surprise shower?

mandy_marie

I know that when you're throwing a shower, it's fun for it to be a surprise.  I'm not expecting anything, but the people who might put one together love that element of surprise.

My worry is this:  My bachelorette party and bridal shower were both surprises.  When you're the guest of honor at something like that, it's nice to.. uh.. look your best, ya know?  For my bachelorette, I was on my way to the art studio to work on some paintings, so I was literally wearing rags!!!

With not feeling great lately, I would like to know ahead of time if there's going to be a shower.  I don't need details, just the date/time would be nice.   I told my husband this, but I don't know if he'll have the guts to pass that message along.

Does it seem like I am being ungrateful for feeling like this and wanting to know in advance?? 

1026pumpkin

I don't think you're being ungrateful- nobody wants to have crazy hair and sweats on at their shower.  Maybe ask your husband to make sure the ruse to get you out of the house is an excuse that would prompt you to dress nicely (i.e. going to lunch or dinner, NOT let's pick up the dog from the groomer).  This wouldn't really ruin any of the surprise, and I think your hosts would understand not wanting to show up in gym clothes.

526SadieSadie

My friends' sisters told her her surprise bridal shower was a halloween party - luckily she figured it out in time because she said she'd have worn kitty ears and drawn whiskers on her face!

I don't think you'd be out of line asking the shower not to be a surprise at all.  If you're feeling like crap, you certainly want to try to not look like crap at your baby shower!

StarBe

Same situation here - I put my baby shower outfit in the car ready to go - I told DH he better make sure I have my hair done (ie tell me we are going to lunch or something)... if not I at-least have my clothes handy!

RoxyLynn

I don't really understand this "surprise party shower" business in the northeast.  Could you just tell your Mom that if anyone is planning something you'd like to know about it?

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EastCoastBride

O.k. - a surprise shower... while not a fan, in the end, it's not really an event that we HAVE to look 100% perfect for (although I DO understand wanting to be able to look your best).

But your bachelorette party???  really?  And you were on your way to an art studio?  I'm kind of floored by this.  Your friends did this to you?  really?  

Is there that "one" person who was involved but who might understand who you can gently complain to about how you REALLY hope there are no surprise showers this time around?  That you're kind of tired of not feeling you look your best?

guilletskichuk

1026pumpkin:

I don't think you're being ungrateful- nobody wants to have crazy hair and sweats on at their shower.  Maybe ask your husband to make sure the ruse to get you out of the house is an excuse that would prompt you to dress nicely (i.e. going to lunch or dinner, NOT let's pick up the dog from the groomer).  This wouldn't really ruin any of the surprise, and I think your hosts would understand not wanting to show up in gym clothes.

This.

My bridal shower was supposed to be a surprise but DH spilled and told me ahead of time. It was nice to know so that I could look decent, but then I had to pretend like I didn't know about it and that was kind of awkward. I've never been surprised by anything before (I even knew when DH was going to pop the question)...so I was a little bummed that there was supposed to be a surprise for me and then it wasn't.

However, I would be totally fine if someone threw a shower for me and it wasn't supposed to be a surprise. I was just kind of sad that it didn't end up being the surprise it was supposed to be. So, I agree with pumpkin.

MiahT

I flew home late in my second tri to visit friends and family for two showers I knew about, had a great time, wrote my thank you notes and considered the baby showers over.  Eleven weeks later, I was getting ready for a regularly scheduled gathering to play board games and realized my DH was acting suspicious.  Rather than throwing on my usual 36-weeks-feeling-like-I've-been-pregnant-for-50-weeks-already comfy slob clothes and the bedroom slippers I'd been wearing in public for two weeks because my feet had swollen so badly I just didn't care anymore, I dug out a nicer shirt and my best pair of maternity shorts (summer in Georgia), shoved my feet into a pair of sandals and took the time to braid my hair "just in case".  So glad I did. Huge surprise shower in a public venue, lots of pictures and hugging.  If DH hadn't had such a crappy poker face, I would have shown up looking homeless and probably would have felt really uncomfortable for at least the first part of the surprise shower.  Did I love the shower?  Yes.  Would I have preferred to know about it in advance?  Oh heck, yes.

rhubarb123

I really detest surprise showers or birthday parties (unless they are not at someone's home).  I had a really BAD experience with a surprise birthday party my GF hosted.  We were supposed to be going to a Tupperware party (yep it was many years ago).  I wore shorts and a very comfy top (I was PG and just wanted to be comfortable...besides it was a "tupperware party" so no pictures...right?).  Well, when I got to her house I was biotching and moaning about some chocolate zuccini bread I made from a recipe my sister gave me and it didn't say whether to grease the pan, how long to bake it, etc.  I was saying how shiity it looked, etc. etc.  Well, finally she asked to to grab a bag off her diningroom table because she was taking it with her.  I went in and guess what?  SURPRISE...a room full of people and probably half of them were from my CHURCH!!!  My sister was also there.  I was sooooo embarrassed during the whole thing.  We actually left that church (although I was still friends with a couple of the people).  It was terrible and I don't ever want to experience that again!

Hopefully you can ask your mom to tell you if anything is up...or your DH.  I really feel for you.

chapternext

I totally understand. I HATE surprises and I HATE big parties. So combining the two is not a great outcome for me.  I had a surprise birthday party once and one of my wedding showers was a surprise, and I was really awkward at both. I'm an introvert so I feel like I have to mentally prepare myself for social situations. That said, I get that the hosts were coming from a good place and THOUGHT they were trying to do a nice thing. So I agree with past posters who have said to try to figure out who would throw you the shower and politely tell them that while you liked your past surprise parties, this kind of party is something you'd like to be more prepared for. Reminding them that you're pregnant and therefore you're not feeling 100% most of the time and need more time to physically/mentally prepare yourself for parties would probably be a good push in that direction.

mandy_marie

Thanks for the thoughts, everyone!  It's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels funny about a surprise.

I feel a little uncomfortable requesting to someone that a baby shower not be a surprise when I don't even know if anyone is planning one.  I don't want to look like I'm greedily expecting something.

Hopefully between my mom and husband, the message will be spread!  Plus, I'll try to be on high alert for any family gathering as my EDD gets closer!

Anne1989

I know there was a thread where the husband planned the baby shower but told his wife it was a dinner date so she looked nice for it.

 

mamajosephine

RoxyLynn:

I don't really understand this "surprise party shower" business in the northeast.nbsp; Could you just tell your Mom that if anyone is planning something you'd like to know about it?

Agree. We moved to the NE about 5 years ago, and I really don't get the whole surprise shower thing. Especially when you're about ready to have a baby! Just be honest. And nice.