Juggling both solo...

Brummy14

...DH went back to work full time on Friday (I was spoiled by 2.5 solid weeks of him home with me 24/7), so I've started having 6+ hour stretches on my own with the girls. Granted, I know I'm spoiled -- my dad comes from 1PM until DH gets home from work to lend a hand, and my mom is here a number of nights a week -- so we aren't overly sleep deprived or anything near as tough as this could be. I have SO much respect and admiration for you women who do this on your own from day one. Wow. Superwomen!

The challenge I have is....DD1 is SUPER needy and high energy/high strung. The only thing that calms her down are the 5Ss, and even then, she has a hard time staying down once she's asleep/calm. No swing, bouncy seat, white noise, playmat, boppy, etc will often do the trick. Even being on my lap or holding her is often insufficient. Once she does get to sleep, she sleeps HARD, but man it's a battle.

When I'm running the show solo, DD1 is the first I feed -- since she wakes up in HYSTERICS if she doesn't get fed immediately. If I can't get her to fall back asleep after feeding when DD2 is also awake and screaming for her bottle turn, I end up putting her downstairs in the swing for 10-15 minutes and letting her cry while I feed DD2 upstairs. I hate it. She usually stops after 10 minutes or so, but I feel like the worst mom on the planet.

The massive challenge is that I can't feed both at once like most twin mamas -- since they're NICU babies and still choke/hold their breath during bottle feedings (DD2 had her feeding tube in until just 10 days ago), so they each need 100% of my attention during individual feedings -- and are fed NICU on-their-side style. And, I'm generally trying to pump at the same time.

Not looking for advice per-se (but open to it! ), but more just looking to commiserate. And reassurance that I'm not destroying my girls' sense of security by letting them cry for longer stretches when they're still this teeny tiny when there's simply nothing else I can do.

Kristi1971

I have juggled solo for most of the past year, because the husband works out of state and is gone weeks at a time.  I've learned a lot about my girls, my relationships, my husband and myself over the last year.

Feeding -  I still do not feed them at the same time.  Grant it, they are weaning off the bottle and onto cup, but I just don't feed them at the same time.  While feeding them, I like the one on one cuddling time.  Sadly, that also leads to someone crying.  It can't be helped sometimes.  They, being twins, have to learn early that they sometimes have to wait.  They have to learn that eventually anyway, but I think they learn it earlier.  I give them both so much love and attention by themselves and together that I do not feel their feeling of security has been compromised.  But - it used to break my heart when one would cry.  How could it not?, you know?  I hated it too.  HUGS.

Right now you are in survival mode, and survival mode lasts a while.  Do not be surprised if it's 6 months in before you feel things are not as difficult.  HUGS.

As they have gotten older, I have been able to switch who gets fed a bottle first.  Thankfully, since they started to self feed, they are not so worried about who gets a bottle first as they used to be.  HUGS.

rinascita

I am with you, DS1 is very independent and laid back but needs 100% of my attention while feeding and also needs to be held upright in my lap for 15 minutes or more if we want a chance of him not losing/projectile spitting up the entire thing due to his reflux.  DS2 is fussy but eats like a champ.

I do my best to stagger them and feed DS2 first but it doesn't always work out that way and I try to sing/talk to DS2 while he cries but he just has to wait... it is so tough, but I always tell myself that it is ok, he is just hungry and I am going to feed him in 15 minutes or less... still breaks my heart though

ShopperKristi

Being a mom to twins is hands down the hardest thing I have ever done.  Those first four months were INSANE! It sounds like you are doing the best you possibly can and even though you can't see it now, it does get easier.  Your sweet girl is being soothed when she is in the swing and letting her cry while you have to tend to another baby is completely fine.  It just happens when you have more than one. I like to think it is teaching them early that their needs will be fully and completely met, just not the second they yell for something.  Hang in there mama, you are doing great and you are the best mom for your babies!

erinruns

My girls were NICU babies and high maintenance eaters as well, so I can definitely commiserate!  It wasn't until they were 5 months old that I was finally able feed them at the same time.  My girls were on schedules 30 minutes off from each other.  That gave us enough time to feed one completely before the other was hungry, but not far off each other that I spent all day feeding babies.  

Have you tried wearing DD1?  Does she have reflux?  Gas?  With my two we had to do all sorts of burping and wiggling to get all of the gas out after their bottles.  They will start having more and more awake time, so you'll need some sort of plan to calm her after she eats.   

 

Good luck! 

Mayan2011

ShopperKristi:

Being a mom to twins is hands down the hardest thing I have ever done.  Those first four months were INSANE! It sounds like you are doing the best you possibly can and even though you can't see it now, it does get easier.  Your sweet girl is being soothed when she is in the swing and letting her cry while you have to tend to another baby is completely fine.  It just happens when you have more than one. I like to think it is teaching them early that their needs will be fully and completely met, just not the second they yell for something.  Hang in there mama, you are doing great and you are the best mom for your babies!

This.