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Babies on the Brain
mrsbinzee
member
Beyond scared of childbirth
mrsbinzee
member
Can anyone recommend a program that might help ? Or some form of therapy maybe? Exercises? anything? My husband is trying to be patient with me, but I can tell he's getting frustrated. I love the idea of having a baby, but every time I get excited and ready to ttc, I freak out about child birth and put off ttc for another month. Help?
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Re: Beyond scared of childbirth
I don't think your badges help, Anne.
Ha ha ha thanks. The arm rolls kill me, I love them. Although I hope he grows out of them at some point, ha.
I would try reading Ina May Gaskin's Guid to Childbirth. It is a bit crunchy, but there are tons of borth stories that I found very re-assuring, though it's not only birth stories. I was also incredibly scared of the pain and process of giving birth, and reading this book really helped me to relax and view birth a bit differently (and I did not have a 'natural' birth).
https://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1360873632&sr=8-1&keywords=ina+may+gaskin+guide+to+childbirth
Even just reading the birth stories board here can give you somewhat more of an idea of what to expect.
You could try prenatal yoga classes. I found them awesome practice for some labor coping techniques.
Good luck to you!
This might be a UO around here, but I think that book is fvucking terrible. The first half of the book consists of hippie birth stories from the 70s...and I'm not interested in giving birth on any sort of "farm" so it really wasn't relevant to me at all.
I think your feelings are normal.
However, here is my advice to you:
Do not be afraid of childbirth. Be afraid of everything that is going to come after it.
Seriously OP. Giving birth was the LEAST scary thing that has happened to me in the last almost 13 months of my DD's life. I was petrified non-stop for the first 6 weeks of my DD's life.
Actually being a mom is wonderful, exciting, eye- opening, amazing, fulfilling and SCARY AS HELL!!
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
I second Ina May and prenatal yoga! For me it was all about being as informed as possible and knowing the changes my body would naturally do as mammals have been doing for millions of years.
The Bradley method handbook was also helpful in understanding the phases of labor (is very coach-centric which your husband may appreciate), and I thought the Mayo Clinic Guide to Pregnancy was excellent and very neutral when it came to the more physiological changes and getting acquainted with some of the medial processes and clinical terms.
A lot of people also find motivation for [natural] birth after watching The Business of Being Born and/or Pregnant In America, but I thought those movies painted a pretty stark black-and-white picture of pregnancy really pitting the medical industry and natural birth movement against each other. Sometimes this happens but in my limited experience everyone just wants the same thing: a healthy baby and mama!
Have you considered a birth center or a CNM practice within a hospital setting? This might be a good way to have strong birth advocates while still having all the drugs and doctors nearby for peace of mind in case things don't go as planned.
I think hair removal hurts way more than childbirth. Everyone's pain tolerance is different, but I would describe early labor more as "waves of discomfort" versus "pain." Yeah, come transition you'll be going "Fck is this over yet?!" but for me pushing was like the best relief in the world ever. Birth is kind of like a series of involuntary reactions -- trust your body! It knows what to do. :-)
BFP 5/21/10, Missed m/c 7/5/10 at 11w3d (baby measured 7wks), D&C 7/7/10
Aug/Sept 2010 - CD3&10 b/w & u/s, genetic testing, SA, HSG, & Lap/Hyst to remove septum
12/09/10 BFP -- 7/05/11 DS born at 33w5d. Came home after 23d in NICU at 37w0d
June 2012 - TTC #2! -- 10/05/12 BFP -- 5/23/13 DS2 born at 37w1d! Yay full term!
Surprise BFP 6/25/14 LO#3 due Feb2015!
I was terrified of giving birth. But I went through with getting pregnant because I knew I wanted children, and I figured that once I was pregnant I would have to give birth eventually, whether I was scared or not.
I put so much energy into worrying about it that I was actually pretty irritated with myself after the fact. It wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined, I'm actually pretty proud of myself for doing it and fascinated by the entire process, and the end result is completely worth any pain and discomfort I experienced.
It did hurt like hell for a short while, and there was some mild discomfort after it, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.
I was terrified, thinking of labor almost gave me panic attacks. When my water broke, I went into some crazy auto-pilot. I did have a minor OMFG moment when I was sitting in L&D triage and they were like "yep, you are having a baby tonight" but labor & delivery was a million times easier than I thought it was.
Childbirth is not that big a deal. I don't say that to dismiss your fears or imply they aren't valid, because they are. The best anyone can tell you about it is scary or very foreign. Honestly, I was induced b/c of high blood pressure and I slept through most of my labor. I had drugs, which I hadn't really planned on, but the way things panned out, I was trying to sleep and rest and between the IV drugs and the epidural, I was out of it. I mean completely out of it. High as a freaking kite when my daughter was born. It was awesome.
