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Blended Families
SimpleJane
member
Did YH ever cheat?
SimpleJane
member
In a previous relationship? Does it affect your trust of him in your current relationship?
J cheated on his ExW. He was upfront about this to me from the beginning. Not that there is ever a good reason to cheat, but he had been with her since he was 18, she was the only woman he had ever been with, he was getting deployed and decided to marry her because "he figured he would eventually anyway". He left for a year and when he moved home and they started to live together things deteriorated quickly. They had many big differences. He met a woman at work and said she had all of the common interests he was lacking with his wife. They became friends and he eventually cheated, only after that did he move out and file for divorce.
It honestly surprises me more and more the longer we are together. He is such a devoted man to me and the kids. I can't even picture him trying to be sneaky. He's very honest about everything and I can't think of one white lie I've ever caught him in.
I don't think he would ever cheat on me. Any time he has spoken about his past mistakes he says how hurtful and stupid it was. It doesn't have an effect on my trust for him.
The reason I ask is because my mom kind of asked me about his divorce the other day and I quickly changed the subject. The few friends I have told about it had the "Ohhh, that's awful. Aren't you afraid he will do that to you?" Response
J cheated on his ExW. He was upfront about this to me from the beginning. Not that there is ever a good reason to cheat, but he had been with her since he was 18, she was the only woman he had ever been with, he was getting deployed and decided to marry her because "he figured he would eventually anyway". He left for a year and when he moved home and they started to live together things deteriorated quickly. They had many big differences. He met a woman at work and said she had all of the common interests he was lacking with his wife. They became friends and he eventually cheated, only after that did he move out and file for divorce.
It honestly surprises me more and more the longer we are together. He is such a devoted man to me and the kids. I can't even picture him trying to be sneaky. He's very honest about everything and I can't think of one white lie I've ever caught him in.
I don't think he would ever cheat on me. Any time he has spoken about his past mistakes he says how hurtful and stupid it was. It doesn't have an effect on my trust for him.
The reason I ask is because my mom kind of asked me about his divorce the other day and I quickly changed the subject. The few friends I have told about it had the "Ohhh, that's awful. Aren't you afraid he will do that to you?" Response
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Did YH ever cheat?
MH is about as social as a mad wet cat. So he doesn't have a long or extensive dating history. He never cheated on anyone, though.
For you, Jane, I think I would want to know if he understands why he did it. If he shrugs his shoulders and says things were bad at home, that's not good enough. If he takes responsibility for it, knows why he acted inappropriately, and has dealt with it within himself, maybe that's enough?
H never cheated on me. However, I have unfortunately had a great deal of experience with an ex-fiance cheating on me and it hit home with me then that I have a very good 6th sense when it comes to this.
I tried to get over it and forgive him. Even went to counseling. I couldn't get past it, plus I did not believe that he was done cheating. So moved on.
I think there is a small minority of marriages that can survive an infidelity, but I think it requires people who at the core are good people who have accepted they have failed, see the hurt they caused people in their lives and be willing to fix it.
I have also known a couple of guy friends who were whore hounds when they were young, and then when they met the right girl, at the right age, they fell madly in love, ceased all extra curricular activity and they really did a 180 and ended their playboy games. Then again, I know a lot of guys who didn't grow out of it and subsequently hurt a lot of women, wives, and girlfriends.
So I know it's possible - but I think it's rare.
And yes, if I knew my husband cheated before on someone else, I would fear he would cheat on me. But I'm built that way - some women are probably more secure or find it easier to give a guy they believe in a chance. I can't.
Yes. H was well to put it nicely kind of a dog. He cheated on BM 2 with more than one woman. I'm not sure why they even had a baby. He dated her on and off for years but was never with her or anyone longer than a year. I know this won't be popular here and I'm not proud but I actually started seeing him while they still lived together. They were broken up and he moved out within the month but still.
This year will be our sixth year. I don't think he has cheated on me and I don't think he will. I don't believe I changed him I just think I got him right when he was ready to grow up. I trust him and I will until he gives me reason not too.
ETA: I say I trust him and I do but I will also not sit by and be stupid. I know what to watch out for.
My fiance cheated once on an old girlfriend with a girl whom he dated on and off for basically all of middle and high school. When he cheated hetried to play it off by breaking up with his girlfriend but he felt pretty bad and he told her the day after. I understand why he cheated and I feel he learned from his past mistake. He was young and things happen, you learn and move on.
For me I trust him very much. He's never given me any reason to not trust him.
