Third Party Repro GTKY

liz4paws

Hi ladies - since we are a very new board, I'd love it if we got to know each other and could start to really build a sense of community among us. Here are a few questions to GTKY:

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family?

2 - How did your spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR?

3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect?

4 -  Where are you from? (If you don't mind sharing!)

melkel559

 Great idea!!!

 

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family?

We had a pretty complicated and unusual IVF cycle. Met with RE and talked about some things we'd do differently but with the MFI we have no guarantees that our fert rate would be any better. We could have explored the whole sperm DNA frag route but we are both honestly just tired of talking about and dealing with sperm. It was a very hard decision for both of us. We are completely OOP for everything and IVF #1 ended up costing us about $18,000 because of all the complications. Between not having the money, my age and the fact that we were ready for a baby like YESTERDAY, we think DIUI is our best chance at making that dream finally a reality. We are not counting IVF out for the future, we'll have some time to save, but we feel that at that time we won't feel as much pressure should we already have one child. We would probably split the egg fert with DH and the donor we are using for the IUI just to see if it makes a difference in embryo quality should we go that route.

2 - How did you spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR?

Mostly because of all the above, DH decided that ultimately we want a family and this is the best way to achieve that. It has been hard. He says he thinks he will feel reassured once I am pregnant. I  hope so! Our parents are the only other ones that know we are using a donor. They are totally supportive as I am adopted, my MIL was raised not by her bio father, and my FIL never even met his father. They all understand that blood ties aren't required to make a family.

3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect?

well not applicable yet! But one thing I can anticipate is being able to relate to our child in that I do not share blood with my parents.

4 -  Where are you from? (If you don't mind sharing!)

Suburbs of Philadelphia. I love the Northeast! Not so much the winter, but it makes me appreciate all of the other seasons

Looking forward to getting to know all of you lovely ladies! Thanks, Liz!

stinkerbell6879

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family?

I have no ovaries so DE was an automatic factor. 

2 - How did your spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR?

My close family/ friends new that this would be how I could expand our family, which was something my DH new from the beginning so no surprises. So everyone has been great, they don't necessarily get it but they are supportive.  

3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect?

Not yet:-)  

4 -  Where are you from? (If you don't mind sharing!)

I am a born and raised Cali girl :-)  

erink1981

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family? 

 

After receiving a balanced translocation diagnosis about 1 1/2 yrs ago we ade the decision to adopt. After being placed on our agencies waiting list for over a year with not many opportunities we decided to explore DE. 

 

2 - How did your spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR?

 

our families and DH have been super supportive!! 

  

3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect? 

Hmmmm, not yet but I'm hoping soon!!  

4 -  Where are you from? (If you don't mind sharing!)

we are from The great state of Kentucky. We lived in Ohio for a few years and I hated it (sorry buckeyes)!! All of our family is from KY and we live in a very close knit community so I think that's why it will always feel like "home". 

 

 

ETA: MrsT4-I agree, if I can take one rewarding aspect away from all this so far it would definitely be not passing on my crappy genetics.  

liz4paws

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family?

We have both DOR and severe MFI. We attempted IVF in 2011 with the most aggressive protocol that a panel of REs at my clinic had available for me. My RE even called it "The Kitchen Sink" protocol since she threw pretty much everything and the kitchen sink into the cycle, but I didn't respond in the slightest. In fact, my estrogen dropped and my lining actually hrunk even at 600iu of stims. IVF using my OE wasn't an option and we were completely OOP so we decided that we didn't want to risk the money along with our MFI issues in the mix.  That led us to embryo adoption. I put my feelers out there after deciding on this route and hit a lot of brick walls and we went through some extra painful times, but a donor family eventually found us and we received five embryos from them.

2 - How did your spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR?

It was very hard at first for DH. We both had to grieve the idea of ever having genetic children with one another, but I think it was a lot harder on him. He has become much more used to it now, but says he will feel much better once he has our baby(ies) in our arms at the finish line. I mentioned it to my mom before her passing in 2011 and she was incredibly supportive. In fact, I found a snowflake pendant necklace in her jewelry box as I was finding things to keep and I took it as a sign of her support from the other side. My dad has been very supportive as well and even cried with m when we received the word that the embryos would become ours. Not one person has had a negative thing to say to us, at least that I know of.

3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect?

Our relationship with the donor has been incredible and wonderful. I'm excited that our children will have more than one family to love them, and will have a 100% genetic brother in Virginia who is currently four years old.

4 -  Where are you from? (If you don't mind sharing!)

A suburb of Austin, TX.  We absolutely love Austin!

 

BabyVDM

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family?

