Grandparents in Open Adoption?
I haven't seen this addressed... our current match is with someone who is relatively independent of their parents (they are partnered, maintain their own home, and live in a different state, though a college student). We have a slight concern that the while the partner is supportive, this expectant parent's mom and dad might not be supportive--- and after a conversation with the expectant parent, (who thinks they will likely be supportive enough), we teased out that it's likely due to retro-ideas of what adoptions mean---
My questions:
1. Do parents of a non-minor have a legal recourse to intervene in an adoption plan? Or during the revocation period?
2. What does open adoption look like if it involves grandparents from the expectant parent? Is that always brokered through the birth parent? Do people have relationships with birth family grandparents that do not always involve the birth parent? [here we are thinking specifically, about a situation where our birth parent has noted that they will likely need space to grieve post-transfer, but what if their mom or dad want to see the grandchild?]
Thanks!
Re: Grandparents in Open Adoption?
1. I don't think that parents of a non-minor can interfere with an adoption plan (unless there are some circumstances that aren't the norm - maybe? - but I can't imagine what.)
2. I can tell you what our open adoption looks like with our dd's birthmom and her family. Not sure what you mean by 'brokered.' Do you mean are visits set up by the birth parents vs. grandparents? In our case, sometimes DD's birthmom would ask for a visit and at other times, her mom, DD's birth grandma would ask. (We would ask for visits as well - it's pretty much 50/50 as far as them vs. us asking.) Once DD's birthmom was 18, we asked her if she'd want a visit on her own but before that we tended to get together with her, her parents, and her brothers.)
I have heard of situations where the adoptive family has contact with birth grandparents but not the birthparents. I think it just depends on the situation and whatever is best for the child.
RIght that's exactly what I meant--- Thanks!
1. I do not think so, unless the child is in state custody.
2. We do not have any contact or communication with my boys' birth parents (for many reasons; safety among them). I do send pictures twice a year to one set of the birth grandparents. There is no communication back and forth with them though. (I had to put a stop to it when I heard them telling my boys that as soon as their "real mom" got enough money, she would come and get them. My youngest didn't understand, but my oldest was obviously really upset. Neither of them remember anyone but me. I confronted them on it and they did not see anything wrong with what they said. They told me that the boys were their grandsons and they could say whatever they wanted. I wrote a letter through my lawyer and we stopped direct contact.)
Mother of two wonderful boys! Blessed through adoption.
1. Agreed, no legal recourse, but they can make their feelings known via other channels (personal pressure or support)
2. I would assume it's something you would figure out along the way, just like a relationship with the BPs. I can tell you that DD's BM and BGM are very close, and our GTGs are always with both of them. If her BM couldn't make it to a GTG, or wanted some space, we wouldn't have an issue with seeing BGM only.
Thanks everyone. I'm going to be interested to see how this plays out. We've already said we won't do an official match for a few more weeks- we're waiting on the last round of genetic testing (no particular reason other than I really do not feel equipped to raise a special needs child- so if something comes up unfortunate there, this will fall through) but we also will not match officially until we know and have a handle on what the birth parents' families are experiencing/thinking- and even then knowing that things might change---
But I feel like if I know if the BGM is giving her blessing to the plan, that things might be slightly more secure.
Have I mentioned I don't do well with uncertainty? It's gonna be a long 5 months.
We are actually more involved w/our girls birth grandparents than birth moms.
DD1- We've yet to meet DD1's bm but we see her parents once a year and we send pics and updates. They are lovely people and very supportive of adoption. It's really a nice relationship.
DD2- Birth grandmother was not in favor of adoption but has since changed her mind and it works well with her. We see her twice a year (this wasn't part of original plan but we drive by her place when headed to our mountain vacation spot). It's a nice relationship and one more person to love on our girls
This exactly, and this is what I'm hoping. That the BGP don't create a stir because they aren't willing to raise another child (which is what the situation would be) but that they want to be involved to love on the kidlet.
Oh that had to be comfortable. *rme*
Mary- Just keep in mind that sometimes that warm and fuzzy feeling doesn't happen until Bgma can see you functioning as a family... one that is full of love and something that she or her daughter weren't able to provide in the moment. That's when the real bonding and appreciation can happen.... seeing the real picture... not just the glossy profiles that we share