact. Plus i can't imagine how much this current kid is gonna cost in day care expenses. I'm despirately trying to find ways i can work from home. It is nice to see so many moms my age & older still having kids. I know 3 other women pregnant with me & they are all young.. I feel really old :-( sometimes.