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nocciolata

Hi. I'm new here! Yayyy. 

I had a brief affair with a married man that I ultimately ended for many reasons. Well, I'm 31 and have been told that I'm infertile due to endometriosis (and have been in several long-term relationships where we weren't too careful for many years), have had 2 miscarriages in my early twenties, but other than that had proven the doctors right. 

And, you can pretty much see where this is going.

I'm 5 weeks now and I told him as soon as I had a + and missed my period. I definitely don't want a relationship with him (he's still married, though claiming that he won't be soon, but I'm not interested and the reason that I ended it in the first place was because I didn't want to be the reason that he left his wife, or involved at all, and now...yeh)  and he was super supportive of me keeping it, but as soon as I told him that I wasn't interested in a relationship he started telling me that he thinks that an abortion is the best option. 

I'm not getting an abortion.

We had a huge blowout fight yesterday and are now taking off time from discussing it (or talking at all). I think he thinks that I will eventually come around, but that's not going to happen. I wasn't going to tell him to begin with and I'm starting to think that telling him was a huge mistake, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

I know my situation sounds preeeeettty trashy, and I guess it is. I feel awful for being the other woman and being pregnant with a baby that could wreck people's lives. But it's not his/her fault that we did what we did and I feel like having the baby is making the best of a horrible situation. I don't know. Anyway, I came here because I need some support. 

 

Thanks  

livleen3

Im in a crappy situation but I tell myself not to get overwhelmed with what I think could happen etc. I get worked up when I think about the future and then I tell myself to snap out of it b/c Im 12 weeks and my baby doesnt need to feel the unnecessary stress of things that I think MAy or may not happen... I also have cut off most communication with the father of the baby b/c hes causing me pain.. So my advice to you is the same give him time to get himself together  and dont talk to him until he can accept what youve decided. And just take the best care you can of yourself! Im watching more TV and trying to find activities on Meetup.com.

We dont know what the future holds for us.. It could be nothing but great things so its a waste of time and energy to worry now about the future that we have no control over! Its hard not to worry and trust me I still do it but I stop it when it happens. When I think of negative I change it right away to something else..

Everything works out so just do the best you can... Oh, and don't beat yourself up for ur situation!!! We all do things we are not proud of. No good comes out of beating yourself up for the past.. Just reflect and knowyour previous actions didnt produce a good outcome for you so you dont want to the same results in the future!

Good Luck

Monkeybird84

It's pretty horrible of him to suggest abortion as soon as you told him you didn't want a relationship, IMHO. That just sounds to me like he doesn't want to pay child support. As far as your situation being "trashy", people make mistakes and it seems like you feel bad enough about it already.... no need for anyone to point it out to you. And please don't take my statement as doing just that, I'm not trying to.

It's your choice to have this baby. Don't let anyone tell you that you're wrong for that. The father is wrong for suggesting that you abort. 

tracy41

I don't know if you've processed through enough to be ready for congratulations at this point but as a woman who thought she wouldn't have a second child for non medical reasons to one who probably thought she'd never have one for medical reasons, congrats! My own unexpected blessing will be here tomorrow! Yes, your situation is sucky and not the one you would have chosen, been there done that, but how exciting that you get to be a mom! Concentrate on that and giving the best life possible to your child. Everything else is just BS to vent to strangers on the bump about!

Trissiaj

Don't worry about the childs father. At this point your concern should be of your child's safety.  I know you will have bad days but also know that good days are yet to come.  The bundle of joy you are carrying may be your blessing.

Let him live his life. Trust me he will probably never leave his wife and wants to continue to string you along. Do what is best for you and your child. try finding support groups in your area and meet other single parents.

nocciolata

y'all are the best and thank you ladies for the kind words & support. I'm really surprised by the amount of people saying, "it could be the best thing that happened..." and I believe (I guess I have to believe) that's true. It'll be a while before the rest of the world finds out so it's good to know that not everyone will judge me/think I'm crazy. 

 And as for him, I think despite the fact that I'm somewhat hormonal right now, he is way more confused than I am. I'm just glad I have a good support system of friends and family.

 have a great day ~  

inthelost

when I told the father of my child he immediately suggested abortion too (we got pregnant the first month we started dating! what arethefreakinodds of that???) and i flat out told him that was NOT an option for me. I was firm, even though he tried to drag me to the clinic and told me it was "just as much his decision as it was mine" (I corrected him on THAT statement). You just have to be firm and let him know where you stand on the issue. You need to focus on what's best for you and your child and not worry so much about him. I would not want to be with this man either, I don't blame you. Just focus on your baby to be and oh congratulations! Lean on people who will support you right now.

lilhockeygurlMOM

Ok I understand people make mistakes but did you know he was married ahead of time? I hate to be judgemental but I hate cheaters and I can't stand homewreckers. Also, you said you have had numerous miscarriages, so isn't 5 weeks kinda early to be telling people or making any plans. I mean I don't wanna wish anything bad on you, but I would wait awhile before anything happens...considering your past history. But in the end, no matter how a baby is conceived or whether it was planned or not..a baby is a miracle from god. I wanna say congrats even though my message didn't sound that positive. And I'll pray you have this baby...being a parent is amazing and I'm sure you would be a great mother by how your acting. Congrats by the way hun.