Seriously...Why would someone act like that?

Williamandshawnna

Only because I know this is a safe place for me and you amazing ladies will understand.

Today I was questioned and looked down upon in a very negative way because I chose not to see my boys, I chose not to hold them and I chose not to name them. I know I made the decision that was best for me in that moment.

I am someone that has never regretted anything in my life, but these are the three things I do regret. And to have someone judge me on them makes me feel horrible and angry. My mind is spinning with thoughts again on how I could have made those choices, they are my children!!!

Sorry I just needed a safe place to vent. Thank you ladies for listening.

LuckEinLuv

No one has the right to judge your decisions!! Obviously you can not go back and hold them, but it is never too late to name them, if you want to. We were just discussing this last month at my support group. The leader was telling us that when she first started the group about 25 years ago, there was a couple who didn't even find out the gender if their loss. A year later they found out it was a girl. 5 years after that, they gave her a name. Do not let anyone make you second guess yourself. You did what you needed to do. Big hugs to you.

arm08

So sorry for your loss. As a pretty new loss mommy I understand your regrets I didn't have pictures taken of Isabella and I have been dealing with that regret but untill they have walked in our shoes no one has any right to question or judge you for what you did. When everything happened with me I was in a state of shock and you make decisions that you feel are right at that moment.

jess123456

Hugs to you. This makes me so angry that someone would make you feel that way. They have absolutely no right to put that judgement on you. You did what you needed to do for you and your family during that time and absolutely no one should question that. I am so sorry that this happened.

Bayberry12

LuckEinLuv:

No one has the right to judge your decisions!! Obviously you can not go back and hold them, but it is never too late to name them, if you want to. We were just discussing this last month at my support group. The leader was telling us that when she first started the group about 25 years ago, there was a couple who didn't even find out the gender if their loss. A year later they found out it was a girl. 5 years after that, they gave her a name. Do not let anyone make you second guess yourself. You did what you needed to do. Big hugs to you.

 This is very true.  What you did or didn't do, was right for you in that moment.  No one has any right to tell you it was wrong.  That is a is a value judgement and your decisions are yours and no one else's, no matter what they say or think.  

I am so sorry they mad you upset.  I get waves or regret, where I wish I had done things differently, but my choices are made and can't be changed.  If later you feel like naming you children, you can.  If you don't feel the desire to, no one can tell you you are wrong.  They don't know what this is like for you.  

lrichmond86

Ticker warning...

 

 

I am so sorry you were made to feel this way!  You did what was right for you and NO ONE has any right to judge your decisions about your children.  Your boys still love their mama and no one here thinks you love them any less!  Big hugs for you!

Williamandshawnna

Thank you ladies. It was a horrible day yesterday and TTCAL is bringing so many emotions with it. I do know I can always go back and name our boys later, and maybe we will at some point. But for some reason I look at it like, I made the choice then and now I have to live with it. All of this drives me nuts, everything messes with your head, your emotions. Ughhh.

HUGS to all of you on different paths in your journey.

-Shawnna

tuscanbride2007

LuckEinLuv:

No one has the right to judge your decisions!! Obviously you can not go back and hold them, but it is never too late to name them, if you want to. We were just discussing this last month at my support group. The leader was telling us that when she first started the group about 25 years ago, there was a couple who didn't even find out the gender if their loss. A year later they found out it was a girl. 5 years after that, they gave her a name. Do not let anyone make you second guess yourself. You did what you needed to do. Big hugs to you.

Perfectly said. NOBODY has the right to judge you and your decision. This makes me angry. I don't understand why people feel the need to judge when they have not walked in your shoes. They don' t know what they would do in that situation until they have actually been through it. 

((HUGS))

bunnybun4

I echo what PP's have said.  People have no idea what you have gone through and have no idea of why you made the decisions you did.

We didn't name our little girl either and didn't get the choice to see her (but we had decided against it anyway).  I feel good about both of those decisions.  Everyone grieves differently...and when you are in that terrible moment of having to decide everything you are choosing what is best for you.

((HUGS))

MAYashes86

I'm so sorry that this happened to you, no one can or should ever attempt to judge your situation, as they haven't lived it. I felt very judged at the hospital when I had to deliver my son's body & also chose not to see or hold it. It hasn't been 2 weeks out yet from my loss, but I'm not sorry I made the decision I made & I believe we made the same decision for the same reasons. I want to remember my son kicking, wiggling & being happy & full of life. I didn't want to have to see his empty body, with him gone from it. He wasn't there anymore. Your sons would not blame you for that. Their souls had already moved on to Heaven. 

jebretz

So sorry to hear your were judged!  That is just awful.  I hope that whoever acted like that is regretting it. I also would have changed things, but am confident I made the best decisions I was able to at the worse time of my life.

Also, I PM'd you. Just some extra reaching out.  

ILoveRedVino

I chose to see and hold my son because it was the right decision for me.

My husband stepped out of the room and did not see or hold him.

What is right for one person isn't right for another, and that is absolutely ok.  We all have to protect our hearts, and no one has the right to tell us how to do that. 

I kind of want to punch the person who questioned you - he/she is lucky that he/she doesn't have to understand.

Williamandshawnna

jebretz:

So sorry to hear your were judged!  That is just awful.  I hope that whoever acted like that is regretting it. I also would have changed things, but am confident I made the best decisions I was able to at the worse time of my life.

Also, I PM'd you. Just some extra reaching out.  

I replied, thank you.

Luckie519

First, I am sorry for your loss.   

I agree with LuckEinLuv.  It is too late to go back and hold them, but never too later to name them.  Also, don't let anyone make you feel bad or regret your decision.  They are (or were) not in your shoes.  You did what you thought was best then.  No one has the right to judge you.