PAL CheckIn

Mrs Nice

Hello Ladies. 

Welcome to Thursday PAL Checkin! This CheckIn is for everyone who is parenting after a loss. If you have an older child or a rainbow baby or both you are welcome to share here.

I hope everyone is having a good week. If anyone has any suggestions for questions, please don't be shy! 

Where are you in your PAL journey? 

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently? 

QOTW: Do you have anything from your angel that you passed on to your other child(ren)?

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? 

Xath

Where are you in your PAL journey?

I don't know.  My son is the only reason I think I'm not totally crazy right now.  Most of my happy moments are because of him.  I do find that I'm completely petrified that something will happen to him.  I'm pretty sure that if anything happened to him, I'd be ruined.  I didn't want to be a totally overprotective mom, but now I find that I jump over minor things, have much more trouble letting him cry, and I just want to fix everything instantly.  I got him the book "We were going to have a baby, but we had an angel instead" but I still haven't read it to him because I can't read it without crying. 

What are some PAL challenges you have faced recently?

J decided to develop the ability to have toddler tantrums in the last few weeks. That's been all sorts of fun.  I know it's a developmental milestone he needs to hit, but I've found myself frustrated with increased bouts of whining and fake crying.  Overall he's a happy kid, and I really can't complain.   

QOTW: Do you have anything from your angel that you passed on to your other child(ren)?

Ellie was so much smaller, there's not much of hers that could go to him. I had purchased several cloth diapers for her that he's been using.  Our friends brought us a "baby girl" balloon in the hospital after Ellie was born. J has really loved playing with it.  It's finally falling after 6 weeks.  We're going to save it and put it in her memory box.  I've set aside 2 outfits that we bought especially for Eleanor that will go into her memory box, but we've boxed up all of the other clothing to save for another daughter, if we're lucky enough to have one.  

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I guess I'm gradually starting to accept that she's really gone? I keep finding myself praying that I'll wake up and this will have all been a terrible nightmare and I'll still be pregnant and it will be Christmas again.  But the more time that passes, the more mundane crap I do, the less I can hope that that will happen.