New Here...Need Advice (Long)

girlontheway

Hi Ladies!

I'm a FTM due May 21st with a girl!  I am really excited as this pregnancy is a complete shock.  Actually a MIRACLE!  I have been blessed with an amazing supportive family so being able to provide for my daughter won't be a big issue.  However, I have a sensitive situation that I needs some help on.  In order for everyone to understand I have to give some background.  Warning: This may be a little long and a little sad. 

 I've been with BD for over 4 years.  He's kind of a mess dealing with alcohol and drug abuse.  Ok...not really dealing with it, just doing it.  He has 2 kids from previous relationships.  A son who is 19 and has never been part of his life and a daughter who would have been 6 this month.  This is where it gets tricky.  3 years ago BD and I moved to another state to be closer to his then 3 year old daughter.  Everything was great for a year.  They had a ton of time together, built a strong bond.  I even got to build a really strong relationship with her and loved her sooo very much.  Two weeks after her 4th birthday (this is where it get sad) she tragically passed away at home after a regular surgical procedure.  Her passing was completely unexpected and rocked everyones world.  She was the only daughter, grandchild ect...  The absolute light of everyones life.  We ended moving back to our home state afterwards and no one has been the same since.  Especially the family in the other state.

 Heres where the advice is needed.  I was told that I would never conceive naturally, and it actually took 14 years to get pregnant.  I wasn't trying that's why I consider this little girl to be a miracle.  I don't have phone #'s to the family out of state and only have them on face book.  BD is in jail for who knows how long.  Could be after my daughter is born.  I want the family to know about this pregnancy because it would be a 1/2 sister to the beautiful one they lost and I know they would want to have some connection and part in it.  How and when do I tell them?  Her death date and her birthday are all this month.  Do I wait until after that to let them know?  I know there are going to be some crazy mixed emotions about this since it's a girl and the alcoholic/druggie daddy gets another chance (which he won't be much a part of this ones life either) and they are still suffering with a horrible loss.  I don't want to hurt feelings, but there is really no way around that.  What is the best way to go about this?  Is there even a best way?  Any advice appreciated.

Lcherry937

First off, congrats to you on your miracle!!

As for my opinion on the situation, I don't think there is necessarily a best way (or time) to tell them. While my story is completely different it took me 4 months to tell my family that I was pregnant and 5 months to tell anyone outside of my immediate family (even my best friends!) so I'd say wait until you're completely comfortable and ready for any reaction that you may get.

Personally, I would wait until this month has past because I know that they are going to be upset (rightfully so) but I wouldn't want their reactions to my pregnancy to be rendered upon their grief.

 Good luck to you! I'm sure you will make the right decision!

moograe0326

What way do you have to contact them (other than facebook). If you have an address it would be a great idea to write them a letter to express your feelings and let them know what's going on. That way they can process it how they need to and when they want to get a hold of you they can. If the only way to get a hold of them is facebook, you could send them a message writing the same words as in your letter. But be very careful in your words as you're not trying to gloat or anything, but you really just wanted to let them know.

That is definitely a situation to be in and you are a strong woman! Congrats on your little girl and I hope you have a great rest of your pregnancy.  

girlontheway

Thank you so much for the advice ladies!  I've decided to wait until March to let them know.  I'm going to write a letter.  I'm a better writer than I am a speaker.  I think with the letter I can sort out the emotion a bit and will allow me to be clear with how I want the news to be shared.  It's going to hurt them no matter what, but I want to make sure they know that I considered their feelings very much.  I think once they know I will be able to enjoy my pregnancy more.  I won't have this weighing on my mind ALL of the time.  I'll let you know what happens in the coming weeks.  Thank you again,  You both helped me see my situation from an outside perspective and that is exactly what I needed.