Blended Families

Grr!

Last week I posted about not knowing what to do in regard to BM who hadn't talked to SKs in 6 weeks. DH tried contacting her at the end of last week with no luck. SD finally asked about her mom on Friday and DH let her know that he was trying to get in touch with her. DH continued again over the weekend. Still no reply (via email; her phone is disconnected).

SKs lawyer called DH on Saturday. She was supposed to meet with SKs that day. At the beginning of January, DH and BM made plans to meet (almost halfway between us; 6 hours for us...4 hours for her) to drop the kids off with her on Friday, Feb. 8th and pick them up on the 10th. Over the weekend, the kids were supposed to be meeting with their lawyer. BM was supposed to talk to the lawyer and set up alternate plans because DH and BM worked out a different plan a few days after the first plan was made. DH realized that SKs have a week-long break next week so, a month ago, DH asked BM if she would like to have the kids visit for a week instead of just a weekend...and they could meet with their lawyer sometime during that week. Well, apparently BM didn't get in touch with the kids' lawyer to change the appt. date so the lawyer was stood up on Saturday. The kids' lawyer said she had been in touch with BM's lawyer and even BM's lawyer can't get in touch with her.

What do we do now? We're four days away from making a 6 hour trip (each way) to drop off the kids but we haven't heard from BM at all. BM wasn't the best at communicating over the holidays either (as usual) and we ended up driving a couple of hours to pick up the kids before finding out that she wasn't able to meet us that day and could meet a few days later. Ugh. She's so irresponsible. It drives us crazy!

I'm considering asking DH to try contacting BM's mom or sister through FB (he has had to do that to try and get in touch with her before) so we can confirm plans for this weekend. He will probably do that. I'm just slightly annoyed with him. We always communicate quite well and agree with how to deal with most everything. But I think that he's fed up and doesn't want to keep trying to contact her when he's getting nowhere with it. I just want to know what's going on. It would also ease my SD's mind to know what's going on as well, I'm sure. SS doesn't care. He doesn't even want to go (and he doesn't have to go, it's up to him...but since he was supposed to meet with the lawyer, he wasn't going to have a choice this time).

Oh, and the lawyer is not going to be around to meet up with SKs next week so the whole purpose of us sending the kids to visit with BM at that time is no longer for a dual purpose. We're going to have to get them there another time to meet with the lawyer. Hmm...maybe that's why DH isn't very concerned with getting the kids there for the week-long break. I'm going to ask him tonight.

Happily married to my Snorkelbutt - 07/31/10

BFP #1 09/02/11  M/C 09/12/11 8w6days
BFP #2 07/18/12 Baby S born on his EDD 03/23/13

SS - age 12...SD - age 8...DS - 13 mos.

Re: Grr!

  • Why do the step kids have a lawyer?

    I'd text her, facebook message her, call her and leave a message, overnight a fedex letter to her, contact her mother, or other relatives, etc. (basically exhaust all options to contact her) and state that if she does not  call you direct and confirm by noon, the day before you plan to meet at "X" location, that she is in fact going to have the kids fo a specified time, that you will not be meeting her at your scheduled location.

    Be very clear on your expectations and stick to it.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
  • SKs have a lawyer because DH and BM are currently going through court proceedings to see who is going to have permanent, full-time custody. They were in her care until last summer. They were supposed to stay with us for 6 weeks over the summer on a trial basis to see how things were going to go with them living with us. While they were here, they told us about situations regarding abuse and neglect that took place when they were living with BM. DH contacted child services in our province and the one in which BM lives. SKs gave statements to our local police and an investigation was started. Because of all of this, we were granted temporary, full-time custody of the children while the court proceedings continue. DH and BM are not able to come to any sort of agreement through mediation. SKs now have a court-appointed lawyer who wants to interview them before the custody case goes to trial.

    DH was able to get in touch with BM's sister tonight via FB. BM has him blocked on FB so he can't message her that way. He has tried sending her numerous emails. Her cell phone is out of minutes so he is unable to text or leave a VM. Her eldest daughter's cell phone is now disconnected (DH had been able to contact BM that way before). Thankfully BM's family has been helpful in relaying messages in the past and has done so once again. BM is supposed to call DH as soon as she gets to a phone that will allow her to call long distance.

    DH has always been clear with his expectations. She fails at meeting them more often than not. We have always fulfilled her expectations for us.

    Happily married to my Snorkelbutt - 07/31/10

    BFP #1 09/02/11  M/C 09/12/11 8w6days
    BFP #2 07/18/12 Baby S born on his EDD 03/23/13

    SS - age 12...SD - age 8...DS - 13 mos.
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  • imagepiffle42:
    I would make sure to document all your attempts to get in touch with her and give her a deadline to respond by.

    Thank you. Yes, we do that. Document, document, document! DH hasn't been able to use any of it yet...but it doesn't hurt to have it all written down.

    Happily married to my Snorkelbutt - 07/31/10

    BFP #1 09/02/11  M/C 09/12/11 8w6days
    BFP #2 07/18/12 Baby S born on his EDD 03/23/13

    SS - age 12...SD - age 8...DS - 13 mos.
  • Can't you contact the Children's Lawyer and ask him/her what you should do? 

    its a great way to kill two birds with one stone - you get an as close to legal answer AND you have put out there BM's issues - but not in a tattle-taleway.

    file:///Users/Ilumine/Desktop/Family%20Portrait%20for%20gift.jpg
  • imageIlumine:

    Can't you contact the Children's Lawyer and ask him/her what you should do? 

    its a great way to kill two birds with one stone - you get an as close to legal answer AND you have put out there BM's issues - but not in a tattle-taleway.

    Agree

    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
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