Do you know why your loss happened?

luvmyfireman

We lost our sweet baby boy, Thomas Ryan, 3 weeks ago. I was 19w3d. I had an u/s and they noticed no HB. I had no problems or indications. I was induced and went through a 23 hour labor to deliver him and he was absolutely perfect. They figure he'd been dead at least a week or so based on how he looked. There were no obvious issues with him (cord, defects, etc) and my Dr said it wasn't anything obvious with my body from what he could tell without doing further tests. We did agree to an autopsy. I did deliver my first child at 24w6d because of placental abruption, but that wasn't an issue this time.

 My follow up appt with my Dr is tomorrow and I keep hearing to be prepared for no answers. That it is common to not know why. I hope to get results tomorrow, if there are any. Why is this bugging me? It's eating me up wondering if I possibly could have done something but I can't think of anything that would've caued it. It's like I need an answer or a reason to help ease this burden. I probably need to quit bblaming myself so much, but that seems so easy to just be mad at myself and God. I also really want to consider trying again some day to which my Dr says it should be soon since I'm 35, but the fear is so overwhelming....

Williamandshawnna

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son Thomas Ryan.

I lost my sons at 19.5 weeks, with no real answer to why it happened. The what if's are torture. I hope you do get answers tomorrow and will be thinking of you.

HUGS

-Shawnna

karebear57

I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Thomas. ((Hugs)) I really hope you do get answers as to why. Mine were pretty clear, I lost all my fluid and I had an infection (asymptomatic) we still opted for the autopsy to make sure. Again, I'm so sorry

HullGut

I'm so sorry that your son is no longer with you. I don't have any advise as my son died due to an accident during birth. I really hope you get some answers and peace of mind.

jess123456

We know the reason for our daughter's passing which I am grateful for but I put a lot of guilt on myself for it too because I always think there is something that I could have done to prevent it.

silverlining8d

I know how it happened that my son died in the womb. His cord got wrapped around his neck and he could no longer prosper and they say I had no way of knowing. What I don't know is if I had been monitored with more ultrasounds maybe we could have seen this coming and induced before it was too late or if it was something I did to cause him to move around so much and that eats me up. I read that it is between a 0.4-0.6% chance that a baby could die from a nuchal cord and that makes me feel like it's my fault. Karma, "God's Plan", whatever...it makes me feel like I'm being punished.

thecuddleeffect

I know why my loss happened but I didn't have still borns. My cervix funneled and I delivered them too early

Xath

We're still waiting for the final autopsy results, so we don't know for sure.  Ellie was in the NICU doing very well when her left lung collapsed.  The doctors told us this wouldn't normally be an issue, but for some reason her heart stopped beating within 5-10 minutes, and they still don't know why.  The doctor has a theory that when babies are in distress in the womb, they can push the blood out of their heart and back into the placenta.  He thinks she may have been trying to do this, but there was no placenta there to filter the blood back to her, and they just couldn't get her heart started again.  There's nothing they can do to prove this, but so far they've found no other explanation.

The not knowing is awful.  Right now, all I can do is blame my own body for not being able to keep her in there to term.  If I could have just stayed pregnant even for a few more days, maybe she would have been developed enough to know not to do that, and she'd still be here.   

mrsneau

I just had my six week check up today and got the autopsy results. Grace died from a placental abruption with no known cause.

starburst0928

Nope, and according to the ultrasound, he was perfectly healthy.

Bayberry12

I am so very sorry for the loss of you son, Thomas Ryan.  You have found a great group of women here, and we all understand the pain you are going through.

I lost my daughter at 39 weeks after a completely normal and healthy pregnancy.  After a complete autopsy, genetic testing and extensive testing done on me; no cause could be determined.

Like the other posters have said, not knowing is very hard, but having an answer is also hard.  Either way, I hope you can find some answers from your Dr. and I hope you and your Dr. can get a plan for TTC again. 

Heatherhah

We have no answers as to why our baby girl Sydney died at 38 wks 4 days. I went to the doctor 2 days before and her movement was not great and i begged to have my c section early but they wouldn't do it and I blame them because 2 days before she died she was moving not a lot but she was moving I think it would have saved her but she died and I blame them. We have no idea why they think she compressed her cord but they have no idea at all. It sucks it has been almost 17 months and not having answers sucks.

