Going crazy.

MrsSarahSells

My twin boys are almost 3 months. Thy are not sleeping through the night and my husband sucks.
I've been trying do hard to get the boys on a sleep schedule and DH ruins it. I'm a stay at home mom, and I'm exhausted. I hate this. I love my boys but I'm starting to not like being a mom at all. I resent my husband. I need some help.. How do I get my kids sleeping through the night. How do I get my husband to be more understanding. I'm gojng crazy.

masked_rose86

You can read lots of sleep books.  I did.  Swaddling, white noise, darkness, early bedtime.....etc. 

But realize that all babies are different.  My girls are still not sleeping through the night and I don't expect that they will for awhile since they seem to keep getting sick!   In a few months you can try some "sleep training" but that isn't for the faint of heart and may only solve some of the problem.

With regards to your husband, UGH, that really makes me mad for you.  I could not have survived these last few months without his help (EVEN overnight) and understanding.  He did have a few months where I think he didn't "get it" and sometimes I think he doesn't quite realize how much fussiness and isolation I am putting up with as a SAHM.  BUT, I think what helped him most is spending days with us where he could see that scheduling sleep helped and what I was dealing with.  Try and leave him alone with the boys for awhile.....I think the more time my DH was able to spend more time with my girls the more he "got it."  Otherwise, a serious "come to Jesus" talk will be necessary.  A counselor if he still doesn't get the gravity of the situation that you just NEED HELP!  

Hang in there!  Even if they don't sleep through the night for a long time, the day times get A LOT better. 

MrsSarahSells

He would rather play his stupid Xbox. E doesn't pay attention to the boys :. It's a struggle to get the man to do anything. I hate being a parent with him. I would do this all on my own, but it's too damn much. The babies are so perfect but I find mt self blaming them : if I had not have gotten pregnant, if there was only one
I feel like a failure as a mom. I want to run away from all this :

MuseumMaven

I agree with pp that you really need to talk to your husband. I know how hard it is in those early months and I know I couldn't have done it without my husband. He needs to hear exactly what you've told us, including that you feel like running away.

Is there someone else who can help in the meantime? A friend or family member who can give you a break for a few hours? It sounds like you really need some time off.

I promise that it gets easier, and will soon. While my boys didn't STTN for a long time, 4 months was a major turning point. Hang in there.

kgs0505

The first year is really hard with one baby I'm still pg with the twins. It's also tough on the marriage. Have you specifically asked him to help out? I agree with pp and leave him with the babies for an hour or two and get out of the house, even if it's just grocery shopping. You need a break too.
Hang in there mama. You'll get through this. As for bedtime, getting a strict routine was what worked for my singleton. Hopefully it'll help with the twins too. Bath, bottle, bed.

WeAreSmalls

You are not a failure. You are doing the best you can with little support. Many singletons don't sleep through the night, much less twins. I will let moms who have already had their twins offer their sleep tips but you need to take care of yourself too. If your husband won't help, do you have anyone else who can come over for a couple hours to give you a breather - friend, parent, sibling, in-law? Even if you don't leave the house you can take a shower and take a nap. I agree with PP to leave the boys with your husband for a little while. It's the only way he will know what it's like to be alone with them and maybe he will be more helpful after that. If you continue to feel like a failure or like you're "going crazy", talk to a professional counselor. Ask your OB's office or someone from the hospital for a recommendation.  Good luck and hugs.

karo112

PP have nailed it - all babies are different but here are the things that worked for us.

 

1. Read Babywise. Get on a strict schedule.

2. Wake babies both up at the same time for feeding.

3. SWADDLE!! The Miracle blanket CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER

Every situation is different, but again these were just my personal lifesavers. 

SpinningJess

MrsSarahSells:

He would rather play his stupid Xbox. E doesn't pay attention to the boys :. It's a struggle to get the man to do anything. I hate being a parent with him. I would do this all on my own, but it's too damn much. The babies are so perfect but I find mt self blaming them : if I had not have gotten pregnant, if there was only one I feel like a failure as a mom. I want to run away from all this :

 You are in the thick of it right now.  PLEASE don't beat yourself up - pretty sure every MoM has gone through this a little, and some a lot.  You aren't a failure!!  This isn't an easy life at times, and the first year is a b1tch and is really hard on a marriage.  When you aren't mad at him (ha!) you need to sit down and in an overly positive manner express to him how important it is for you, for your kids, and for your marriage for him to be an EQUAL partner in this parenting gig.  I'm not so good at this myself, and have recently started counseling to learn how to better communicate with my husband.  Hang in there, and be nice to yourself!

BananaPancake

MrsLee04:

I don't think the babies' sleep is as much of the issue is 1) your husband and 2) maybe some PPD. I would make 2 appointments: 1 with your OB to check on your health, and 1 with a marriage counselor so you 2 can talk about your issues with a professional 3rd party who can tell your husband how he needs to help and support you more.

 

This exactly!