Is my man Deaf? (Need Male Advice)
happywife2b
member
I am reposting this from the 2nd Trimester board because I would like to get some male input on this issue.
This is kinda' me seeking input, kinda' me freaking out about money, kinda' me being hormonal...Fair warning!
My
B-day is right after V-day, so I always expect a combo gift and am
totally fine with that. In order to make this easy on my man I tell him
in advance exactly what I want. No hinting, I tell him straight out.
Hints do not work with him. Then I tell him where to get it and the
price. All pertinent details. Include the fact that I am rather frugal
and he is definitely NOT; the word "budget" is not in his vocabulary. I
am embarrassed by large/expensive gifts and feel guilty about all the
things that money could have been spent on, instead of my silly present.
This year I fell in love with the Sally Hansen at home Gel Manicure kit. It's $65 at Target. Instead, he disclosed to a friend that he planned to buy me a Cartier wedding band and take me out of town for a 'surprise' wedding.
Now, all of that is amazingly sweet and I am wowed by his planning and thoughtfulness. BUT... We had already planned and budgeted for our intimate elopement ceremony to take place in May, after the season ends here in Miami and prices on everything drop dramatically. That extra/saved money would then go toward baby purchases like crib, car seat, stroller... In all, our wedding and wedding night celebration/staycation would have cost us around $1,500. I was content to wait for a ring until well after LO is born, since my hands are already swelling and I wouldn't be able to wear it anyway. We have already planned our real 'honeymoon' for when LO is around 6 mos so we can leave him with my family, who can't wait to spoil him rotten. We are going to Tokyo and will be going in the winter so it will be pretty cheap for us, using only miles to fly and getting off-season hotel rates. Yes, I've really planned this out, tried to be as fiscally responsible as possible, and agonized over every detail.
Am I being an ungrateful *** by not wanting this surprise wedding/vacation? What should I do? I am really at a loss. My natural instinct is to tell him I don't want what he is planning, and to just get me the damn nail kit. But I know he would be crushed. I am also really touched by the thought he has given to this surprise and how eager he is to do all of this for me. I am ambivalent and would welcome your input and advice.
Re: Is my man Deaf? (Need Male Advice)
Probably not deaf.....just wants to surprise you with the biggest surprise of them all, outside of the kid being born. I think most men are programmed that way.
Now, if the two of you have been planning the details out for this together, budget and all, then he crossed the line I suppose. But when it comes to getting that ring, that might be the only time in our lives when we DO feel uber-romantic.
If he did not buy the ring yet, I would talk to him asap. My wife did not wear her band the whole time she was pregnant, so maybe that is the way to approach it. If you guys talked about this and are planning things for a later date, and he did this anyway.....no excuse.
WOWZA!
Well, maybe you could compromise? Obviously, this is *supposed* to be a surprise, so keep that in mind. Talk to your SO and tell him you are really touched by his wanting to go on a special vacation before baby comes. Then mention that you think a babymoon would be great! It may not be the honeymoon you imagined, so be open to other destinations. While you may have good intentions of having a honeymoon after baby is born, I am going to be honest with you - probably not going to happen, at least not on the scale you imagine. Really and truly. My DH and I still haven't gone a honeymoon because we had DS before getting married. I had tried talking him into doing a babymoon but it didn't appeal to him. Now we are expecting #2 and we still have yet to go on any truly exciting vacation together, aside from visiting my family a couple hours away. Plus, you run the risk of leaving for an entire week for your honeymoon and coming back to a baby who doesn't even recognize you!!!
As for a babymoon destination... There are plenty of exotic places you could go that might be a bit closer to home than Tokyo. Granted, it isn't recommended you fly on airplanes a whole lot while pregnant (and do not go through the metal detectors or x-ray machines in airports), so maybe a cruise could be fun?
Lastly, let him surprise you with the ring. You can always wear it on a chain around your neck! Overall, I think a little communication could go a long way to make sure that BOTH of you are happy and comfortable with your decisions. Maybe he has felt a bit squelched by your super planning and would like a bit more spontaneity before baby arrives? Hence, the surprise. Just talk to him
Why come over here and start that name-calling drama??? If you don't agree, keep it at that. Here on the dad's board we really do not engage in name calling. I know you ladies do on the other side, but not here.
And my wife was not allowed to fly her third trimester, so it does happen.
Why come over here and start that name-calling drama??? If you don't agree, keep it at that. Here on the dad's board we really do not engage in name calling. I know you ladies do on the other side, but not here.
This. If a husband and wife are not on the same page about money, it can make for some serious issues for sure. My wife and I probably talk more about our budget then we do about anything else outside of the boy.
I ended up getting really sick and staying in bed pretty much all week/weekend so it became a moot issue. I got my nail kit on V-day and he secretly bought me an iphone and is taking me out to dinner at a place I've been wanting to go for a while. All this is still a surprise, but thanks to my informer I have been getting all the updates. Tomorrow is my B-day, so I'm working on my surprised face!
I am extra pleased because I get to stick with the original plan and save $. Gosh I'm such a blish sometimes.