NBR - How often do you give up the goods?

TwiMom

Well I guess it is a little baby related because I sort of feel like we never got back what we had before DD arrived!  And it's come to my attention recently that my DH feels really neglected and useless so I want to fix that right away!  So I'm asking those of you with healthy sex lives...how often do you do it?  Any tips for spicing things up?  I saw an idea online...giving him beads that he can put out in a little dish next to the bed any time he wants it to take the pressure off of asking for it and possibly getting rejected...thoughts?  Do you do anything similar?  Thanks ladies!

Mrs. Mo

TwiMom:

Well I guess it is a little baby related because I sort of feel like we never got back what we had before DD arrived!  And it's come to my attention recently that my DH feels really neglected and useless so I want to fix that right away!  So I'm asking those of you with healthy sex lives...how often do you do it?  Any tips for spicing things up?  I saw an idea online...giving him beads that he can put out in a little dish next to the bed any time he wants it to take the pressure off of asking for it and possibly getting rejected...thoughts?  Do you do anything similar?  Thanks ladies!

I'd probably end up pretending I didn't see them there

No advice though, sorry.

TwiMom

Packerfan79:

But if you see the beads and dont have sex, isnt that rejection too?

 

Yes that would be...but the point of the beads is that they are given like a gift and they aren't supposed to be rejected. 

thetheisens

We have a pretty active  life, 5 to 7 times a week. We are both happy with that, but I think it depends on the couple to decide how often is good for them and their relationship. Communication is huge, if you want more sex, tell him! Talk about it, flirt with him, give each other compliments, put on something sexy for bed. The biggest thing is to make time for each other, set aside time that being together is the priority.

christiney06

Packerfan79:

But if you see the beads and dont have sex, isnt that rejection too?

 

exactly! I think two mature adults who love each other should be able to handle rejection every once in a while.  If one partner is turning down the other a lot, well, there's a bigger issue there.  MH and I are back on track finally. We average about 2-3x a week which is plenty for us.  At our worst we were at 1-2x a month. 

mrsgabus

usually 3-5 times a week. However I had some medical stuff going on the past little while so twice in 2 months <cries> 

I should add that I have never turned DH down, if he starts something or asks, it is on... He on the other hand has turned me down. 

Fianschneid

Lately, it's been about once a week and that's because I've really been making an effort. Before that, it was about once a month

cantalopes24

We are at 3 to 5 times a week. Usually one of us just flat out asks but some things that are helpful to me are having help around the house and with the kids so Im not tired or stressed out. We give each other massages, shower together, sometimes we watch porn or use toys. We will sometimes schedule sex in advance and talk it up. I also try not to turn him down if its been more than 3 days and once we get started I never regret it. Also being clear on what we both like helps because we know certain things that get the other going and its all around more enjoyable.

missyishere

DH and I just recently got back to our groove, and I think a lot of it had to do with communication. We both wanted more intimacy but used excuses instead of proper communication of our desires. A little comprising and some lube later, and we're at a healthy sex life again.

jwls84

TwiMom:

;I saw an idea online...giving him beads that he can put out in a little dish next to the bed any time he wants it to take the pressure off of asking for it and possibly getting rejected...thoughts? nbsp;Do you do anything similar? nbsp;Thanks ladies!

I would be staring at beads all day everyday! MH always wants to have sex, I agree that seeing and ignoring the beads would become just as much of a rejection as it would be if he just asked and would become equally as annoying as him asking all the damn time.
We have sex often, probably 4 or 5 times a week, depending on whether we have sex more than once a day or not. Honestly sex is way better now, it feels better and I enjoy it more then Pre baby! Have you tried reading some adult literature to get you in the mood or drinking some wine. Or watching a TV show that can get racy?

KrisM86

Before getting pregnant again (and in the first trimester), we usually had sex 3-4 times a week. Now it's more like 1-2 times a week, but that is mostly because I'm exhausted and uncomfortable by the end of the day.

I woke up at 5am the other day and DD was actually still sleeping, so we had morning sex. That was hot! 

stardust317

It varies a lot for us. On birth control, it's 1 to 2 times per week and when not on birth control, it's more like 5 times a week. During pregnancy, it's like once a month.

I'm currently twiddling my thumbs waiting on clearance from a doctor.

DH also complains about getting rejected during our slumps, but otherwise, he doesn't get rejected much.

blu-eyedwife

mrsgabus:

I should add that I have never turned DH down, if he starts something or asks, it is on...

This.  We typically have sex twice a week, but I've never said no to sex, so if he wants it more, he gets it more.  I don't really understand the rejection thing.  It's not like you always have to be an uber-active participant.

LCass

TwiMom:

Packerfan79:

But if you see the beads and dont have sex, isnt that rejection too?

Yes that would be...but the point of the beads is that they are given like a gift and they aren't supposed to be rejected. 

Yeah, no.  There'd be a bead just about every day from DH.  We're still trying to find a good rhythm since we have very different drives.

jonnygurl76

A lot more often since DH was snipped.  There is no stress, no worry, no birth control. It is fun again.  It would be everyday if it was up to DH, but we are at 2-3 times a week. 

 

morsey2011

Probably about 3 times a week. Some weeks it's less, some more, but I don't like to go more than 3 days without doing it. 

missyishere

jonnygurl76:

A lot more often since DH was snipped.  There is no stress, no worry, no birth control. It is fun again.  It would be everyday if it was up to DH, but we are at 2-3 times a week. 

I'm trying to convince my DH to get this done soon.  We may wait another couple of years juuuuuust to make sure we don't want another, but the chances are slim right now.