I Think MIL Let DS CIO

Marsee

Last weekend I was SICK. So sick that I sent DS to stay with the ILs because I didn't even have the strength to get up and walk and DH was working all weekend. This was DS's first time away from me for more than 3 hours and he stayed with the ILs for two nights. The ILs are basically strangers to him and I was really worried about how things would go, but MIL said everything went well.

Before he stayed at ILs he was not the best sleeper. Down at 6:30-7pm and up every 30-50 minutes until I decide to go to bed with him. Every time he wakes, he has to either be rocked/walked or nursed back down. It also took an hour or more every night to get him to sleep in the first place. Then he's up 4-6 times after I go to bed and awake at 7-ish in the morning. This has been going on for months and months. Before I got sick we started working with him for about a week to help him sleep. 

Since he's been home from ILs he has slept REALLY well. He goes down at the same time, but if he wakes up all I have to do is stand outside his door and tell him to go back to sleep. And he does! No fussing, nothing. And he only wakes up maybe once before midnight. When I bring him to bed with me he maybe wakes up once. And his naps are much more awesome too.

I hate to think that MIL let him CIO, but she probably did. She has talked about it before. I really don't want to ask her about it; what's done is done. I feel bad for the little guy that he was basically with strangers and was left to CIO. But my confession is that I LOVE how he's sleeping now and it's a much needed break for DH and I. Right now I'm choosing to think that our little bit of sleep "training" and the different location helped him learn to sleep.

I guess I don't have a point to this rambling post, I just had to get it out and I knew you ladies here can commiserate. 

amatistajoy

Maybe she let him cry it out... mayyybe not. The break away and not having you at beck and call may have helped him sleep longer. I found after a bit that if I wasn't close by, my little guy slept better. I swore he could smell me! And, I think a lot of his wakings were eventually out of habit instead of necessity or even real want/need.

TiffanyBerry

You can't know if she did without asking.  She may not have, and when she came to him when he started crying in the middle of the night, he took a different tactic because it wasn't YOU.  Kids sleep very differently for different people.  and, as you say, if she did, she did, and it's over with now.

KateLouise

I absolutely know my mother would not let my babies CIO, but they always sleep better at her house. It's like if I'm not there then they know there's no point waking because I'm not around. Even though my Mum rocks/pats them to sleep.

I've never left my girls for more than an evening with my Mum, but maybe two whole nights would be enough to break a habit of waking for your LO?

I say don't torment yourself with what may or may not have happened and just enjoy the awesome sleeping. 

kcisthebombdotcom

KateLouise:

I absolutely know my mother would not let my babies CIO, but they always sleep better at her house. It's like if I'm not there then they know there's no point waking because I'm not around. Even though my Mum rocks/pats them to sleep.

I've never left my girls for more than an evening with my Mum, but maybe two whole nights would be enough to break a habit of waking for your LO?

I say don't torment yourself with what may or may not have happened and just enjoy the awesome sleeping. 

This has been my exact experience.

Marsee

KateLouise:

I absolutely know my mother would not let my babies CIO, but they always sleep better at her house. It's like if I'm not there then they know there's no point waking because I'm not around. Even though my Mum rocks/pats them to sleep.

I've never left my girls for more than an evening with my Mum, but maybe two whole nights would be enough to break a habit of waking for your LO?

I say don't torment yourself with what may or may not have happened and just enjoy the awesome sleeping. 

This is exactly what I'm doing. I can't keep wondering what happened. And I know if I ask her and I hear what I don't want to, then I'll really be upset. I'll just remain ignorant and in sleep bliss. 

tokenhoser

18 months is the age where DS night weaned with pretty minimal drama. It was probably just coincidentally good timing for whatever happened and worked.

neverblushed

It could have merely been the change of routine that helped him over the hump of getting himself back to sleep on his own when he wakes.

Or she could have let him CIO.  Or, maybe she did something in between.

Parents who are experiencing the fraught emotions surrounding sleep issues sometimes get trapped in a cycle of thinking that there are only two options: whatever they're currently doing to get their kids to sleep and cruelty, with nothing in between.  The reality is that there is a lot of room between those two extremes. 

I would be shocked if a grandma let a baby cry for a substantial amount of time, especially knowing that she just had to make it through a few nights of her own disrupted sleep until you were well enough to be on the job again.

Why not ask her?  Just say "Hey, Baby has been sleeping so well since his visit with you.  I was worried he would be up all night for you.  How did it go?"  

If she indicates that she let him CIO, I would say "well, that's not how I would have done things, but you were the one in charge that night, and he's fine, so thank you." 

Grandparents can be guided by your routine, but if you are going to use them as babysitters (which can be a beautiful thing for everyone involved) they have to have some latitude as well.

My kids are 8 and 12.  My parents live 4 miles from us, and they often spend time with my kids.  Occasionally they'll do things, buy things, or feed my kids things that would never be my choice. (In my situation this mostly revolves around food, not sleep!) Did my kids suffer because they ate hot dogs from 7-11 for lunch that day when they were with my dad?  Sigh.  Probably not too much.  In fact, they have probably benefited more from a close relationship with their grandparents than they have been damaged by a few hot dogs and candy bars.