All of the bold. DH wasn't still living with BM when we met, but they were still married, although had been separated, living apart, and both seeing other people for 2 years prior to my meeting him. He cheated on her with multiple people, and she knew that he did. He also cheated on previous girlfriends. He was in the navy and said he did what he wanted when he wanted to, and was really only with BM because she was the one constant who always wrote back and who was always around when he came home. His past is his past. I don't think I changed him, but I think that our meeting was timed when he was ready to grow up and have a stable life. We have told each other multiple times that had we met sooner, we wouldn't have been together, because I don't put up with BS and he wasn't ready. Now, I work three nights a week, and he doesn't even go out with friends when I am not there (although I have encouraged him to), and when I call, he is usually cleaning house or playing video games (and I can hear my dogs in the background). When we aren't working, we are pretty inseperable. He knows that if he were to cheat on me, that I wouldn't be sticking around for explanations. Once my trust is broken, no matter how much I want to forget, I won't, and you can't have a healthy relationship without trust. He is a big flirt, but he also makes it clear he is in a committed relationship and I have no reason to suspect anything. Although as pp stated, I am not stupid, I do keep my eyes open.
They actually never should have pretended to be in a relationship. After their 3ish years together off and on Dh still couldn't tell you her favorite restaurant or any hobbies she liked other than drugs. They never went on a date or celebrated an anniversary bc they were so hot and cold all the time.
It's actually all very pathetic. They were both awful people when SS was born. She is still but whatever
I also was in some terrible relationships at 20 but I'm not even remotely the same person I was at 20 than I am now at almost 30. Night and day and Dh is the same. He's even more a home body than I am these days and just all about SS and DS
Same here. I was screwed over by my first "real" boyfriend and after that I cheated on every boyfriend I had from there on out. My H is the only peron I've been 100% faithful to.
No. But that did not stop BM from calling one of his clients at work and accusing them of sexual harassment. Several times. Any woman who was a client was a target for BM, and she called his HR, client HR and women directly.
DH has said several times "If I never cheated on her why on earth would I cheat on you?" (shotgun wedding, and she's truly crazy) I trust him. If he had cheated previously I would not trust him.
My H had two serious relationships before me and never cheated. But I've been cheated on by almost every man I've ever been with, to the point that I seriously question sometimes if a man can be faithful to me, or if I'm broken somehow.
But we've been married almost 3 years and together for over 5. I don't think he's ever cheated on me and I'm cautiously optimistic that he won't. But my experience has taught me to keep my guard up. No reflection on my H, just the feeling that something must be wrong with me.
DH cheated on everyone he ever dated, except me
I have cheated on everyone I ever dated, including DH
This time round, we have been together 6 years and we have not cheated. Now that we are grown and serious and married etc it would never even enter my mind.
I have never cheated while married!
Our pasts are our pasts and we both know they story. We first got together 20 years ago so we can hardly be held accountable for what we did as kids.
DH cheated on his ex (they were on a break!) with BM one night - and the rest is history!
Ironically this past weekend DH dreamed that I cheated on him. He told me jokingly on Sunday morning that he was feeling angry with me. We talked about it and he made me promise it would never happen so I guess it obviously still bothers him a little.
I agree with this.
I believe DH and I fall into the uncommon category because we both gave up drinking and are completely sober. Also we are both in group counselling for almost three years now. We have both done individual counselling over the past few years and we have worked really hard to get to where we are.
If we had not done all of that, and faced our demons so to speak, I believe that we both would have fvcked it up by now, just like we did in the past.
DH didn't cheat on BM. He had one (significant) opportunity to cheat - He was working out of town. All the co-workers went out for drinks....yada yada yada. In the end, he chose to remain faithful to his vows. He was very unhappy in his marriage by that point (and so was she).
However, a few months ago, he mentioned that during their marriage, he and BM and her best friend "fooled around"... I know they did not have sex, but told him that I didn't want any more details about it. I do feel that is being unfaithful. I can see where DH, as a 22 yr old, wouldn't see that as "wrong". I do feel that he's in a different place now. I can see why you would trust your DH, especially when he's been forthcoming about his past indiscretions.
BM and DH divorced because of HER indiscretions. Out of consideration for his daughter, he's been pretty vague with everyone but me. Personally, I respect that and for that reason, I've been just a vague. Depending on who's asking, I'll say the vague cliches like. "They were just too different." or "They grew apart." With some pesky askers, I've said, "He just knew she wasn't his soul mate! I'm lucky they split because that led him to me!"
With your mom, if you're not comfortable, it is ok to tell her it's not her business. "That's in the past. We don't like to talk about it. I know all about it and I'm ok with it." is all she really needs to know.