Blended Families

"new dad" comment rubbed relative in the wrong way

DH and I are expecting (again) and even though we arent anouncing just yet (bc of our recent loss) we did tell a select few (ones we dont mind untelling god forbid it gets to that). Anyway, one of the comments was that I will be a new mom and DH a new dad. Yes DH has a son, but by the time baby arrives SS will be 10. The new dad comment was made in the context of "you havent had a baby in the house in so long it will be a new experience all over again." I wasnt offended by this and neither was DH. We dont feel it is un-acknowledging DH as a dad to SS. Would you be upset by it?

BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

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Re: "new dad" comment rubbed relative in the wrong way

  • i wouldn't. baby is new, so the word was probably used in that context. not in a way of saying he's not a dad already.

    i'm pretty sure people called my DH and I new parents even tough he has 2 from a previous marriage.

  • I have a 13 year old, a 9 year old and K is 7.  When we told people we were expecting a baby we got a lot of the "new parent" comments.  It didn't bother me and it didn't bother my husband.  And to be quite honest, having a new baby in the house after 9 (and in my husband's case, 7) years, we feel like new parents.  We're both so out of practice!
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  • It affirmed for skids that DH wasn't present when they were babies.  BM has edited him out of photo albums and rewritten history to be he never changed a diaper, was never there, didn't hold them, etc.  We have pics that prove otherwise but not enough to convince skids (he only has pic copies from his parents, she would not give him any other pics).  It didn't help that it turned out that DH had never given a baby a bath until I handed him DS and left the room and skids were here that weekend.  And that BM did a lot of maternal gatekeeping, so small things like that keep happening.  Couple that with "new dad" comments and the fact that DH has "new mom syndrome" in his wrist and the skids really sort of side eye our DS.

    If it were not for this unique dynamic I would not find it offensive at all.

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  • I don't like it. I am pregnant now and I have a 14 year old and a 17 year old. I am not a "new" mom. I am doing it all over again after a long time but I was a new mom 17 years ago. My husband has no kids.

    I would be insulted on behalf of my sons if someone  said that to me. The fact is he isn't a new dad. He is a father adding to his family. He is going to experience having more than one child. 

    EDIT I haven't gotten any new mom comments. I get a lot of "wow, you're starting over again?!"

    People probably aren't meaning anything but I would correct them if the kids were present.  

  • Looks like 50% say yes and 50% say no.

    Thank you for all of the responses!

    BFP #1 11/07/2012 EDD 07/09/2013 M/C 11/22/2012

    BFP #2 02/05/2013 EDD 09/19/2013 Arrived via c-section 09/27/2013

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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