genetics suck.. *rant*

LadyNikon

My daycare provider mentioned to me that baby b reminded her of me and her son (who also is autistic).  She said that he seems to have sensory issues.  Baby B's father and I are aspies ( asbergers syndrome).  I am very high strung and have issues with change.  DH is a pretty calm guy.  We kinda fit pretty well.  He keeps me calm and I help him with other things.  Well Baby B is very much like me.  Textures of his formula has to be consistent.  He has to be treated a certain way when feeding or doing anything or he refuses.  His twin brother is very laid back.  Change his butt and place bottle in mouth however and he is a happy baby.  I just feel really down because our traits may have passed onto him.  It is overwhelming to say the least that my son may have to go through what I go through everyday. Knowing the challenges he may face to keep up with classes/work because you learn differently sucks.  Hearing that you are smart and that if you just apply yourself you would excel but can't because of issues.  I am crying just thinking about it. Sorry to rant I even tried to keep this short and coherent I just wanted to get it out.  

9fraulein

I'm going to make up a little genetics story here...on the spot...Well, let's say there's a school of  little fish, and one of those fishies has something different about her, like she's got little nubby arms instead of normal fins, so she's real sad about being different...she's an outcast, yadda yadda...then a bunch of mean, bigger fish come around to eat the whole school of little fishies, but the one with the weird fin-nubs is able to get out of the water and scoot up the shore until the bloodshed ends. She survives, due to the very thing that made her feel sad and different! Then she has babies and the future generations are all happy nubby-finned fish.

In genetics, "survival of the fittest" sometimes means survival of the "weird" one when the environment changes. Sometimes it sucks to be different, and then sometimes being different makes you more likely to survive. It all depends on the environment we end up in and there's no way to tell the future. There may be challenges ahead, but everyone has their own challenges in life, that's life! We're all different, embrace diversity!

persephonerose

Genetics do suck sometimes. I was relieved to find out we were having a boy because girls have a higher rate of developing Rheumatoid Arthritis and I do not want my children to have to deal with what I do.

You never know, your boys could be totally fine and their little personalities just happen to be opposites. Yin and Yang if you will.

 

hmontty

9fraulein:

I'm going to make up a little genetics story here...on the spot...Well, let's say there's a school of  little fish, and one of those fishies has something different about her, like she's got little nubby arms instead of normal fins, so she's real sad about being different...she's an outcast, yadda yadda...then a bunch of mean, bigger fish come around to eat the whole school of little fishies, but the one with the weird fin-nubs is able to get out of the water and scoot up the shore until the bloodshed ends. She survives, due to the very thing that made her feel sad and different! Then she has babies and the future generations are all happy nubby-finned fish.

In genetics, "survival of the fittest" sometimes means survival of the "weird" one when the environment changes. Sometimes it sucks to be different, and then sometimes being different makes you more likely to survive. It all depends on the environment we end up in and there's no way to tell the future. There may be challenges ahead, but everyone has their own challenges in life, that's life! We're all different, embrace diversity!

 

My husband's jaw never grew. He had no chin until he was 20 and able to get two expensive plastic surgeries. He looked inhuman. He was an outcast and traumatized his whole childhood. I live in fear that my children will grow to have the same problem. I find your response simplistic and childish as well as insensitive. 

nanabanana06

My cousin has Aspergers (sp?) too. He is doing very well with it now, but had a struggle as a kid. Things are much better for this condition now. He stayed in mainstream school, got great grades, and is currently training in the military for a special IT program.

Anyways, there was a study done recently that the state I live in has some of the highest population of people with this condition due to Microsoft. Apparently there are lots of undiagnosed Microsoft programmers that have passed it to their children as well. This condition actually make game programming better and lots of programmers make lots of money. 

Also, I more than likely passed off depression or bipolar disorder to my kids. DH has pretty severe OCD as well, that can be linked genetically. My kids are pretty screwed as well. 

LadyNikon

9fraulein:

I'm going to make up a little genetics story here...on the spot...Well, let's say there's a school of  little fish, and one of those fishies has something different about her, like she's got little nubby arms instead of normal fins, so she's real sad about being different...she's an outcast, yadda yadda...then a bunch of mean, bigger fish come around to eat the whole school of little fishies, but the one with the weird fin-nubs is able to get out of the water and scoot up the shore until the bloodshed ends. She survives, due to the very thing that made her feel sad and different! Then she has babies and the future generations are all happy nubby-finned fish.

