Day after D&E

Helmet3311 · February 2013

The day after a D&E is strange. When we got the terrible prenatal diagnosis of hydranencephaly on Thursday, the only thing I could focus on was getting through yesterday's procedure. After the procedure, I felt really good. I was riding the wave of "the worst part is over". I even started today feeling strong...but now if i catch a glimpse of my belly in the mirror, or do the stupid thing and weigh myself (out of habit...i was doing it every morning)....I realize..yesterday I was pregnant and today I'm not. I know it just takes time...but it's a hard concept to grasp.

jess123456 · February 2013

Hugs to you. This is a very long and often dark road. Be gentle with yourself. For me those first few weeks and months were very difficult and looking back I wasn't sure how I was going to make it. Emotions would come from no where. I used to think that there was a typical pattern as to how people are supposed to grieve and the truth is that everyone grieves differently. At the beginning I suffered with anger, anxiety, sadness, frustration, and now bitterness. Sometimes the emotions would come all together, sometimes not at all and sometimes one at a time. Like you, it was a hard reality when I realized that I was no longer pregnant. I felt the urge to put away all of my maternity clothes and wear my regular clothes because it was too upsetting to wear them without being pregnant even though my regular clothes barely fit.

Now five months later, I can tell you that I have gotten to the point where I am learning to live with my new normal. I will never be the same and I think of my daughter every single day but it gets more manageable. If you are open to meeting with a therapist I highly recommend it. I was afraid of telling a complete stranger how I felt but she was so helpful to me. Also, like you I had a terminal diagnosis so I found writing letters to my daughter to explain to her what happened to be therapeutic. Meditation also has been a helpful part of my healing. There are a few message boards on Baby Center that I have found that deal specifically with those who have dealt with terminal diagnosis as well.

Please know that you aren't alone. Your loss is still so new and raw.

bunnybun4 · February 2013

so, so sorry you are in the middle of this.

I remember the day of my d&e I did so "well" and then the next day I was a mess of emotions. I think we go into survivor mode for the procedure and making all of those awful decisions and then when it is over the emotions flood back in.

I remember those first few days after being sooooo angry and just so lost and devastated...i didn't know how I would do anything again.

2 months out, I am still so sad and have my good days and bad ones but I have definitely come a long way. DH and I can have happy conversations about our little girl now and I do have peace and comfort as well as hope.

Just be patient with yourself and know that grief is like a rollercoaster. and the shock will last a long time. I still have moments where I have to remind myself that it did happen and I am not pregant anymore. Just know that things slowwwwwly get better...and though you never get over it you do start to move on with life and find a new normal. So many hugs to you!!!

karebear57 · February 2013

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little baby. We are here for you whenever you need us. This board of fellow moms has been wonderfully helpful. ((Hugs))