FTM: Please reassure me

VitaLuna

Hi ladies. I'm REALLY on board with "natural"/med-free birthing, and have weighed a lot of birth options.

We went to the nurse midwifery clinic I chose today, and I'm getting nervous. It's a stand-alone birth center and clinic with two labor rooms. It's staffed by CNMs, but is associated with the hospital across the street. They don't do any pain meds, have birthing tubs, have regular beds, etc. Great place.

I'm feeling a little uneasy, though, because NO ONE I know has had an out-of-hospital birth, and most absolutely don't agree with them. I don't care what they think, except for the fact that I have no one to talk to, and don't have much support (except for DH). Plus, the average length of stay PP is 4-6hrs, which is way different than what my brain (or society) has told me is "normal" (i.e. 1-2 days in the hospital).

Please tell me it's going to be ok! The only "real life" experience I have is with hospital births, so this is completely unfamiliar territory.

KateLouise

It can definitely work out ok. I'm in New Zealand, and lots of people here have birth centre births. In fact, in the city I'm in, it's unusual to go to the hospital unless you have some risk or issue. 

Can you work out what it is that makes you nervous: lack of access to pain meds? something else? Just thinking if you can pinpoint what makes you most nervous then perhaps ladies here can offer some advice or support.

Good luck with your upcoming birth. 

vintagejjane

It is going to be ok! Read a lot of birth stories, watch a lot of birth videos, and I think that will make you more comfortable. More than likely you will really enjoy not having to stay at a hospital for 1-2 days. If it makes you feel more comfortable, line someone up to help you when you get home, like your mom, MIL, sibling. I think that's what really helped me. My mom was there from the time DD was born to about 3 days after. Anything I was unsure of, she was there to help.

aylafsu88

Remember women have been giving birth for thousands of years.  Your body was designed to give birth and you will be able to do it.  Our socitey has associated childbirth with hospitals but childbirth is a natural event.  I agree with PP, read lots of birth stories and ask your MW lots of questions.  Hopefully, this will help ease your nervousness.  You can do it!

jmetzler05

That sounds like an ideal set-up!  The fact that you could be in a natural birth environment with skilled midwives is great, but you still have the safety of being close to a hospital in the rare (but possible) case of emergency.  We have a birth center like that near me, but it's way too far from a hospital for me to feel comfortable using it.  The short PP stay seems like a challenge to me, too, but I think that's just because I had a c-section and can't imagine going home.  But, I've known lots of people who had a natural birth and were very happy heading for the comfort of home that soon...I guess that's that beauty of natural birth!  I think you do need to make sure you make arrangements for help when you get home (like DH taking off work).

headgear03

Free standing birth centers are awesome ! I have had three natural water births at my free standing birth center which is 8 miles from the nearest hospital . It's actually nice knowing I'm that far from the drugs it makes the pain easier in a funny way since I know there is no way I'm getting anything. I hate hospitals so staying in one for two days of even 12 hours would drive me insane . Hospitals are very impersonal where as the birth center is much more relaxing. It's nice they leave you alone no noisy machines, blood pressure checks and strange noises out your door for a few hours after the birth so you can fully bond as a family and get real rest which I think goes along way . Try not to think of what the norm is here in US. My midwife actually comes over every other day for the first week after the birth then two to three times for the next two weeks followed by once a week till six weeks pp. it's awesome knowing that if I have a question or concern ill see her that day . I think you'll get a more relaxed birth where your going and by the time it's time to go home you'll be ready ! Good luck! Anymore questions of concerns just ask .

MrsCaddyshack

This sounds like an ideal scenario! You are supported in your hope to be med-free, yet you are close to help if you need it! Relax!

I had an un-medicated hospital birth and it was very tough to be restricted to the hospital rules of monitoring, and without access to some wonderful pain relievers like the birthing tub.

You will get the best of both worlds. You will have support for your wishes, and will be close to help if you need it (which you most likely won't!)

Trust your body and your midwives! And best wishes for a wonderful birth!

starshineamator

I'm a FTM too, and planning a home birth. I'm in a similar boat as you- no one I know has had an out-of-hospital birth before (and I don't even think any of the hospital births has been natural- we have a LOT of c-sections in my family). I'm actually taking it even more "out there" (for my fam) by using hypnobabies. 

The way that I've chosen to deal with it is to prevent negativity. What this means for me is that I don't tell people my birth plan UNLESS I know for a fact that they will be supportive. At this point, the only people who know (other than Spouse and myself) are my best friend, my mom, and a random cousin who happened to mention that he thinks water births are so cool and hopes his wife wants one someday (LOL). I've heard plenty of comments about "not doing anything weird" and just "go to the hospital and do what they tell you", how badly you'll need the epidural, and all kinds of other hospital-related things, and I just tune them out (hypnobabies bubble of peace! haha) and laugh it off, responding with vague answers when asked specific questions about my plan. 

One of my cousins told me over Christmas (she just has her first last May) that the best thing to do is to not let anybody tell you their birth stories, and just stop them and say "no thanks" or "ahhh I don't want to hear it!" or something like that. I thought it was GREAT advice for keeping sane and the hypnobabies class actually promotes the same exact method.

For some reason, when it comes to this stuff, people just think they know best and aren't open to alternatives, even if you have research to back you up. Despite being the kind of person who will debate with anyone about anything, I've found that avoiding the conversations is the best way to deal with it while I'm pregnant. Once I've given birth, I'll tell anyone who asks or cares. But in the meantime, I've done my research, I know what is right for me, and I just simply don't NEED the negative input from others. 

Stay strong!! And if you need support, this board is really great.  

amberthehobbit

My midwifery group has mommy groups and home birth circles. It made a world of difference being around like minded people.

VitaLuna

Thank you all for your awesome/supportive responses! I think the suggestion of not really telling people is probably a good option, since I don't really want to hear their negative opinions anyway, and I don't want to have to explain myself.

Our midwifery group offers both the traditional model of care, and the "centering pregnancy" (group care) model. I really wasn't interested in the group thing at first, but now I'm thinking it might be a really good idea to have that support.

My mom will be able to help me at home. I still don't think she's 100% on board with my plan, but she knows that I'm strong willed and will do what I want anyway, so she is trying to be supportive.

Thank you all again! I look forward to following the board and hopefully putting my mind more at ease that this IS normal, and I'm not as crazy as people think

[Deleted User]

CNMs are highly skilled at what they do, and very good an anticipating if a move to the hospital might become necessary.  It's right across the street!  I think you've made a great decision and you're lucky to have access to a birth center so close to a hospital.

You're probably not going to need it though!  I'm sure everything will be just fine.  Good luck.