In genetics, "survival of the fittest" sometimes means survival of the "weird" one when the environment changes. Sometimes it sucks to be different, and then sometimes being different makes you more likely to survive. It all depends on the environment we end up in and there's no way to tell the future. There may be challenges ahead, but everyone has their own challenges in life, that's life! We're all different, embrace diversity!

I get what you were saying and I appreciate it.  I know there are way worse things to get via genetics.  My step moms family all have tumors that grow on their skin. My brothers all have them.  My nephew was born with a tumor that crushed his eye, and took over 1/3rd of his face.   

9fraulein

hmontty:

9fraulein:

I'm going to make up a little genetics story here...on the spot...Well, let's say there's a school of  little fish, and one of those fishies has something different about her, like she's got little nubby arms instead of normal fins, so she's real sad about being different...she's an outcast, yadda yadda...then a bunch of mean, bigger fish come around to eat the whole school of little fishies, but the one with the weird fin-nubs is able to get out of the water and scoot up the shore until the bloodshed ends. She survives, due to the very thing that made her feel sad and different! Then she has babies and the future generations are all happy nubby-finned fish.

In genetics, "survival of the fittest" sometimes means survival of the "weird" one when the environment changes. Sometimes it sucks to be different, and then sometimes being different makes you more likely to survive. It all depends on the environment we end up in and there's no way to tell the future. There may be challenges ahead, but everyone has their own challenges in life, that's life! We're all different, embrace diversity!

 

My husband's jaw never grew. He had no chin until he was 20 and able to get two expensive plastic surgeries. He looked inhuman. He was an outcast and traumatized his whole childhood. I live in fear that my children will grow to have the same problem. I find your response simplistic and childish as well as insensitive. 

I hope that one day you will see the positive no matter the challenge, and not live your life in fear. I have a similar situation although not a jaw issue, and yes, fear to pass it on is a normal fear. However, what's the point to dwell on the negative and the fear? Everyone having kids can have these fears whether they are physical, mental...as I said, we are all different and face different challenges. As parents who have been through similar challenges our kids will face, perhaps we can use our own experience to help them in theirs. Find the silver linings. They are there.

earlyspring1

Hi OP, I recognize you from the multiples board. Genetics do suck,and I think we all have things that we are afraid to pass on to our kids, although admittedly some are more serous than others. The only thing I can say is that your son is very lucky that you recognize his sensory issues so early on and that you can get him the help he needs sooner rather than later. I work in early intervention as a speech therapist, and so often I see kids with spectrum like behaviors, or at the very least major sensory issues and the parents are either clueless or in denial. The parents who get on board right away and are ready to do whatever the child needs are the ones whose children thrive. Of course you would rather baby B not have to face these challenges, but he's lucky in that he has parents who understand what he's going through and can make adjustments to help him feel safer and more comfortable. Best of luck to you. 

LadyNikon

at earlyspring1 yes. that is very true.  I was one of the unfortunate kids where no one knew what my issue was.  Kept putting me in IEP classes and I got sent back because I was not as slow as they had thought.  So I was always in limbo.  I got decent grades but now I am getting help and things are a lot better.  I just hope he will be strong if not I will have to be strong for both of us .

hmontty

9fraulein:

hmontty:

9fraulein:

I'm going to make up a little genetics story here...on the spot...Well, let's say there's a school of  little fish, and one of those fishies has something different about her, like she's got little nubby arms instead of normal fins, so she's real sad about being different...she's an outcast, yadda yadda...then a bunch of mean, bigger fish come around to eat the whole school of little fishies, but the one with the weird fin-nubs is able to get out of the water and scoot up the shore until the bloodshed ends. She survives, due to the very thing that made her feel sad and different! Then she has babies and the future generations are all happy nubby-finned fish.

In genetics, "survival of the fittest" sometimes means survival of the "weird" one when the environment changes. Sometimes it sucks to be different, and then sometimes being different makes you more likely to survive. It all depends on the environment we end up in and there's no way to tell the future. There may be challenges ahead, but everyone has their own challenges in life, that's life! We're all different, embrace diversity!

 

My husband's jaw never grew. He had no chin until he was 20 and able to get two expensive plastic surgeries. He looked inhuman. He was an outcast and traumatized his whole childhood. I live in fear that my children will grow to have the same problem. I find your response simplistic and childish as well as insensitive. 