I don't know if reading books would help - it might freak you out more. I do think talking with your OB/gyn is a good idea and maybe a therapist. I tend to think that a deep fear may be hiding less obvious concerns about control in your life or something, so I'd talk to someone.
Gabriel Ross - August 24, 2009 * Vivienne Rose - May 1, 2012
My Blog
I don't have kids yet but this sums it up great to me!
I had a somewhat rough pregnancy, and even with my epidural, I was still in a lot of pain (more pressure, not so much pain), and I would still choose giving birth over having dental fillings (and I have a high pain tolerance for fillings). After you give birth, you get a beautiful baby! It is SO worth it!
I agree with MandJS: Childbirth is natural, and our bodies were made to do it, so our bodies can handle the pain, and stretching, and all of that.
I feel like the most painful part of giving birth was the labor, not the actual delivery.
ETA: Correct some grammar, and better wording.
::sad face::
The disclaimer is I'm a dentist who has never had a cavity. But I do love getting cleanings.
I'm really sorry about your bad childhood experience. I am in residency to be a pediatric dentist so I hope that I can help that not be the case for other children.
I was deathly afraid too. The way I handled it was by attending free classes that the hospital offered to teach you everything that will happen with labor. It was for three weeks two nights a week. I found that the more I knew the more comfortable I was.I also read the book "What to expect when your expecting." I also made list of questions for my OB no matter how stupid I thought they were.
I agree with some other pp's that a lot of fears come wrapped up with childbirth...not just fear of pain but fear of the unknown, and loss of control.
Giving birth is one of the biggest single moments in a woman's life, and to have absolutely NO control over it can be terrifying. Think of how obsessively we plan every last detail of our weddings - that's a big moment that we can micro-manage. But with birth it's like you're just along for the ride. And that can be hard to reconcile yourself to.
But the WHOLE experience - TTC, pregnancy, birth, parenthood - is out of our hands. And as it goes on you just realize over and over that there are forces in life that are bigger than you. Your own problems and needs become secondary to your child. And in a weird way, it becomes oddly freeing. So all of pregnancy kind of prepares you in the "letting go" department. As much as you'd like to micro-manage the development of your child's elbow joints or the position of your placenta, you just can't. Your hands are tied and you're forced to just sit back and let nature do its work.
I also have anxiety disorder/depression and have struggled at times. But like pp's, I got through pregnancy and childbirth. We were MEANT to get through it, or the human race wouldn't be here! You will surprise yourself, I think. When push comes to shove (bad labor pun), you and your body will do what it was made to do. Maybe it was the hormones or adrenaline or something, but for me, when the time came, I found these inner resources I didn't know I had. I found a deep, deep focus. Maybe it's survival mode or something, I don't know, but it kicked in. So trust yourself, and trust evolution. The unknown is frightening, but you WERE made to do this!
My induction was 49 hours but it was nowhere near as bad as I thought. The vast majority of labor felt like period cramping, not bad at all and I was on the highest dose of pitocin. I had a brief period of bad pain right after my water broke and it did hurt but there was also excitement knowing it meant she was almost here. They screwed up my epidural and it didn't work and they finally redid it and then it was amazing. I barely remember that brief period of pain and it wasn't fun by any means but it could have easily been avoided had I gotten the epidural just a little bit earlier. After the epidural it was smooth sailing. I had a nice nap all through transition! and was not in pain. I felt pressure but it was no big deal. Once I was 10 cm I even made the doc wait so I could put my contacts in so I wouldn't be wearing my glasses in my first pics with DD I was that comfortable. Pushing was amazing and if there was any pain I honestly didn't even notice it I was so excited! Labor ended up being my favorite part of pregnancy and pushing DD out was one of the best moments of my life and it was so incredible that i want another kid just so I can experience that miracle one more time! It's scary but I can pretty much guarantee it's way worse in your head than it really is.
I'm sure without an epidural it's much more painful but I enjoyed every second of my labor due to my epidural and was joking and laughing with the nurses while pushing, not screaming in pain like in movies. I had some tearing too and I don't remember even feeling that happen.
You can do it and its soooo worth the 'prize' .
L&D was the easiest part for me. I had a 26 hour labor and only pushed for an hour before DS came out. He BF like a champ, slept well, everything.
My recovery was a tough, both physically and PPD, but the labor and delivery? Pretty easy. I didn't start feeling serious pain until about 22 hours into labor, I got my epidural 24 hours in and then the world turned to glittery rainbows. 2 hours later I was ready to go. I wish I'd gotten the epi sooner. Next time I'm not going to try to grin and bear it.