FI doesn't want to have sex

dande2129

LO is only 9 days old and I am dying for our regular sex. I don't plan on having sex until I'm cleared to do so, but this morning, FI and I were cuddling (first time in a LONG time! After having a huge belly and be overall uncomfortable, then having a newborn, cuddling has slipped our agenda) We started "making out," also something that we haven't done in a while and it got pretty steamy. It was nice. We ultimately ended things with him satisfied, and obviously, me not. But I was okay with that.

Later, I brought up maybe just trying, just to see what he'd say. He looked at me like I had 3 heads, had this awkward silence and didn't really say anything. It was really the only time that I've ever felt unattractive since we've been together.

So now I don't know if it's hormones or what, but I'm crying while he gives DS a bath because I feel gross. Even if he does want to have sex but doesn't want to take the risk (and really, I don't either) of infection, pain, etc. then why wouldn't he just say that? Guess that's a question for him, but anyone else ever feel this way? 

rjeller32

My husband would have done the same exact thing, but more because of the disregard of my own health, whether I actually wanted to or not. We DTD at four wks, and having not even looked down there since pre-baby, I was afraid he would see it and run for the hills, but we went through with it. I can understand wanting to, but don't look into too hard. Men have a lot on their plates post-baby too, and it's pretty normal for the idea of sex to be totally out of the question for awhile. But try not to be too hard on yourself with your appearance, I mean you just carried and shoved a human out of your vagina, that makes you pretty bad ass!

I feel like a stretch marked whale, and I know I'm not that bad, but it can be tough getting used to a post baby body. Chin up! You'll get back in the sack sooner than you know it!

dande2129

rjeller32:

Chin up! You'll get back in the sack sooner than you know it! 

LOL I am putting this on a post-it and carrying it with me always.

I just feel like, if he were to have a lot on his plate and sex was the last thing from his mind, then he wouldn't really be so persistent to "get some," right? Meh, I don't know. I know that he's thinking of me and my health but I still just wish he would have said something of the like. Anything but silence!  

Tennis Chick

Truly I think its just a guy thing, he just (I'm assuming here) seen you birth his child...that image is still fresh in his mind KWIM? Even if he didn't look down there he may just view you a little different now, it takes time to adjust. My DH was the same way and now things are back to pre-baby normal in the bedroom. Give it some time, he'll come around. My DH joked once about how I never changed out of my sweatpants. He was right. I lived in sweatpants, showered once every 2-3 days (lived on dry shampoo), never did my make up anymore, sometimes wouldn't even brush my teeth until mid-afternoon....I'm not talking about during the first 2-3 weeks I was on leave...I'm talking about after I knew LO's routine and could easily take a shower/put on some mascara when I knew he'd nap for 2-3hrs. I got lazy and it showed in how I viewed myself too. Once I started getting back into a routine to prepare for work I felt 100x better and DH noticed too. 
Hang in there. I was a horn ball the first month PP too...must be a hormone thing? 

luvindanimals

My husband does not want to dtd either until I am cleared. He said he wants to make sure that heals up really good lol. He was a little put off by the thought of sex at first too after watching out son being born but 5 weeks out and he is excited for me to have my dr appointment and to be cleared. Your hubs will be ready once your healed!!!

Bride-hilda

OMG! I'm really impressed that you would even consider doing anything down there at 9 days PP. I can barely muster the courage to BM!

sararn2004

Bride-hilda:

OMG! I'm really impressed that you would even consider doing anything down there at 9 days PP. I can barely muster the courage to BM!

This. I feel like I've been hit by a truck and it's area of impact was all perineum...cant even think of dtd right now,

ArmyWife114

sararn2004:

Bride-hilda:

OMG! I'm really impressed that you would even consider doing anything down there at 9 days PP. I can barely muster the courage to BM!

This. I feel like I've been hit by a truck and it's area of impact was all perineum...cant even think of dtd right now,

I didn't even want to snuggle the first week post partum!  I was so exhausted, engorged, leaking everywhere.  All I wanted to do was sleep.  

dande2129

I did talk with him about it and how I felt. He told me that it had nothing to do with seeing the baby being born, but that he was trying to be the "reasonable" one because if we have sex and I get an infection, I'll have to deal with it and then it'll be even longer without sex. I'm also dealing with a bad case of mastitis and he's been really supportive of me getting rest, fluids and trying to get better.

He's a paramedic and actually wants to work in L&D, so the birth itself wasn't scarring for him. 

gnomemom

Wow. At nine days, I could not even think about dtd. We finally dtd last week...at 12 weeks PP. It hurt like a mofo. After seeing me give birth, tear badly, and poop myself (yeah, that happened), neither of us have been up for much secksy time (not that he would ever mention any of that). Not to mention feeling drained from constantly tending to LO. We just didn't have the energy.

I'm sure your DH is eager to dtd and is just worried about you. Don't overthink it or let your hormones take control of your emotions. Your body just went through something hugely traumatic. Take a breather and give yourself time to heal.