I hope that one day you will see the positive no matter the challenge, and not live your life in fear. I have a similar situation although not a jaw issue, and yes, fear to pass it on is a normal fear. However, what's the point to dwell on the negative and the fear? Everyone having kids can have these fears whether they are physical, mental...as I said, we are all different and face different challenges. As parents who have been through similar challenges our kids will face, perhaps we can use our own experience to help them in theirs. Find the silver linings. They are there.

 

Who says anyone is dwelling on the negative or living my life in fear? I don't spend my days worrying. But yes, of course it does pop into my head at times.

But no matter what happy horsesh!t you try to throw in my direction, there is no silver lining to having half a face. Ask my husband.

Your posts sound like you just got back from a life coaching convention. Ridiculous. One day I hope you wake up in the real world, where sometimes people are sad or scared, and where bad things happen to good people...and there's nothing wrong with feeling real emotion. 

RissKay

hmontty:

9fraulein:

I'm going to make up a little genetics story here...on the spot...Well, let's say there's a school of  little fish, and one of those fishies has something different about her, like she's got little nubby arms instead of normal fins, so she's real sad about being different...she's an outcast, yadda yadda...then a bunch of mean, bigger fish come around to eat the whole school of little fishies, but the one with the weird fin-nubs is able to get out of the water and scoot up the shore until the bloodshed ends. She survives, due to the very thing that made her feel sad and different! Then she has babies and the future generations are all happy nubby-finned fish.

In genetics, "survival of the fittest" sometimes means survival of the "weird" one when the environment changes. Sometimes it sucks to be different, and then sometimes being different makes you more likely to survive. It all depends on the environment we end up in and there's no way to tell the future. There may be challenges ahead, but everyone has their own challenges in life, that's life! We're all different, embrace diversity!

 

My husband's jaw never grew. He had no chin until he was 20 and able to get two expensive plastic surgeries. He looked inhuman. He was an outcast and traumatized his whole childhood. I live in fear that my children will grow to have the same problem. I find your response simplistic and childish as well as insensitive.

I find your post rude and condescending as well as pessimistic. So there. 

If you're really worried your children are going to have a problem, don't have children. That is the only sure-fire way that they won't have it. Sounds tough, but it's true.

If you are worried about your child having a condition that you or your family member suffers from, then you need to not have a child unless you are going to be willing and able to teach them how to get past it. The OP clearly understands what she's up against, and has other people in her life on whom she (it sounds like) can potentially rely on for support. I'm sorry your DH was treated horribly, no child deserves that but it wasn't 9fraulien who made fun of him.  

LittleFish1

It does suck; but fortunatly if he is autistic, times have changed where medical and school staff are more aware, and already recognizing certain traits means that you can talk with his pedi and teachers about possible modifications or OT options to help him work around the challenges. Have heard there are some therapies or early interventions when done in preschool or earlier years, some symptoms can be reversed .... not sure if that's the correct phrasing ....

BTW, its been my observation that academically speaking, kids who have struggles and overcome them with learning ways to work around the challenges, end up feeling far more resillant and are better equipped for facing future challenges than someone who found school to be easy.

Structenggal

hmontty:

9fraulein:

hmontty:

 My husband's jaw never grew. He had no chin until he was 20 and able to get two expensive plastic surgeries. He looked inhuman. He was an outcast and traumatized his whole childhood. I live in fear that my children will grow to have the same problem. I find your response simplistic and childish as well as insensitive. 

I hope that one day you will see the positive no matter the challenge, and not live your life in fear. I have a similar situation although not a jaw issue, and yes, fear to pass it on is a normal fear. However, what's the point to dwell on the negative and the fear? Everyone having kids can have these fears whether they are physical, mental...as I said, we are all different and face different challenges. As parents who have been through similar challenges our kids will face, perhaps we can use our own experience to help them in theirs. Find the silver linings. They are there.

 

Who says anyone is dwelling on the negative or living my life in fear? I don't spend my days worrying. But yes, of course it does pop into my head at times.

But no matter what happy horsesh!t you try to throw in my direction, there is no silver lining to having half a face. Ask my husband.

Your posts sound like you just got back from a life coaching convention. Ridiculous. One day I hope you wake up in the real world, where sometimes people are sad or scared, and where bad things happen to good people...and there's nothing wrong with feeling real emotion. 

you said you were living your life in fear.  no one implied it for you - you stated it.