Are you going to try again.... How do I avoid answering without being rude.

kaylb

I had to deliver at 24 weeks due to preeclamsia and HELLP, my baby survived 22 days which he is defintely my miracle baby. My baby, Exavier Ray, passed on 1/19/2013 which is ironic because that was supposed to be the day of his baby shower. Not even a week after he passed everyone started asking me if I am going to try again. I was severely sick and almost lost my own life. Everytime someone asks me I have to tell them that it may not be possible and if it is possible can we go through it again? My husband and I doesn't think so, he was in the operating room when my heart rate dropped to 29 and he was there when they were coming in to check on me every 45 minutes because they were afraid I was going to have a sezuire or a stroke I am tired of telling people that. How can I avoid the question it is too hard to relive that everytime someone asks me. 

lolee465

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little fighter Exavier. ((hugs))

I don't have any advice on how to avoid that question. When people have asked me, I just respond with 'we're not ready to think about that yet' and they usually drop it.

kaylb

Thank you lolee that does help.

fluttergirlmoonchild79

As far as I'm concerned, after all we've all been through there's no such thing as being rude (just my opinion).  I seriously do no understand why people think it's any of there business if/when anyone is going to try and have a child (along the same lines I hate when people ask "do you have any kids?"  what does it matter?).  I would straight say "that's a personal decision between DH and I".  If you want to be a bit nicer maybe try "once the doctors clear me which won't be for a while".  I've found that when you answer questions with as short of an answer as possible people tend to realize it's a sensitive topic.

Sorry for the loss of your Exavier.

jess123456

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boy.

I am also so sorry that people keep asking you when you will be trying again. It hasn't even been a month. As you can see so many people just don't know what to say. I don't think you owe them anything and the last thing you need is to have to relive it every time someone asks. I think something like the other person said would be fine. At the end of the day it is what you feel comfortable answering. I usually say, "we aren't ready to talk about that" or "we will think about it sometime in the future".

Hugs to you. It's hard enough going through the loss of a child but dealing with people after just makes things so difficult. 

bunnybun4

fluttergirlmoonchild79:

As far as I'm concerned, after all we've all been through there's no such thing as being rude (just my opinion).  I seriously do no understand why people think it's any of there business if/when anyone is going to try and have a child (along the same lines I hate when people ask "do you have any kids?"  what does it matter?).  I would straight say "that's a personal decision between DH and I".  If you want to be a bit nicer maybe try "once the doctors clear me which won't be for a while".  I've found that when you answer questions with as short of an answer as possible people tend to realize it's a sensitive topic.

Sorry for the loss of your Exavier.

this.  I just elude to the fact that I am medically benched right now and I am not specifiic on when I will not be.  I really don't understand why people ask these sorts of things to someone who is grieving.

((HUGS))  so sorry you are here.

jebretz

phancykat:

 "May I please have some time to grieve the loss of my son."

Some times making cutting comments can be very cathartic.  

I like this answer! 

HullGut

I'm so sorry for your loss. People are so clueless sometimes aren't they. I usually just say "oh we can't even think of tha right now" even though we are trying. No one needs to know.

kaylb

Thanks everyone for your responses they help alot. To the people who said it is ok to be rude I am grateful I don't want to be rude, but the things people say are so frustrating sometimes. It is good to chat with people who know what it is like to go through something like this.

Thank you

PinkCamino

jebretz:

phancykat:

 "May I please have some time to grieve the loss of my son."

Some times making cutting comments can be very cathartic.  

I like this answer! 

I think this is a very appropriate way to answer that question.

I'm so sorry for your loss.