I did get pregnant after we lost her and now have a almost 3 month old I am 39 I will be 40 next month you have time don't rush TTC when you are ready.

The what ifs and the question god are totally normal I still think about that all the time.

Heather 

jbranden12

I am so sorry for the loss of your Thomas Ryan. We lost our first daughter Patricia at 31 weeks last March. We consented to an autopsy but no cause could be found. She was perfect. It is so hard to not have an answer, but it also gives me peace that if we couldn't tell what happened after her death, there was no way I or anyone else could have prevented it. The fear is overwhelming, but somehow we got through it and got pg with our rainbow. I delivered her last month at 26+3 due to an apparent incompetent cervix and the doctors have NO idea why. Our first was over two lbs heavier and my cervix was long and closed even days after she died. I am getting used to not having any answers, but it still sucks.

Bayberry12

Heatherhah:

We have no answers as to why our baby girl Sydney died at 38 wks 4 days. I went to the doctor 2 days before and her movement was not great and i begged to have my c section early but they wouldn't do it and I blame them because 2 days before she died she was moving not a lot but she was moving I think it would have saved her but she died and I blame them. We have no idea why they think she compressed her cord but they have no idea at all. It sucks it has been almost 17 months and not having answers sucks.

Heather, I didn't know you went through that.  I went through something very similar; I complained of lack of movement/slower, softer movements at my 38 week appointment.  They monitored me for about 30 mins., and told me everything was fine.  I'm pretty sure she died 2 or 3 days later.  I really blame my Dr. and wish I had demanded them to do something.  

fluttergirlmoonchild79

We were told it was RSV (bronchitis, brochiolitis and tracheitis).  I was thankful we got a reason instead of nothing, at least that's what I initially thought.  I've blamed myself for months saying my baby was sick and I didn't even know it.  Based on the information about the viruses, he never exhibited any signs of being sick.  I'm thankful knowing that it was more of a "fluke" and very unlikely to happen again but in the same breath I'm even more deathly afraid of germs now and fear the same thing will happen again.  I'm 33 and I feel like my window to have a baby is quickly closing.

meli1025

I am so terribly sorry for your loss.  I could've written your exact post.  I was 19 weeks 3 days when it was discovered that my daughter's heart stopped, and it was also estimated to have happened about a week before.  There were no issues with cord, placenta, chromosomes, etc.  I agreed to an autopsy and still got no answers.  I've recently undergone RPL testing and am waiting for the results but my doctor only did this testing because I've had two losses in a row now.  He doesn't think I have any blood disorders since nothing came back on the pathology report for my daughter, but he still wants to be sure. 

Not getting any answers is definitely frustrating.  I'm so sorry you're going through this, please know that you're not alone.  ((HUGS)) And you're right about how easy it is to blame yourself or God....I've been there too and still go there every now and then.  Be easy on yourself..we are all here for you.

bunnybun4

My daughter died because of a blockage in her brain that was causing fluid to destroy her brain.  So we know WHY but it is also just supposed to be a "fluke" thing...no reason.  something just didn't form right in her brain.

i asked the dr. if I did anything but she insists I didn't.  I think it is very natural to wonder if we had done something different would it have made a difference.  I used some persagel for about 2 weeks before seeing that I shouldn't....I blame myself for that.  I painted our bed (with permission from the dr.) and I still blame myself for that.  Was I not getting the right nutrition?  (I hired a nutritionist before but I still blame myself for that).  I think most of us have a list of things we think we did to cause our losses...but they aren't true.

I am so sorry you are going through this and blaming yourself.  just remember that you are not alone in this and it is a very natural thing for loss mama's to do.  HUGS.

OSUWifey09

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious son. I lost my son, Devon, back in August at 34 weeks. I had a placental abruption [a fall I'd had two days before caused it], but the doctors are baffled as to why I didn't bleed out - I had a complete separation with no bleeding, cramping or anything like that. While I'm thankful that I'm OK, and the doctors insist that there's no way I could've known what was going on because I had no signs and there's no guarantee he would've survived, I still blame myself. I probably always will.

As others said, it's natural to want answers and to blame yourself. Please know that you're not alone and that we're here for you. *hugs*