I always new I wanted to have a family but also that I was not capable of raising children as as single mother.  Unfortunately it was a long wait until the right man made an appearance in my life.  I was 39 at the time we met.  Life threw another curve ball and a few months into our relationship I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer.  DH was just a guy I was dating at the time, but he soon became my caregiver and strongest supporter during treatments.  I was just 40 when I got my first BFP. We then had multiple repeat losses, the only explaination was my old crappy eggs.  So rather than wasting any more time trying naturally, IVF with OE was out considering the quality of my eggs.  We eventually came around and accepted DE as an alternative. Once we found our Donor, I knew it was the right decision.

2 - How did your spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR?

DH was ok with this option from the start.  He waited patiently for me to make the decision.  We both want a family, and I hope that I will be able to give him one with the help of our beautiful donor. 

3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect?

I struggled at first with the idea that I wouldn't be providing half our our child's genetic makeup.  Somehow the fact that our donor looks so enough like me to pass as a younger sister or cousin makes this a none issue. The bonus is, she is much cuter and prettier than I am, so I won't be passing on any of my faults.  lol

I am in our first cycle.  I hope to have even more rewarding experiences, but for now this is enough.

4 - Where are you from? (If you don't mind sharing!) 

The Great White North... slighty south of Alaska.

liz4paws

Can I just take a moment to tell you ladies how incredible, strong, and inspiring you all are? Wow....just......WOW. You amaze me.

MrsT4

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family?

Short version:  Another AMA, DOR lady with undect. AMH here.

Long version: Got married at 39 (AMA) and when we didn't have success within the 1st year, we sought treatment.  Did 3 IUI's at my 1st clinic and after 3 failures decided to go for a 2nd opinion...which was also fueled by a change in insurance.  The 2nd doc tested my AMH (never tested prior) and when it came back undetectible, he basically turned me away and told me my only hope was donor eggs.  So onto my 3rd opinion clinic, where I first found out about taking DHEA...anyway, I had 2 IVF's, both of which produced 2 good looking embryos each time, but unfortunately resulted in 2 BFN's.

Another insurance change prompted me to switch clinics again and that brought me to my current RE, where I've done some additional testing (clotting, insulin resistance, endo biopsy) and completed 1 OE IVF, followed by 3 IUI's (to save money b/c that was covered).  One year after my last OE IVF, I completed my first DE IVF, which resulted in 6 beautiful blasts...we transferred 2 on day 5 and that resulted in a chemical pregnancy (Nov. 2012).  Given that my twice proven donor did not result in a better outcome for me, I'm seeking further immune testing.  I hope to cycle again in the Spring.

2 - How did your spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR?  My husband has been very supportive...the only exception is the financial strain it has put on us, since regular IVF isn't covered by our insurance...let alone DE IVF.  But we both want a family and he's actually open to adoption, but I'm not there yet...so DE seemed like a good fit.

3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect?  When we have success, I'll have some peace of mind that my crappy genetic history won't be passed onto my child/children.

4 - Where are you from? (If you don't mind sharing!)  The Northeast.

ebdubbed

Wow - thank you all for sharing your incredible stories.  It's amazing how we all end up here but by such varying paths. 

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family? I met my husband at 38 and we were married when I was 39.  Because of my age and because I had chemo when I was 25, I had my OB test my FSH three months after the wedding.  It was 16 which didn't seem too bad to me but my OB sent me right to the RE.  He suggested DE but I asked him if there was a way to try OE.  He suggested estrogen priming protocol and said I could cycle in two months.  My FSH dropped to 8 before the cycle and against the odds, I got pregnant.  Sadly lost our baby boy at 20 weeks.  I got my period again within three weeks and we tried to cycle again a month after that.  Apparently, my ovaries forgot what to do and we cancelled.  Then we waited for me to ovulate (never a problem before) and we waited and waited.  On day 45 , I tested my FSH and it was 98.  A month later it was 130.  My doc has said that he's never seen FSH rise like that but whatever the reason, OE was off the table. 

2 - How did your spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR?  He was amazing.  We had been talking about DE since the first cycle as our fall back option so it wasn't a real surprise when it became a necessity.  We knew we were never going to retrieve enough eggs to have frosties so I think we were both thinking we would get one OE and one DE down the road.  I think he's sad that our child won't have my genetics but given my medical history (and my nose), I'm not so worried.  That and my donor looks like she could be my sister.

3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect?  Not yet but I assume seeing a child without my nose would be a nice reward.

4 -  Where are you from? (If you don't mind sharing!)  North of Florida, south of Maine, east of everyone.  

BeckyP005

liz4paws:

Can I just take a moment to tell you ladies how incredible, strong, and inspiring you all are? Wow....just......WOW. You amaze me.

This...I totally agree!

1 - My age and getting married again late in life. Having only one shot at having a baby we decided to go the DE route.

