New Here

mom2rzc

Hi ladies,

 

My wonderful friend told me to come join you guys here because I'm kind of in the middle of not knowing where to go to get support. 

 My name is Andi and I have 4 gorgeous boys. My oldest 3 (ages 8,5,2) were vaginal full term births. My 4th boy, Caleb (4 weeks), was a high risk pregnancy (severe polyhydramnios) with a c-section under general at 37 weeks. When he was born he was barely breathing and they later told me as soon as he got to the NICU, he stopped breathing completely. I came out of general to the words "Your baby is in the NICU with extremely premature lungs. He's on a ventilator helping him breathe." That was definitely not what I was expecting with a 37 weeker.

He was in the NICU for only 9 days. I say only because compared to others, 9 days is nothing. He had a pneumothorax and pneumonia within his first 48 hours, on top of being on the ventilator. His official diagnosis was RDS, pneumothorax and PDA.

Anyways, now that we're all home and healing and trying to make our own life here, I find myself being hit with PPD as well as having a difficult time making heads or tails of what happened. I feel guilty; I feel angry. I feel sad. I'm sad that I didn't get to hold him right away or that his first feeding wasn't nursing. Then I feel bad for feeling sad or angry because we're both alive and healthy.

 It will definitely be nice to talk to people who get it. I look forward to getting to know everyone here. 

mom2rzc

Thank you for the warm welcome. I admit, I wasn't sure if I should post on a preemie board because technically he was full term. I feel like I don't belong with preemie moms and I don't belong with full term moms. I need a "my baby was technically full term but was in the NICU anyways" group.

I am going to see my OB on Monday and she knows about my history with PPD and said at my check up a week ago that she would prescribe me something if it was getting worse. I'm also going to get resources from her for a counselor or group or something so I can talk to someone about it.  Even if it's just meeting other moms who have BTDT, I think it will help.

Thanks for asking how he's doing now. He's doing really well. His PDA has closed (or so they think since they don't hear a murmur) and his lungs sound good. We're just going to keep an extra close eye on him, well at least I know I am, but so far so good. He slept for 5 hours yesterday and I kept checking on him because I'm so paranoid he will stop breathing again. I was worried with my other 3 but with him, it's completely different.

 Editing to add a picture from our NICU stay. This was the first time I held him.