Thankyou! Physically doing better - emotionally? I´m not sure. Looong.

101Mims

Thankyou ladies for your kind words and congratulations. We are rather smitten. It?s hard at the moment as Im not getting much time with DS and I miss him terribly. I havent had a proper hug and snuggle in what feels like an age and I dare not try my luck, as I need to keep this recovery on track for both LOs.

So here?s the thing playing in the back of my mind...DS had a bit of a rocky start, even tho he was a chunk when delivered. And I had a horrid time with his labour and the unplanned CS. I?d not even considered the possibility I?d end up in the OR, so had done no research and knew nothing. Hubby not being allowed to come with me for the proceduure was just straw that broke my back as it were. Obviously DS has suffered no ill effects from his weight loss and feeding issues and that CS recovery went reasonably well.

The CS with Delilah - being my second, having a days notice and at far better hospital - has been sooo much eaiser. I was on my feet on day 2, out of hospital on the morning of day 4, and feeling well enough to go shopping on day 6. I have also been given a new "prettier" scar which Im looking forward to seeing when healed.

And I?m sooo glad physically I?m doing alot better this time round. But Ive got this silly nagging doubt that I may have contributed to Delilah?s low birth weight and consequently, her early arrival and the problems she has. I know they are not major, and of course I count our blessings every day, but mummy guilt is a pretty hefty load to bear.

With DS I gained about 50lbs over the 40 weeks, I went into labour naturally and he was delivered at a good birth weight on his due date. CS was cz he hadn`t engaged, was sunny side up and lying oblique.

Now with Delilah I only gained 13lbs up to her delivery date, from a start weight of 130lbs. I had no morning sickness, no reflux, no food issues, problems, aversions or cravings. I just carried on as normal, same as I did with DS. Bt the weight didn?t go on, even tho I kept expecting it to.I am hypothyroid, and in treatment, but that was the case while expecting DS too.

The team who delivered Delilah didnt note anything abnormal with the placenta, or umbilical cord so the delivery system for her nutrients seems to have been fine, but she just wasnt getting what she needed and it was first noted at her 20 week scan. She wasnt classed as IUGR, but  as the pregnancy progressed and there were no growth spurts, she was always boarderline.

 I weighed myself yesterday morning and Im only up 4lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight, which doesnt seem normal or healthy. So of course, as I?m still hormonal and seriously sleep deprived, all I can think of is that I didnt eat enough for her to grow properly   I?m having a hard time getting my head round it and feel pretty dreadfull.

 If you have made it to the end of this - thankyou again and if you have any thoughts or advice I?d greatly appreciate it xx and if not? well I guess it?s always good to get negative thoughts off the mind.

Better out, than in

pennysuedog

I really doubt it has anything to do with how you were eating!  We don't know all the mysteries of our bodies.  You may never know why she was smaller.  My mother was full term and weighed 4 pounds, her 2 older and one younger sibling all weighed 8 pounds plus.  She is beautiful and will catch up quick!

Chunstad

((((((hugs)))))))))  I'm sure that you are doing the best that you can, along with doing the best that you could when you were pg.  Remember, this time you were chasing a toddler around, so you couldn't eat like you did the first go 'round.  Also, you were probably getting more exercise.  You might be overthinking this, like you said, you are hormonal right now.  I remember those days afterwards, those were a b!tch having all of those extra hormones.

aml+japan

I agree with the getting more exercise part, ie, chasing a toddler. And here in Japan the doctors encourage pregnant women to gain only 10 lbs max over baby's birth weight for a healthy birth. That's right, ten. I dismayed them all by gaining thirty. So I don't think your lack of weight gain is a factor.

Gipper0809

Aw, you're doing great.  You can't blame yourself for your DD's birthweight.  Some thing just don't make sense and we'll never know the reasons why things happen the way they do. 

I gained very little (like less than 20 lbs) with all 3 of my babies and all three were large.  It was strange for sure. 

Hang in there and know that you're DD is doing well and concentrate on enjoying your new family of four.

Shannon526

Gipper0809:

Aw, you're doing great.  You can't blame yourself for your DD's birthweight.  Some thing just don't make sense and we'll never know the reasons why things happen the way they do. 

Hang in there and know that you're DD is doing well and concentrate on enjoying your new family of four.

I agree with all of this. With L, I gained 25 pounds and she was still small. I've already gained 25 plus pounds with this pregnancy and the baby's weight is only in the 35th percentile. Like Gipper said, some things just don't make sense, and it's nothing you were doing or not doing. Please try not to beat yourself up over it, those postpartum hormones are no joke and I'm sure they are playing a role in your mommy guilt.

Hang in there and know that you have all of us here for support :-)

101Mims

I knew I was right to post here rather than my birth month board - I really needed to here the sage words that come from mommas who have been where I am right now.

and you know what? I never even considered factoring in running after, and carrying about a  35lb toddler, to the lack of weight gained during this pregnancy. I really must just be focussing on the trying to balance the new baby and Tai, and obviously have no brain cells left to be mulling over the whys and wherefors of Delilah?s  preemie problems.

So maybe the extra excercise kept the weight off, but I know it may have no influence at all, and it?s probably more than likely that it?s just one of those little mysteries, as Gipper said

 Thankyou, all of you, for helping me gain some much needed perspective xx