2 - MIL doesn't know. She already made the "your too old" comment before. My mom does but she was not supportive in the beginning but after a year she is finally coming around. She just wants her baby to be happy   Few friends know and these friends have known me since very young and know how I've always wanted to be a mom so they are rooting for me! You do have one out of the bunch that says they would never start at my age. Oh well.

MH on the other hand did not want any parts of this. DE he was fine with it was more the $ part and if it didn't work. After many months of heated arguments he said YES!! If this works he will make a great father.

3 - Hmm not yet.

4 - Pittsburgh PA

    

Strunella

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family?   I had to kiss a lot of frogs before I found DH at 37.  After one loss, we were blessed with DS.  But because our families are so small (DS will not even have any cousins), and because we are getting such a late start in parenthood, we really want DS to have a sibling.  After two more losses last year, we are emotionally drained and done with attempting to conceive with my eggs. 

2 - How did your spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR?  DH is totally on board with DE.  He is adopted and we've considered adoption.  It's just another way to build our family.  We do not plan on telling our families.

3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect?  Not applicable yet.

4 - Where are you from? (If you don't mind sharing!)   Jersey!

happywifemomofone

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family?  We TTC for one year after we got married, then consulted with a RE.  RE recommended moving straight to IVF.  We cycled with our OE in 2011.  Started 5 cycles, cancelled twice.  Never able to transfer more than 2-3 embries.  We had one chemical PG, and were worn out and exhausted when the year ended.  Our chemical was in Oct, and we had the highest hopes for our "Christmas Miracle" as luck usually is on my side.  It wasn't meant to be.  We spent about 6 months discussing our options and trying to decide if we could afford DE IVF.  Once we were able to figure the financials into a realistic plan, DE IVF was on the table for us.  Part of our plan involved changing back to an HMO to help pay for the IVF part, so we had to wait until 2013.  The wait has seemed like forever sometimes, and like only milliseconds in time at others.  DE was suggested to us in mid-2011, but we just were not yet willing to think about it or consider it yet......learned that people can tell you things, but you really will not hear the words until you are ready to do so. 2 - How did your spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR?  My husband took a lot of time to consider DE IVF.  He worried about our child not being genetically related to me, over time and much discussion we reached the common ground that genetic relation was nowhere near as important as having a successful outcome to all our TTC efforts.  We also knew early on that we want to children that are close in age, and we know that DE IVF gives us the best opportunity to reach that end outcome.  Our donor is 28yo, a proven donor and has 3 young children of her own.....which provides us with a lot of reassurance that this is a path that we can be excited about and hopeful for a positive outcome. 3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect? Only reward so far is a sense/feeling of relief that I will no longer be using my OE!! 4 -  Where are you from? (If you don't mind sharing!) Chicago Suburbs.

stinkerbell6879

liz4paws:

Can I just take a moment to tell you ladies how incredible, strong, and inspiring you all are? Wow....just......WOW. You amaze me.

Agreed! I have know what my struggle would be since I was 17yrs. Old and can't imagine dealing with all of the emotional/physical struggles that you ladies have survived. 

(((hugs)))  

Lacyj67

liz4paws:

Hi ladies - since we are a very new board, I'd love it if we got to know each other and could start to really build a sense of community among us. Here are a few questions to GTKY:

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family?

DX DOR and will give my OE a few more trys then DE if we can afford it.

2 - How did your spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR?

Still dealing... not sure about anything at the moment! DH seems fine with it. But its still his sperm so takes longer for me to deal i think.

3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect?

Hearing all the the ladies amazing sucess stories really warms my heart and if I can be so lucky to have a good outcome in the end of all this then it will all be rewarding

4 -  Where are you from? (If you don't mind sharing!)

Central California. San Luis Obispo    3 hours north of Los Angeles and 3 hours south of San Francisco

shellb1978

liz4paws:

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family? After 2 years of trying on our own, while saving up money, we found out DH has zero sperm, and there is nothing we can do to fix it.  After a long talk, and making sure that everything was ok with me, we made the decision to use donor sperm, since that was the only option to build our family.

2 - How did your spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR? DH struggled with it for about a week, until he became comfortable with the decision, the only other people who know in our family is DH's parents and my parents, we aren't telling anyone else, b/c we feel it's a personal decision for us.  Our parents were beyond supportive and excited for us.

3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect? we did the picture match through the bank we used, and DH matched to our top donor we picked, we are excited!

4 -  Where are you from? (If you don't mind sharing!) I am just a few minutes south of St. Louis, Missouri

Mama-Bear

liz4paws:

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family?  I'm a GS for another couple so we're not building our family.  I wanted to be pg but we have 3 children and don't want more.  I know my IP's chose this route because it would be unsafe for my IM to become pg, it could be fatal to the baby and possibly her.  Her doctor asked her once if she wanted to be pg or if she wanted to be a mom.

