NBFR: is "thank you" really that hard?

lily_721

I sent a package to my SIL last week for her kids.  Not a word from her.  I had to check UPS tracking, it was delivered.  10 days after delivery, I texted her.  "oh yeah, we got it.  We have just been so busy to call." 

This is not an isolated occurrence.  This always happens.  It is the most frustrating.  I always have to follow-up regarding the delivery of gifts. 

SimpleJane

Life gets busy. She should have given you a call, but if for whatever reason she didn't or couldn't I don't think its a big deal.

karatechrissy

SimpleJane:

Life gets busy. She should have given you a call, but if for whatever reason she didn't or couldn't I don't think its a big deal.

REALLY?? I think that's SO rude. SO SO SO rude. Just because it's your sister doesn't mean you don't have to say thank you. What is it with society today and their flippant attitude towards gifts? She didn't HAVE to send ANYTHING at all. Her sister should be grateful that she was thoughtful enough to take time out of HER busy schedule, buy gifts, and get to the post office to send them.

I made my 2 yr old color a thank you card for each person who got her a gift for her birthday, and I wrote a nice personal message inside and sent them. It's just polite. People don't have to do sh*t for you, but it makes them WANT to do nice things for you when you acknowledge the effort they put into things. I think your sister is rude for not at least calling. Take 2 minutes out of your day and say 'hey sis, I don't have much time but I wanted to say thank you so much! You are wonderful and the kids love X Y & Z that you sent. I'll call you in a couple weeks so we can chat more. Have a great day!'. That's all it takes.

My sister did the same to me after I gave her almost everything she would need for her son when he was born. They had nothing except a stroller purchased for them and some clothes. She never even said thank you. I feel ya. 

Ilumine

SimpleJane:

Life gets busy. She should have given you a call, but if for whatever reason she didn't or couldn't I don't think its a big deal.

So I take it, you dont take the time out of your day to thank people for taking time out of their days and money out of their wallets?

That's sad. 

Yes, at the very least one should ALWAYS call and thank someone for a mailed gift, but a written note (i can even get into a quick email, though I think that is lazy) is the appropriate response.

And since the OP stated that this is not the first time this has happened, it becomes an even bigger deal.

I personally no longer send gifts to friends and family (I cut the kids off at 10) who do not provide a thank you note/email for the third time - that gets through two christamas and a birthday or two birthdays and a christmas. 

This is how my family has done it.  And guess what, my SS was very cognizant about not getting his christmas present two christmas' ago. That was after NOT sending out thank you cards for the previous christmas and birthday. 

He commented on it and I was very clear about why.  He moaned somemore (you know because at the age of 14 he just didnt know how to write thank you cards). 

I told him that maybe if he wrote a thank you/apology card to my mother and grandmother, he might get something the next go around.  He didnt.  And he complained again the next christmas when SD and DD got something for both Christmas and birthdays. 

Guess who wrote an apology?  Guess who got a present this year?  Guess who got his thank you cards out to EVERYONE this year (it might have been because we told him he was getting close to aging out of presents from both sides of the family and it would behoove him to kiss some ass).

Its both mannerly and righteous to do so.  My DD writes thank you cards for everythign to everyone.

MarSamWhitney

I would be irritated too. People are rude!!!! I have written out ty cards for my DD's first and second birthdays, and sometimes include a pic of her with what they got her or noted I put the money into her college account. I let her draw on the back of the card. When she is old enough, we will do it together. Its just the right thing to do.  With all the junk mail and bills, who doesn't appreciate a nice thank you card in the mail!?

lily_721

Usually the boys would have aged out of most gifts but the givers have told us how much the appreciate their thank you cards. 

I'm so tired of giving gits to people who can't be bothered with any acknowledgement.

SimpleJane

Ilumine:

SimpleJane:

Life gets busy. She should have given you a call, but if for whatever reason she didn't or couldn't I don't think its a big deal.

So I take it, you dont take the time out of your day to thank people for taking time out of their days and money out of their wallets?

That's sad. 

Yes, at the very least one should ALWAYS call and thank someone for a mailed gift, but a written note (i can even get into a quick email, though I think that is lazy) is the appropriate response.

And since the OP stated that this is not the first time this has happened, it becomes an even bigger deal.

I personally no longer send gifts to friends and family (I cut the kids off at 10) who do not provide a thank you note/email for the third time - that gets through two christamas and a birthday or two birthdays and a christmas. 

