Princess Aria Lynn Justice

ajustice25

On 1102013 I experienced something that has never happened to me before. My daughter has passed in the womb at 38 weeks 2 days. I had just heard her heartbeats at my 37 week checkup 7 days prior. Me and my husband arrived at the hospital to find out my water had broken.i ddnt know it was broke bc it wasn't a gush like I expected it to be..just a couple if tickles in my underwear on the way to the hospital. What made me go was the contractions which were 8 mins apart. I was admitted and taken to my room where I was so excited to be when I walked in and seen the little baby isolate where I thought to myself "my princess will be in there in a couple hours" I was given a gown to change in and I climbed in the bed so they cld put the monitors on my belly..I layef there while listening to the swoosh noises as my nurse drug the monitor across my belly but nothing. She told me dnt be alarmed,that my daughter was just moving around but I ddnt believe that bc I ddnt feel her moving. She then said she found a heartbeat at 158 bpm but then said she lost it. Then nurses came in with a ultrasound machine and my eyes instantly watered but they to me dnt worry just yet but I already knew what it was. That's what I saw my baby girl on the screen,laying there lifeless. My worst fears had come true and I ddnt believe it. The nurses then revealed that my baby had died and they were so sorry..I let out the biggest scream I cld with anger and tears..I called my mom who was on her way up to the hospital and told her the news.when my husband was finally able to come to the back we just held each other and cried. So of that day is a blur,I cried sooooo much but remember out family came together in our room. The nurses allowed abt 15 ppl in with us and we prayed that maybe it was a mistake and that she would come out kicking and screaming . My contractions were unbearable so I was given an epidural that had to be done 3 times bc the guy ddnt know what he was doing.i still had to deliver my daughter as normal. The hours leading up to me giving birth I had actually forgot she was gone.i had family there and we talked and my husband was cracking jokes but 9 hours after being admitted my epidural started to wear off and I felt the pressure and reality set in. Nurses came in and checked me,I was fully dilated.i pushes for 29 minutes before delivering a beautiful 6lb 15 oz 20in long baby girl..Jesus she was beautiful. They asked my husband if he wanted to cut the cord which he declined..it was too much for him. I begged for my daughter,begged god to wake me up bc this was a HORRIBLE dream..I asked the nurses for her..when I got her,I held her soooo tight and cried my eyes out..I opened her hands which had gripped around my finger and kissed her fingers..I kissed her lips and all over her face while my tears dropped on to her body. I cldnt believe she was gone. My husband held his first born daughter as he cried. All I cld do was apologize to him. He has a 6 yr old son from a previous relationship and we have a 2 yr old son together.all I kept thinking was I failed him.he has his boys but bc of me his first born daughter who he prepared for was gone


My mother gave her grand daughter her first and final bath.. We her and the nurse got done giving aria a bath,I asked for my baby back..she smelled sooooo good.like Johnson and Johnson.just like a newborn baby,her skin was so soft.she was dressed in a white knitted dress,booties and hat. The nurse took her after 15 minutes to gets her feet and hand prints as I had requested and we got a lock of hair of hers.when the nurse returned with her,she had a memory box which contained photos,hand and feet prints,her hair,the brush we had brushed her hair with and her white knitted outfit. She now was just wrapped in a blanket..

By this time we had spent 3 hours with her and her skin was starting to get cold.i knew this wld be the last time I saw her so I kissed and hugged her while crying my eyes out begging to god for her to get a gasped of breathe and come back to me.but nothing. Everyone said their goodbyes and I watches the nurse walk out with my baby girl...forever...I cried as I begged for the blanket she was wrapped in..when the nurse came back minutes later,she had the blanket but no baby..I was then moved to another room where I wld stay for 2 days..cldnt sleep,cldnt eat..me and my husband cried together..it's been 27 days since our baby girl left us,feels like yesterday..I cry everyday bc everything reminds me of her..a week after delivering I got the courage to pack her things up and save them for our future children. Hopefully god will bless us and we'll never have to visit this road..

