Loss CheckIn

Mrs Nice

Welcome to our Thursday checkin!

I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: How does your grieving differ from your SOs?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

bunnybun4

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

not really but haven't taken any steps back either...

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

still just trying to get my pregnancy weight off...Valentine's Day is not helping

QOTW: How does your grieving differ from your SOs?

I cry several times each week.  I want to talk about my sweet girl and even our loss a lot.  I could talk about it everyday if someone would talk back and not get freaked out.

DH never cries and really doesn't talk about it.  He cried a few times the week of our loss.  When I cry he is very supportive and encourages me to talk about it and to cry it out.  When I ask him why he doesn't cry he just says that he processes it differently and that he feels like he has to be strong for me...he says that in the middle of our loss (we found out we would lose her a week before we did lose her) he was forced to suck it up and take care of me and make decisions and that just kind of halted his grieving.  When I tell him I want to talk about her he says that we can talk about her whenever I want to...but he doesn't want to bring it up because he doesn't want to make me sad when I am not sad.  It's a weird balance I guess.  I know he is sad and still grieving but he doesn't show it at all.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

pregnancy mentioned-

my SIL is due with twins in a month (a month before my due date)  she could go into labor at any moment.  I have been doing really well with coming to terms with it but this week she sent out a group email explaining in detail her status (weights of the babies, where they are lying in her stomach, etc.)  several family members sent back replies abotu how excited they are, etc, etc.  This really, really stung.  I know they have every right to be happy and excited but it makes me feel like my baby means nothing to them. i know it is irrational.  I am bracing myself for the birth and just hoping I am not a mess.  I feel like once I get thru the birth and then thru my EDD then I can take bigger steps to move ahead.

 

hope everyone is having a good Valentine's Day.  ((HUGS)) to whoever needs them!

meli1025

*possible controversial topic....if you are offended by psychic mediums please don't read my post. Also, pregnancy mentioned*

 

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

I feel like I've taken a HUGE step this week. It started off really bad, I honestly didn't know how to make it through this entire month because my c-section would've been scheduled for this week. On Tuesday evening I had a call with a really good psychic medium and everything she said to me was absolutely unreal...amazing. I received messages from so many family members, including my grandma who we lost just before Christmas. After my loss I really questioned everything that had to do with sprituality, God, etc.. My reading gave me such a sense of peace and comfort and I really do feel like I'm in a better place now. I will not get into details here, but if anyone has interest in hearing more please feel free to PM me. I've also started some breathing exercises as recommended by my therapist and they have been a tremendous help. Lastly, I reached out to my good friend who's due date is the day before mine and I allowed myself to be happy for her and even asked about how she was feeling, getting excited, etc. I didn't feel the need to cry at all, I felt genuinely happy for her.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I want to take the time to meditate daily and be more spiritual. I'm just going to make it happen.

QOTW: How does your grieving differ from your SOs?

Our grieving differs big time. I'm one to always talk about how I feel and let myself cry, discuss, grieve, etc. DH's way of handling things is holding it in and keeping himself busy...so I pull it out of him to make sure he doesn't make himself sick by not recognizing his grief.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

My sweet angel Ava is on my mind constantly, along with the countless family members that I know she is surrounded by right now.

OSUWifey09

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Not really. Just maintaining.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Nothing new - just keep working out and hope that BC gets my cycles back on track so we can try again starting in May. Just kinda hangin' out right now.

QOTW: How does your grieving differ from your SOs? SO is a very private griever. He hasn't cried in front of me, and we don't really talk about it unless I bring it up. He hasn't been nearly as public about our loss as I have been, which I expected. He was like that when he lost his father to cancer in 2007, so I kinda expected this.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Today was tough because it's another holiday without Devon. I try so hard not to think about "during this time last year, I was ___ weeks pregnant" and blah blah blah, because it just sets me back. And I try not to think about what life would be like if Devon was here, because it also sets me back. I'm just in this weird spot.

Bayberry12

OSUWifey09:

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Today was tough because it's another holiday without Devon. I try so hard not to think about "during this time last year, I was ___ weeks pregnant" and blah blah blah, because it just sets me back. And I try not to think about what life would be like if Devon was here, because it also sets me back. I'm just in this weird spot.

Oh I feel the same way.  I have been kind of down all day, and it's because I remember EXACTLY what I was doing this day last year.  It sucks.   

Bayberry12

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

No, just hanging in there.  I started tracking calories again, but I keep cheating and not logging everything I eat.  What is wrong with me?! Lol 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

I really need to keep working out and and stop slowing down when I get tired or board or think it's too hard.  I want to feel confident with my body again.

QOTW: How does your grieving differ from your SOs? 

DH has never cried in front of me.  He can use work as a distraction and a way to move on.  He does understand how hard things are on me, and that somethings are pretty impossible for me to do.  For the most part he wants to look to the future, and not really talk about the past.  

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

We're not too far from the one year mark, and that is stressing me out.  I really wanted to be pregnant again by now.  

jebretz

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

No, I stuck but not in a horrible place.  I have just been feeling blah, unmotivated, lonely. I went back to work 2 days and while they were ok I am upset to be there. Also, there have been good and also awkard moments talking to people but I don't cry or get sad, I just say the facts, so I feel like I put a wall up when I am around people, and I don't entirely like it because I feel like it is too soon to not feel the pain. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

No goals.  I am just taking it one day at a time.  I have been going to the gym, but even that is only because I know I should. 

QOTW: How does your grieving differ from your SOs? 

DH has surprised me with how open he has been, and how often he will tell me he is sad and is thinking of them.  We differ I think because I always am constantly thinking of stuff, so I am always sad, but functional.  And he seems ok until something triggers him. 

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? 

I am really sad/mad that no one pushed me to take more pictures.  I really regret not having any of us as a family. Or even just me with them.  This has hit me harder since I started working on a scrapbook.  

karebear57

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

No I'm actually at an ok spot for now.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I gotta lose more wt and have to start exercising, even if it's with the wii fit! (It has helped me a lot before, I love the hula hoop!)

QOTW: How does your grieving differ from your SOs?

We're both pretty much on the same page. I'm kinda like a guy and just stuff things deep down until they overflow. I do cry about her a few times a week but I do not cry in front of others, never liked doing that. We talk about her occasionally and sometimes when we're watching a show that has a surprise trigger he starts apologizing to me. I know he thinks about Bri but he just keeps things to himself. I just hope he knows that if he wants to talk about her I'm here for him.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

How much I miss Bri. How old she'd be (13 months) and the things she'd be doing right now. How much I want a 2nd little girl, one that gets to stay here with us.