This is how my family has done it.  And guess what, my SS was very cognizant about not getting his christmas present two christmas' ago. That was after NOT sending out thank you cards for the previous christmas and birthday. 

He commented on it and I was very clear about why.  He moaned somemore (you know because at the age of 14 he just didnt know how to write thank you cards). 

I told him that maybe if he wrote a thank you/apology card to my mother and grandmother, he might get something the next go around.  He didnt.  And he complained again the next christmas when SD and DD got something for both Christmas and birthdays. 

Guess who wrote an apology?  Guess who got a present this year?  Guess who got his thank you cards out to EVERYONE this year (it might have been because we told him he was getting close to aging out of presents from both sides of the family and it would behoove him to kiss some ass).

Its both mannerly and righteous to do so.  My DD writes thank you cards for everythign to everyone.

I don't recieve many gifts through mail, or send many. We give and recieve birthday and Christmas presents at our family celebrations. We say thank you personally for the gifts then. If I do get a gift for the kids or myself by mail, I always call and thank the sender, but I almost never send a card. Maybe its a regional thing? I have only ever recieved a thank you card for a wedding or baby shower gift. Otherwise my parents, siblings, grandparents, ect., always just say thank you to my face when I give them the gift or call if I sent it to them. If they get busy and don't call right away, they say thanks next time I talk to them.

Ilumine

SimpleJane:

Ilumine:

SimpleJane:

Life gets busy. She should have given you a call, but if for whatever reason she didn't or couldn't I don't think its a big deal.

So I take it, you dont take the time out of your day to thank people for taking time out of their days and money out of their wallets?

That's sad. 

Yes, at the very least one should ALWAYS call and thank someone for a mailed gift, but a written note (i can even get into a quick email, though I think that is lazy) is the appropriate response.

And since the OP stated that this is not the first time this has happened, it becomes an even bigger deal.

I personally no longer send gifts to friends and family (I cut the kids off at 10) who do not provide a thank you note/email for the third time - that gets through two christamas and a birthday or two birthdays and a christmas. 

This is how my family has done it.  And guess what, my SS was very cognizant about not getting his christmas present two christmas' ago. That was after NOT sending out thank you cards for the previous christmas and birthday. 

He commented on it and I was very clear about why.  He moaned somemore (you know because at the age of 14 he just didnt know how to write thank you cards). 

I told him that maybe if he wrote a thank you/apology card to my mother and grandmother, he might get something the next go around.  He didnt.  And he complained again the next christmas when SD and DD got something for both Christmas and birthdays. 

Guess who wrote an apology?  Guess who got a present this year?  Guess who got his thank you cards out to EVERYONE this year (it might have been because we told him he was getting close to aging out of presents from both sides of the family and it would behoove him to kiss some ass).

Its both mannerly and righteous to do so.  My DD writes thank you cards for everythign to everyone.

I don't recieve many gifts through mail, or send many. We give and recieve birthday and Christmas presents at our family celebrations. We say thank you personally for the gifts then. If I do get a gift for the kids or myself by mail, I always call and thank the sender, but I almost never send a card. Maybe its a regional thing? I have only ever recieved a thank you card for a wedding or baby shower gift. Otherwise my parents, siblings, grandparents, ect., always just say thank you to my face when I give them the gift or call if I sent it to them. If they get busy and don't call right away, they say thanks next time I talk to them.

Thanking people formally for spending their time and money is not regional it is mannerly. 

There is a reason for manners or etiquette - ie societal norms.  When you have a set standard of expectations, it makes interactions "easier". We all know the basics, therefore if we exceed the basics, the other person knows your higher reguard and if you provide less than the basics, you are either showing you lack of reguard or you ignorance (back in the day, that meant class).

While the standards HAVE been deteriorating over the last 20 years (especially with the advent of the internet), that does not mean that we SHOULD allow the lazy, no matter who the other person is.

Because if you don't teach/train your children to do these mannerly things at home (ie its just my family and friends) then they will not automatically do them for outsiders. I mean, why should they write a thank you card to Granny for their wedding gift if they dont have to for birthday gifts? What's the big deal? THey said thank you in the midst of the shower right?   And for that matter, I said thank you to my co-workers who came too.

This didnt mean to be a lecture AT you.  This is the very conversation I had with my SS when he got cranky the first time my family did not send him a gift because he could not be bothered to write a thank you card. And this is what I will tell my own DD when she balks at it (which she will when decorating thank you cards is no longer fun).