DS not wanting to go to school...

mrsseguin

I know every kid will go through this stage but I need some advise on what to do.  He is in Junior Kindergarten.  He was 3 in September when school started and turned 4 in november.  He is one of the youngest in the class.  He is in a french school.  He goes M-F 9-3:15.

My son is very quiet, shy and reserved...unless he's at home of course.  He listens well, and generally tries to please people.  HE has had a few issues with some 'rougher' boys in school.  He's pushed some of them and hit some of them and tell me these things have also happened to him from a certain 2 kids in school.  We went through a phase where he didn't want to go to school because of this, and we have worked most of these issues out.  Things seemed to have been fine in the past few weeks with no issues that have come up.

He just seems depressed...he tells me every morning that he doesn't want to go to school.  I try and did deeper and ask more questions..."Is there something going on", "Do you need to talk about something", "Why don't you want to go".  He tells me "I just don't like it", "I don't want to go", he can't really give me a specific reason when I try and find out if something is going on.He tells me he doesn't play with other kids outside and just walks around by himself.  He also tells me the other kids (mainly the boys he's had issues with) tell him they don't like him and he can't play with him.  I always encourage him to play with kids he likes and that are nice, to be kind to others etc.

Tonight when DH was putting him to bed, he was talking and saying he doesn't like his teacher because she makes him pick up his toys, he says he doesn't want to listen to her and she puts him in a time out.  I have no problem with his being disciplined at school, but I just wonder why he's acting like this.  

I have so many things running through my head.  Are the hours too long?, Is he having issues with the few boys again?, Is there nothing going on? Is it developmental just because he's young and he's having a hard time adjusting?  In my gut I know there's something going on, I just don't know how to support him and help him.  It's starting to make me feel depressed and so sad for him knowing he's having a hard time.  I'm going to see if I can meet with the teacher this week and talk about issues. 

If anyone has any advise, I'd appreciate it.  Even just some words of encouragement...Thanks.

bchippie

Absolutely bring it up with the teacher.  Just be careful to bring it up in a respectful way, I would guess the teacher isn't the problem, but who knows?

My daughter when in the 3-yr old preschool class did have some kids that told her she was a baby and couldn't play with them.  She is small for her age and tends to be shy (well not at home!).  I mentioned it to the teacher and the teacher was on top of it.  

Trust your gut.  You're his mom, and you now him better than the teacher.  Try to encourage the positive (like you have by encouraging him to play with the 'nice' kids), ask questions about what he did like at school.  Is it possible to switch classes?  Have a playdate with one or two kids that he does seem to get along with OK?   Hopefully it is just a rough spot and resolve on its own or when you talk to the teacher

shopgirl78

I echo talking to the teacher preferably in a conference.  Find out if he has friends & if there are repeated issues with the other boys. Discuss your concerns with her. Kids pick easy targets for bullying and his temperment may be working against him; beef up his self esteem as much as possible by encouraging friendships outside of preschool.  My first instinct was that it is a long time to be a in PreK3 program (ours was 8-11 M-F); however, my kids went to daycare right after that until 4-5 pm, most daycare kids do. But it might be a rough transition esp if he was used to staying at home prior. My son had a rough transition to PreK3 also (he was the "bad" kid though).  It has gotten better over time (knock on wood!!!)

echowysp2

We go through this with my ds.  He went from loving school, to whining that he doesn't want to go.  I know last year he had a very good buddy that isn't in his class this year and he claims he has no friends.

  I talked to the teacher about it and she was shocked because she says he's always happy while there.  She did note that he is shy with the kids and prefers to play by himself, but doens't do so unhappily.  He mentioned to me though that everyone has a friend, but him.   He often times complains that he wanted to do something with the kids, like during centers, but that "they don't let me".  Not sure what he means.

He's also going through a "I dont' want to go anyway" phase... church, his older brother's games, any extracurricular activities.  He wants to stay home.  I'm hoping it's just the winter and not being able to get out  as much.