sort of f/u to religious post

benniferbaby

We are not religious, although we both believe in God. Neither of us grew up in a household where we attended church regularly, not even on holidays. My family is Coptic Christian (Egyptian branch of the eastern Orthodox church) and DH is Catholic. I did a little more "searching" in my teens and 20s but I'm comfortable with my sort of "laissez faire" approach to organized religion. When I feel I need a dose of church, I attend Catholic services because I feel it is the closest to Coptic, but I never take communion.

Problem - we both want to baptize LO. Knowing this, we kept saying that we would start going to church while I was pregnant, but we never did, and now with the baby, the idea of getting us all bathed and dressed and out of the house by 10am on a Sunday is unthinkable. We agree on baptizing him Catholic, but the ugly part of the Catholic church is the greedy bit. I know of churches that keep track of your donations (and attendance!) with envelopes. If we are not churchgoers, how do we organize this event? Do we just pay them for the one-time service?

So weird.

BrideBuddies

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you need to do a little hard thinking and research about Baptism before you jump in.  And I may get a little preachy here... so I apologize in advance.

Baptism is not just a "one-time service."  It's a lifetime commitment to raise your child in the faith (in this case, Catholicism.)  If you're not prepared to do that, then you might not want to take it to this level.  

Kinda the same as a couple who insist on being married in a church but have no intention of actually attending any church or embracing the religion of choice.  It's all for show and not for the right reasons.   A church is more than just a venue for your party.   Heck, I guess you can say that about religion/church in general.. it's deeper than just a once-in-a-while thing when it's convenient.  It's a commitment.

The Catholic church has pretty strict guidelines for who can be a sponsor/godparent, too.  I believe at least one person has to be a Catholic "in good standing".  Which means he/she must actually attend church, etc.  Plus, you and your spouse, and the sponsors, must take a couple of classes.  This is more than just calling up the church to schedule your big day.

You do have other options for Baptism.  I recall something about "anyone" can baptise a child, especially in cases where the newborn is ill and may not survive, etc.   You can probably talk to a priest/pastor/minister/religious leader more on that.  

FYI-I'm not Catholic but I'm married to a very devout Catholic and we belong to our church and attend every week  (7:45am Mass--it's not that hard!).    And FYI.. every church is greedy,  that's how they do their business, so don't let that color your opinions.   You're not obligated to provide them with anything if you dont' want to.  (personal info, money, etc)

I wholeheartedly support your ideas of baptism for your LO.  Just make sure you're doing it for the right reasons and just like anything, do your homework on it!   In the end, it will be a much more rewarding experience for you all.

 

LadyXaverian

BrideBuddies:

Baptism is not just a "one-time service."  It's a lifetime commitment to raise your child in the faith (in this case, Catholicism.)  If you're not prepared to do that, then you might not want to take it to this level.  

Absolutely.

BrideBuddies

hijoi:

On the other hand, my son was baptized in the Catholic Church. We made an appointment to speak with the Father at the church DH's dad went not DH, but the priest knew him. They never asked if his godparents were catholic. One is, one is not. They just had to promise that they would help raise him in the spirit of God. We do not attend church regularly. In fact, it's been well over a year since we've been. Also, I am not a Catholic, and that made no difference to the church either.

Wow.. that's pretty surprising considering how "serious" they take these kinds of things!  I know around here there's no way to get out of taking the class... no class, no baptism.... period. 

Same with weddings.. .you have to have a 1 year preparation course before you can get married in the church.  And they're pretty strict about that.  (Used to be 6 months when we got married)

When DH and I got married, our priest was cool with us being Catholic and Lutheran and wanting a Full Mass at the ceremony.  But he did have to go to the Archbishop and get it approved so I could take communion.

I guess it's true every Diocese is different.. so just ask!

 

KateLouise

DH and I sound very similar to you and your husband in our background and approach to religion.

We had both our girls baptised in the Catholic church. 

We haven't attended mass since DD1 was born because between newborns, nap times, DH being away, DH studying it just hasn't happened. I feel a bit bad, but I don't feel like I'm not committed to the religious upbringing of my children.

I just now feel able to recommit to attending regular mass. I doubt very much that God is angry at me, and if the priest is angry at me well, I actually think God is more important. My experience with Catholic priests is that they are very understanding and "real" people and that whilst they take the expectations of attending mass seriously, they're not unrealistic.

As to the money thing, most churches I have been to have envelopes, but equally people throw loose money in the donation basket as it passes. In my church the envelope is divided you can decide how much to donate to charity work and how much to donate to the priest and his upkeep.

I agree that it is a commitment, so if you're not willing to make the commitment longterm then maybe evaluate why this baptism matters to you. If it's just that life is a challenge right now, and you haven't found the right church for you then keep looking because I'm sure you'll find one that fits.

I would also try and stop worrying about what the church thinks of YOU. Yes be the best person and best member of the parish you can be, but if your actions are driven by guilt or obligation then you won't get any real peace or joy out of it. 

EDIT: and for godparents we only had to have one catholic godparent and then we could have anyone else we wanted.

The class for us was a guy coming to our house and watching a DVD and talking through some stuff together. He was great. It was very relaxed. He totally understood and planned his time around our 1 week old baby. Didn't care about our 2 yr old bouncing in and out of the room, or about me nursing baby. 

mwd

I appreciate that you want to baptize DS.  Look for a church (does it have to be catholic?) That fits your family.  Btw, a church up the road from me has a 7pm mass on sundays , y'know,  so you can go after the packer game ;-). 

BrideBuddies

mwd:

I appreciate that you want to baptize DS.  Look for a church (does it have to be catholic?) That fits your family.  Btw, a church up the road from me has a 7pm mass on sundays , y'know,  so you can go after the packer game ;-). 

Ha!  We refer to that as "Last Chance Mass." 

 

benniferbaby

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and advice. The main reason we want to baptize him is that we're both baptized and we would feel strange to not carry it forward for him. Neither of us has any aversion to regular church services, it's just never something that we thought to make a commitment to before now.

As it happens, both godparents are Catholic, but only one is likely "in good standing" ... I guess we will have to poke around the churches here and decide what's best for us all.

Great advice, ladies!

Scramblersmom

I was told that there are some religions that will baptize a baby even if the parents are not members there. I want to say that the Episcopal church will do this but I am not certain.

We are in the same boat with DS. DH wants to start going to church but he is the one that I am always yelling at to get up M-F so I am not going to do it Sunday too. I told him that if he wants DS baptized then he needs to take the family initiative to start going to church because I refuse to be responsible for that on top of everything else. I am not really religious either but I am willing to go with the flow. I am at the point where I really do not care where DS gets baptized. DH cares about it a lot but hasn't taken the initiative to do anything. 

I also agree that trying to get everyone up, out of the house and to church early on a Sunday morning is difficult. I did find some evening services but DH still hasn't taken the initiative on going to those either so that is where we are right now.

lovebug33

Churches aren't greedy. They have to collect money in donations or they won't be able to operate. I am sure this is going to make people unhappy, but I get bothered by people who baptize their child and then don't bring them back until their first communion. I feel like if you are going to baptize your child, you should raise your child in the faith. That may not mean weekly church going, but it should be done with some regularity. That said, in our church, you are not going to get your child baptized until you attend a newcomers meeting, a baptism meeting, and six months of attending church. You have to put something in the donation envelope. It may not be money, but they want to make sure you are coming for at least those six months. Now, in our case, we didn't have to do any of that because we have been going to the same church for 34 years in my case and 22 in my DH's case.