2 - How did your spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR?  I approached DH about it a few years prior and he was competely opposed to me carrying for someone else.  I asked him about it again when our twins were around 1 year and he was fully on board with it.  Most of our family is very supportive, but FIL and SIL aren't, I don't really care because it's not their decision.

3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect?  Nothing that I didn't expect, but I'm so happy for my IP's, they're expecting a baby boy this May (probably April).  Overall it's a different experience than I expected, but I wouldn't change it. 

ela81

1 - What brought you to the decision to use TPR to build your family?My dh "ran out" of sperm:)~ He has microdeletion of the Y chromosome. We were able to get enough sperm to for the IVF/ICSI that gave us our DD. When we went back for #2 we were not as lucky. After DH trying clomid and I don't remember how many SA we decided it was time to stop spending out limited funds and move onto DS. It took me a long time to come around to it. 

2 - How did your spouse/partner/extended family deal with making the decision to use TPR? DH is a just get it done kind of guy. So he was willing to do it long before I was. He was supportive waiting on me to come around. Our family has been very supportive and at 18 weeks the fact that we used DS doesn't even come up!

3 - Have there been any rewarding aspects of using TPR that you didn't expect? If I'm being honest, not really.

4 - Where are you from? (If you don't mind sharing!) Atlanta, GA

MrsT4

erink1981:

ETA: MrsT4-I agree, if I can take one rewarding aspect away from all this so far it would definitely be not passing on my crappy genetics.  

Hi Erin,

Re: the crappy genetics, I have to admit I didn't know what a balanced translocation was until I looked it up. May I ask which test was able to give you that information?  I've learned so much from others on these boards, so I really appreciate the insight. 

When I said my crappy genetics, I meant there is a lot of cancer, heart disease, kidney disease in my family history..plus I'm a carrier of SMA and both my husband and I had sibilings that were born with different genetic issues, which resulted in premature death.  So I've always known that having a healthy child is truly a miracle. 

erink1981

MrsT4-

I was dx with a balanced translocation after having 3 consecutive losses. They can test for it with a "karotype analysis".  Basically they look at all your chromosomes. My dr. really didn't think this was an issue since I had a healthy DD, but tested for it anyways. It was quite a surprise when we got the results. My translocation is balanced meaning all my genetic makeup is there, it's just structured differently. My 13th and 14th chromosomal "arms" are connected. So a small percentage of my eggs are "normal", some carry the translocation, and lots are chromosomally abnormal. We don't know if our daughter is totally normal or "balanced" like I am. We will have them run the test whenever they order bloodwork on her for the first time. 

I also have an auto-immune disorder, "ulcerative colitis" which is well controlled with meds right now. It can be hereditary, and definitely not something I want to pass on. 

So using a DE is a no brainer for me. if you have any other questions, just ask!!  

MrsT4

erink1981:

MrsT4-

I was dx with a balanced translocation after having 3 consecutive losses. They can test for it with a "karotype analysis".  

Erin, thanks for your reply.  First and foremost, I wanted to say how very sorry I am to hear about your 3 losses....(((BIG HUGS))).  I can only imagine how hard it's been for you, but also realize that DE has provided you with renewed hope.  Wishing you the best of luck in your upcoming cycle!

I'm 99.9% sure that the Karotype analysis is part of the Immune panel I'm having run, so at least I'm covered there...so thanks again for the additional info.

This is a little bit of a rant, but I wanted to say that I'm upset that often many of us can't get tested for things, until having more than one loss...and sometimes even then, doctors are unwilling to persue additional tests.  I realize costs are often a deciding factor and insurance (or lack of - meaning insurance may not cover the additional testing, just like for many of us it doesn't cover IVF) plays a big role in this too...but it really sucks that so many of our decisions are based on financial reasons and is often the reason for stopping treatments, before being emotionally ready to stop.

Firefly062

1. After a year of trying on our own and 6ish months of testings and biopsy we found out that DH has Sertoli-only Syndrome, a genetic mutation that causes his body to not produce the type of cells needed to make sperm. So there was really no choice but to move onto DS. We decided that 50% of us as a couple reflected in our children was the next best thing to 100% of us as a couple.

2. It wasn't as big of an issue for him as I thought it would be. We're both deeply sad that our children won't have his awesome qualities, but we're hoping that some of them rub off anyway )   We told my mom and gave her Helping the Stork to read and she's been incredibly supportive. We told DH's parents and thought they got it until his mother said at the end of the night "So, do they think this is something that will get better?" so now we don't know....

3. I guess it's probably made us stronger as a couple. We've gone through more than most of our friends to get pregnant and we appreciate it so much. 

4. MA