Sign up for The Bump!
Get weekly updates on baby and your body. Start by selecting which of these best describes you!
Single Parents
abandoned
I was living with and dating my boyfriend
for about 1 1/2 years. When I found out I was pregnant, he was not all
that happy about it, but eventually he came around and seemed to be
supportive. He has been extremely stressed out with being unemployed and
some legal issues. A few months ago, my job was eliminated and I was
offered a promotion 3 hours away. My boyfriend promised he would make
the move with me and my 9 year old son and we were very excited about
the move! Well shortly after the move the relocation, he had to go home
(where we originally lived) for court and he was coming back right away.
When he left was the last time I saw or talked to him. He wouldn't
return my calls or texts and a couple weeks later, he texted me that we
were over. He went back to his moms. I still havent talked him since
January 8th! Now i'm in a new city/place which I hate all by myself. I
feel so abandoned! I'm of course due in May and I'm so depressed!
Unfortunately, nothing else is going well here either. I feel as though I
should be mad at him, but I just miss him so much! I just want him to
come home. We had a great relationship! We never fought and were very
happy together. What do I tell myself to get over this? I keep thinking
he will come back and everyday I don't hear from him, it seems to get
harder. Especially being pregnant, I would not have come to an
unfamiliar place away from friends and family if I knew he would not be
here with me. I just feel so abandoned! Please let me know if you have any comments on coping. Thanks
This discussion has been closed.
Re: abandoned
I wish you luck.
Im in a new town also and dont know very many people.. So on the weekends I go nuts with boredom and now that Im pregnant alone Im depressed...But you have to try to be positive and here are some ways I cope with my crappy situation.
-I skype with friends from home
-I joined a local meditation center! And met a very nice family whom Im going to live with b/c my situation is the greatest!
-Look at activities on Meetup.com
And try to hang out with your 9 yr old doing fun stuff.. Going bowling, movies, volunteer together...
The truth is it takes time to mend a broken heart or to get over/accept the present situation. Yes you can try to occupy your time with activities which will make things easier but yes you will still feel the feelings of loss (and Im sorry you have to feel it) but I guess you have to accept it and just know everything happens for a reason and maybe his situation with court is so horrible that this might be a blessing in disguise for you. Its sad that you had a good relationship and you love this man and he just left. But you dont have any control of the situation. You have to learn to accept it and try to understand that life does crazy things we dont get but there is always a reason.. I will pray for you. I know how you feel. Send me a private message if ya want. Im here for you!!!!!!!! Big Hugs. You can do this!
I had posted this reply to someone else in a similar situation as you:
My ex left me for another woman when my son was 1.5 years old. It is rough but it gets better. You go through the steps of grieving the loss and you come out stronger and wiser in the end. You have to look at this as a chance for you to learn and grow and be a better person. When you experience deep loss you learn to appreciate the little things and you learn how to empathize and help other people going through loss.
After a year and a half I still struggle with the loss but it does get better with time. What has really helped me a lot is reading self help books. Although I wasn't married, I was engaged, I have read several books about divorce and break ups. The insight from experts and other women who have experienced this same pain and lived through it and became stronger because of it is truly encourgaging.
Books I have read are Spiritual Divorce, Getting Past Your Break Up, How to Survive the Loss of Love, and Runaway Husbands: The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal.
I also see a therapist once or twice a month so that I can unload on her because I know my friends and family get tired of hearing my whining...
The thing I struggle with the most is accepting that it is truly over. But once you accept it is over you are free to rebuild your life the way you want it. What helped me to accept the break up was focusing on the things that weren't working and the reasons why it didn't work out. People tend to focus on the good times when they should also focus on why it didnt work.
Are you sure that everything was fine with the relationship? Could he have been cheating on you? Is running away his response to the severe stress of being unemployed and having a child on the way?
I strongly encourage reaching out to other single mothers in the area. Birthing classes, like mentioned, is a great idea along with finding out any support groups in your area. What about joining a YMCA and looking to see if they have yoga classes for pregnant women?
How is your other child coping? I would consider enrolling him in a CPR class too. Maybe take one along with him.
What does his family think about him running away from his unborn child?