12 Hours at a time
So I'm new to this "Message Board" stuff and I don't really know what to expect here. A little background on myself- I'm 34 and work a 12 hour night shift 6 p.m.-6:30 a.m. and I'm tired. A lot.
With that being said, I recently have been having issues being motivated to do pretty much anything besides sleep and work and of the two of those the I'm honestly only motivated to attend to the first. I have a 15 month old child and a wife whom I've been with for 9 years. Well my wife is pretty much fed up with "Me being lazy." I've tried to explain that I'm not lazy I'm just tired all the time. And I try to do things that will please her but to no avail. It just seems as though even the things I do accomplish are not done the way she wants them done. I'm nervous most of the time and lack the will to do things in fear of catching a verbal assault.
I try to be patient with her as she is trying to start her own business, so I realize the excessive amount of stress she is dealing with in tying to start a business in addition to watching our child. And being strapped financially is making it next to impossible to be able to let her have some much needed alone time.
Any advice is much appreciated.
Re: 12 Hours at a time
If she tells you it isn't the way she wants them done, ask her to show you, so you can get it "right" next time.
As far as "being lazy"... she is working 12 hours+ a day as well, if she is watching the child the whole time you are at work, and likely doing some housework, along with her new business too. Pick up an extra chore or two a day to help her out. I've put in 10+ hour days in my fairly physical job and still came home and found time to run a load of laundry and do the dishes. I'm not saying every night you have to pick a huge chore like clean the garage or scrub the bathrooms... take a few small chores that don't take up a great deal of time and do those, show you are at least trying to do more. Takes 15 minutes to pick up the kids' toys, or load/unload and run the dishwasher, or gather up the laundry and throw it in the wash.
At least you are acknowledging the stress she's under. On one of your days off, take your son to the park or something, let your wife have some alone time in the house, while doing a free activity.
I know the motivation isn't always there, but sometimes you have to force yourself to push through to make life more tolerable for everyone, including yourself.
I think every parent of a young one struggles with this from time to time. As a couple I find my wife and I can motivate each other if we look at our whole thing as a team based sport. We each have our strengths, so we try to use our strengths collectively in the best way we can for the family.
But no, it is not easy at times....
This sounds like a combination of stress and mild depression. I've dealt with depression, and it often comes with a strong desire to stay in bed.
Your child will never be 15 months again and needs and deserves a daddy who is actively present in their life. Part of being a dad is about putting your child's needs above your own.
Try to take as much time as you can out of the house with your child. I'm not totally sure what people in cold parts of the country do this time of the year. But this will give you some nice Daddy-child bonding time and give your wife a much needed break.
It doesn't sound like you and your wife are communicating all that well about your stressors. You might be bottling things up a little. If your health insurance will cover it, consider seeing a therapist, at least for a few sessions. I'd also recommend you and your wife schedule respective Ladies and Dudes nights out. As adults with children, planning our social lives becomes more and more critical.
"Part of being a dad is about putting your child's needs above your own."
+1
This is the one constant I was aware of while I was going through 2 months of my own illness this winter. It always came back to me not caring about my own health and instead still trying to care for my son at the highest level possible. Probably the reason I went from Bronchitis to the flu to a serious sinus infection.
"I'm not totally sure what people in cold parts of the country do this time of the year."
Sadly, all there really is is the mall with a toddler. It is way to cold this time of year to take walks at a park or in the neighborhood. But we do go to the mall every Friday to eat and to walk around. It is good for all of us.