It's crazy bc I was high risk when my son which I ddnt know I was and delivered him at 23 weeks.so when I found out I was preg with my daughter I was seen by high risk doctors,got ultrasounds every 2 weeks In the beginning of my 3rd trimester and came to get a progesture shot every week for 22 weeks..all of that for this to happen.my 4 week check up is tomorrow and we will be getting the autopsy results from my obgyn..I'm pretty sure it was probably her cord..

jess123456

I am so incredibly sorry the loss of your precious baby girl. While it saddens me to welcome anyone new here, please know that you have come to a place filled with understanding and supportive ladies who really understand. While all of our experiences are different, we all know the heartbreak of losing a child and we are always here for you. Please be gentle with yourself and know that you aren't alone. I really wish I could give you a huge hug in person.

ajustice25

Thank you so much..I ddnt even know about this forum. But I'm glad I found it.

jess123456

I am glad you found it too. It has really saved my life these past several months since I lost my baby girl. These ladies get it when it feels like the whole world doesn't.

Heatherhah

I am so sorry for the loss of you DD Aria. There really are no words to make you feel any better but I wanted to say I am so sorry and unforunately welcome to the board we have all been where you are and are here for you if and when you need us!!!

Hugs!!

Heather

jebretz

I am so so sorry for your loss. You have found a great forum full of great ladies who definitely get it. My thoughts are with you as you continue to grieve. (Hugs!!)

Noethola

So very sorry for your loss of Aria. Its true that no words will help, but I hope you feel less alone. Sometimes people get answers, but sometimes we dont (we never did.) Please know that we are here for you anytime you need to vent, cry, or anything.

lolee465

I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your sweet Aria. I'm glad you found this board, and I hope it will give you a little comfort to know that you're not alone. Be easy on yourself, take all the time you need to cry, and we'll be here for you anytime. ((hugs))

tuscanbride2007

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl, Aria. My heart breaks every time that I have to welcome a new loss mama on here. I hope you will be gentle on yourself as you heal. Please come here as often or as little as you need. We are all here for you.

((HUGS))

HullGut

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful little baby Aria Lynn. It just is not fair. I understand exactly how your feeling and I know it hurts so bad. It will ease up a little but it takes a while. Hang in there and post here when you need to. I will be thinking of you. 

Williamandshawnna

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Aria. I am sad to welcome you here, but know you will find some amazing support here. Please be gentle on yourself.

HUGS

-Shawnna

meli1025

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl, Aria.  I wish I didn't have to welcome you here but you have come to a great place for support.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  ((HUGS))

MAYashes86

I am so sorry that you lost your daughter Aria. You are not alone in this, and hopefully you can find some support here. We are all here for each other.

cmenasco

***** Ticker Warring******

 

 

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl.  My DH has 3 boys (one is our 2 yr old DS) and I had a lot of the same feelings you did when we lost our little girl.  I so wanted my husband to have a baby girl.  And to this day she will be our only little girl (this new little one is a boy).  I am sorry you have to be here and hope that you find the support that I did on this board.  These women are amazing and so supportive!!  Big hugs mama.

silverlining8d

Your story is so similar to mine. It brought me to tears, I'm so sorry anyone has to go through something like this. I gave birth to my son at 38 weeks, 6 days on the 23rd of January after hearing his heartbeat 5 days before. I went in because I had went into labor...contractions 5 min apart. I didn't get an epi and I wanted to deliver him asap so I had him 3 hours after getting to the hospital and I apologized to my SO over and over and he cried and told me it wasn't my fault. We do know that it was his cord because she had to cut it for me to even be able to push him all the way out, it was so tight around his neck. It still doesn't seem real. Idk how to find a new normal but it helps having support from family and people online.

Carolee

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. Reading your story brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sad you have to join us here, but welcome to the board.

Cranang

Your experience in the hospital sounds eerily similar to mine.  I have cold chills right now.  I am so sorry you have to be here, but please know that we do truly understand how you're feeling.