well.... I guess I'll just wait and see now...

jsolie

 So if you didnt read my other post, I'm in this really messy situation right now. My baby's father is engaged to another woman, and neither one of them know about the baby but today I told the fiance that we had sex, and she was totally like "you're lying, that can't be true, you're just jealous" and all that ***. I told her that he cheated on her, and that's all I really needed to do, right? I guess I'll just wait and see what she decides to do about it....

Monkeybird84

You should at least tell him that you're pregnant, too. Give him a chance to step up and do the right thing.

jsolie

I'm planning to once I'm out of the first trimester.

mel1987

I hope it all works out for you. Try not to focus on their relationship too much. Focus on you and your baby. I'm glad you told her, she has the right to know. Keep us posted! *hugs*

livleen3

Well I guess you dont really have to wait until second trimester to tell him b/c Im sure she has told him the news. Her response is kind of a defensive, I dont know what else to say response. I think many women would possibly say that. I dont know your entire situation like is this woman a friend of yours through him or you know her only b/c hes with her? It doesnt really matter. But I guess my advice is similar to the response before mine, take care of yourself and the baby.. Time will tell. 

But I think its unnecessary (IN MY OPINION) to communicate with his fiance. I dont think that serves any purpose. You should communicate with him.. But maybe give it time..

Just remember your baby feels everything you feel so sadness (hard to avoid), fighting ,drama is not good. Im in a shitty situation and I cry alot and am depressed and sometimes I just cant help it. But the things you do have control over, Take Control! Take Care of yourself.. Be close to your friends and family so they can provide you with support! 

moograe0326

I don't really understand why you felt the need to tell the fiance before (if at all) you would tell him? He should be the first person out of the two. He helped make the baby not her. Telling her first does come off as the jealous you're just out to split them up kind of news. If I were her, I wouldn't believe the woman that is coming to tell me as opposed to my husband telling me first. 

 Listen, I understand mistakes are made and we all make bad decisions (I am not a angel by ANY means) but you have to take other people out of the equation. First of all, it's YOUR baby that he helped create. The decision of whether or not you keep it should be based on if you feel as though YOU can raise the child. Then you factor in if he would have any support (if that means just CS then that means just CS). But by no means should you base a life of a child on the pure fact that his wife would be around your child too. You don't know the future, maybe they divorce from each other. Then what would your decision have been made for.

You need to take a step back and look at the bigger future of a human being that you are bringing life to. If that's something you want to do then do it, if you don't feel you can bring the life into the world, consider adoption to a loving family that has arms wide open for them.  

jsolie

I didn't tell her about the baby at all. I just told her we had sex. Neither one of them know anything about the baby.

moograe0326

jsolie:

I didn't tell her about the baby at all. I just told her we had sex. Neither one of them know anything about the baby.

Yea... I still don't see why you needed to tell her first about the sex if you don't plan on telling him about the baby. But to each their own. It's his burden to bare, however I still feel like you should have talked to him about it first.  

jsolie

um, because their wedding is in two months, and when I asked for advice people kinda put it like this, wouldn't you want to know that the person you're about to marry cheated on you? so I did the right thing and I told her. also why the hell should I have talked to him first? he totally ignored that anything even happened and when I tried to talk to him he just brushed me off so no.

mamastich

jsolie:

I didn't tell her about the baby at all. I just told her we had sex. Neither one of them know anything about the baby.

Ya that's weird... Why does thAt matter? Tell the father about the baby and then stop talking. All you're doing is starting dramA

pregokat

i will try to not be harsh, but it seems like your actions are causing more drama than necessary, 

to answer your question, no that is not all you really needed to do. If you told her, you should have told her the whole truth. You don't need to wait and see what she decides to do about it, You need to tell him and see what HE decides to do about it

my opinion/advice is that

1- stop talking with her. You are going to come off like the crazy jealous lady and she's not going to believe you anyways.

2- tell him soon, he needs to know, it's not fair to wait then surprise him with the news later. He needs to be able to start planning, especially if he has a wedding coming up

 I am not judging you at all, I was single my entire pregnancy, He went & got another girl pregnant within a month of me being pregnant... You have no idea how bad I wanted to tell her, how bad I wanted to expose his web of lies, etc... But I knew where that would lead.. & that she's going to find out eventually on her own..

Seriously right now you need to just think about you and the baby good luck 

septmom11

jsolie:

um, because their wedding is in two months, and when I asked for advice people kinda put it like this, wouldn't you want to know that the person you're about to marry cheated on you? so I did the right thing and I told her. also why the hell should I have talked to him first? he totally ignored that anything even happened and when I tried to talk to him he just brushed me off so no.

UMM dont you think this man deserves to know hes having a child.  Regardless if he stays with his fiance or not has nothing to do with it.  He deserves to know about the child.  He can step up and be a father to your child. whether he gets married to this woman or not is not your business or concern

inthelost

I wouldn't talk to the fiance anymore: you don't know what she's capable of and you need to protect you and your baby. Second of all, you need to tell HIM about the baby and just leave the fiance out of it. He needs to decide what to do with the news. I hope it works out one way or another though.

jsolie

I'm not talking to her anymore. I told her that he cheated on her, and that's it. I haven't talked to her at all since.

moograe0326

jsolie:

I'm not talking to her anymore. I told her that he cheated on her, and that's it. I haven't talked to her at all since.

We keep stating that you need to tell him... but you keep focusing on her... O.o 

adri2207

OMG some people for real. I get a kick outta reading the "advice comments"on these posts, theyre ridic for real. who cares if u havent told HIM ur preg, u told HER he cheated WHICH IS STEP ONE, which I'm sure the news will be passed on to him, (if he was so drunk he didnt remember) let them figure out their relationship, while you figure out what YOU want. if everyone WOULD HAVE READ ur last post, they would understand WHY u told her. smh, I cant even imagine what your going through but I wishh you the best of luck, health, wisdom & guidance!

& I know that some people on these boards are ridiculously self righteous & it seems like all it takes is ONE person to say something rude & then these little mini electronic armies form & everyone starts attacking the moms that come on here FOR ADVICE, I feel so bad for u/them. j ignore everyone,.... & congrats on your little miracle