Can I just be frustrated?

new+tothis

XH and I don't get along well but we don't fight either. It's fairly drama free for the most part but the communication is non-existent. In November XH sued me for full custody and full decision making.... despite the fact that he has never participated in ANY decisions for DS despite my best efforts. His attorney has done virtually nothing which is why 3 months later we still haven't made any progress whatsoever (not even scheduling the CO mediation.... they're thinking about fighting in front of the judge so we don't have to do mediation which I think is kind of crazy.) I think his family had a lot to do with him filing for custody.

Well, our CO says we will go to 50/50 custody in March 2013. That's it. Doesn't specify days, times, or anything else. I want to plan activities and things but I have no clue what our schedule will be next month or if XH will even want to go to 50/50. He refuses to speak to me about virtually anything these days. It's so frustrating! Ugh.

My biggest fear is that he will just try to keep DS and not bring him back at the end of his scheduled weekend visits. Thanks to our super ambiguous CO there's nothing we can really do about it if he does that. I just don't understand why he won't even TRY to come to at least a temporary agreement to start next month and last until we get into court (which could very well be 6-12+ months). In the meantime I can't even get him to call DS once a week which would make DS incredibly happy.

fellesferie

Oh, man. How frustrating.

What does your attorney advise? I don't see how you can go to 50/50 without any details being hashed out. My god, I'd be beyond stressed.

I don't really have much in the way of advice. =/ Just wanted to say sorry, and congrats on your pregnancy. 

+just+j+

Why is it so vague?

I think you need to write up something, spell it out exactly how you think it should be, and propose it to him.  Request that he sign off on it and agree to it by a specific time. 

If he doesn't respond, send it to him again certified mail.  Request another date, and state that if he does not respond, that you will seek legal counsel to firm up the arrangement.

You can say all of this in a polite, simple, professional way.

new+tothis

I've tried the letter thing with him before - he just doesn't respond. I do have an attorney but there isn't much to do if he won't talk about it. I brought it up to him during the exchange tonight (DS had fallen asleep so he was still in his car seat sleeping when I asked). He told me what he wanted to do. I said I'd think about it and that I'd like to send him some additional options. He agreed. I'm shocked!

+just+j+

Let me be more specific. If he won't talk about it YOU TAKE HIM TO COURT and ask for moficiation and serve your ex with papers.  Your lawyer should tell you that you can do this. If he/she doesn't, then you need a new lawyer.  Then you don't have to discuss it with your ex at all.  You discuss it with a judge.

It's that simple. If he's an ass and can't make an adult decision with you in regards to your children - take him to court and force his hand.

Ilumine

+just+j+:

Let me be more specific. If he won't talk about it YOU TAKE HIM TO COURT and ask for moficiation and serve your ex with papers.  Your lawyer should tell you that you can do this. If he/she doesn't, then you need a new lawyer.  Then you don't have to discuss it with your ex at all.  You discuss it with a judge.

It's that simple. If he's an ass and can't make an adult decision with you in regards to your children - take him to court and force his hand.

++ This.

Seriously, if you have an issue with the CO being so vague (btw - you SIGNED this vague CO to begin with, so the issues are pretty much your fault) then DO something about it.

Your lawyer is either lazy, incompetent or both. 

LoveActually4

That's great he talked about it!

However from here on, I would communicate solely in writing. You need documentation! Send him an email that says "based on our conversation on Friday, you suggested xyz but id like abc". That way you can capture the conversation you already had.