QUESTIONS!

hstorm3

I am new to the lgbt pregnancy world. My girlfriend and I have been together for going on 4 years and just now thinking of starting a family, getting unionized, and starting this new exciting chapter. For all you lesbian parents, is it easier to go with a friends sperm than it is a donor? I'm concerned about our child wanting to know their "father" growing up. Also looking into whether its cheaper having the sperm than going with a donor since my insurance doesn't cover the sperm or storage of. Any tips, advice, pros, cons, etc would be more than appreciated! I'm also new to forums so anything will help! Thanks so much!

polyhymnia23

This. And, read the newbie link, it has a ton of answers. That is what I did and I couldn't believe the information! Welcome to the board, we look forward to you joining us!!!

LolaBelle515

I totally agree with previous posters and suggest looking at that previous thread.

It is 100% a personal decision.

We used a known donor, partly because we had the perfect person in our life that we completely trusted and knew we could go on this journey with. If you don't have someone in your life that you feel completely comfortable sharing this with, then I would not recommend it. You need to be able to trust and communicate fully--not just during TTC, but during pregnancy and through baby's life.

While the TTC portion is certainly cheaper when using a known donor, there are still costs to consider. You will need a lawyer and a legal contract that protects your donor from being financially responsible for the child and that protects you in the rare case that your donor would want custody in any way.  Most of the legalities depend on which state you are in....but wherever you are, you want to hire a lawyer and get a legal contract drawn up. Ours cost about $1500 in the end, plus testing for the donor.

I have heard, though I don't want to say I know anything scientifically (so please don't jump on me, folks), that using fresh sperm rather than frozen sperm from a sperm bank, has a higher chance of working more quickly...but there are certainly people, including on this board, that used a sperm bank and became pregnant the first time and others for whom using a known donor did not work at all. So, that should not be a major factor in your decision.   

One of the pros of having a known donor is that you can "try" multiple times each month...but one of the challenges is that you must organize your schedule around that person, and travel if needed.  Their life is not going to stop because of your cycle, so you need to be ready to get to them as needed...unlike being in a doctor's office who is paid to be there when you need.

For us, it has been a wonderful experience to have a known donor. Our son has a special relationship with his donor that we look forward to seeing grow over time, in whatever way that it does. That was important to us, but you need to figure out what is best for your family:) There is no right or wrong way to build your family--in the end, I'm sure you will choose what is best for you!  

hstorm3

Thank you so much for all the info. It has helped tremendously. I guess we are going to have to sit down again with our KD and really find out what will work for our family. We have a long road ahead of us and I'm so glad I joined this forum! I look forward to learning listening talking and sharing the experience as the road ahead of us continues