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Single Parents
Single by Choice?
Anyone a single parent by choice? I am starting to save up for using artificial insemination. I am planning on waiting till I finish nursing school plus an additional two years to get a full-time job, qualifying for insurance, and qualifying for FMLA leave. So it'll be about three to four years.
So did anyone decide to become a single parent by themselves? It seems like a lot of people who decide to become single parents are usually ten years older than what I will be when I start trying to conceive.
What challenges did you guys face when you told people you would be a single mother? What are the greatest challenges? I imagine the greatest difficulty is trying to balance work and childcare. I plan on working nights so I'd hopefully would be able to find a sitter to watch the child. Plus I'd only have one income.
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Re: Single by Choice?
I chose to file for divorce, so I'd consider myself "Single by Choice" but obviously not in the way you mean.
Just curious, at 23, why are you considering IUI with donor sperm? (I'm assuming the 1989 in your screen name is the year you were born.) So much could happen in the four years that you mention waiting to do this... Do you just not want to be in a relationship? Do you have a medical condition that makes you feel like you need to be pregnant sooner rather than later?
I'm not judging, I'm just curious! As you mentioned, all of the women I know who have decided to become single mothers have been nearing 40 years old and they knew that fertility-wise, they were running out of time.
I can say, as a single mom to 2u2, it's tough!! I hope you have wonderful family and friends nearby to support you!!
One of the girls on the baby shower board has a blog:
https://thebabycircus.blogspot.com/
I am a single parent by choice. I am a lurker on this board. Since I am single by choice and there are no custody, CS, or visitation issues; most everything posted here is not applicable to me. However, I occasionally find a post that really speaks to me. I adopted my two beautiful boys when I was 29. If you are born in 1989, then you are a little younger than I was when I became a parent.
Being a single parent by choice is easily the hardest and yet most rewarding thing that I have done. I actually did not plan on it, though I always knew that I wanted children and ?mister right? had not come around. I was also adopted and so I also knew that I wanted to adopt sometime in my life. I have never regretted my decision.
That being said, it is HARD. You really need to factor in a few things such as expenses (kids are expensive). As a single parent by choice, there is no CS or other people helping you financially. (Not that all those who should receive CS actually get it.) As many of the people on this board can tell you, children are just as expensive when they are older as when they are infants. The other thing to consider is time. I work a wonderful job where I only work when the children are in school. I am blessed that this job offers me a good income as well as great hours. Work can also be difficult if you do not have a supportive boss. My youngest has asthma and had chronic ear infections as a baby. The first 2 years of his life, I was at the doctor with him every 10-14 days. He has had tubes surgically placed in his ears three times. All of these occurrences take time away from work. As a single parent, you are the only one who can take time off, even with normal colds and such, this can eat up your sick and vacation days very quickly.
I think that it is do-able to work nights and then be with your child during the day. But, you really need to think though the fact that you will be tired during the day. I am sure that if you work nights, you are used to sleeping during the day. In most working situations, at least you and your child will typically be sleeping at the same time. Once your child is no longer an infant, they will be a completely different schedule than you.
All things said it is completely your choice. I have thought about another child in the future. It can be done, just please make sure that you completely think it through thoroughly before jumping in.
Also you need to think about how you will address things like school projects involving the father. (My kids make things for uncles and grandpa.) It is not a huge deal, but don?t let it catch you unawares.
Mother of two wonderful boys! Blessed through adoption.
It's a good time frame for me because I'll be stable in terms of a job and a house. My mom will hopefully still be in decent enough health to know any grandchild that I may have. I also may have endometirosis and I do have PCOS. I will probably need fertility treatments so getting pregnant before 30 may be better than waiting. Although even in 4 years, I may be infertile.
My current job, I get a lot of vacation time and sick time. I get 100 hours of vacation time every year and I get sick time at a slightly slower rate.
I don't know about the father thing. I know my father died when I was young, my grandfather is dead, and I only have sisters. Maybe they could make stuff for my sisters' husbands.
I haven't had my child yet, but I am and will be single by choice.
In my opinion it really all depends on you and your situation..how comfortable you feel about it. If you think you are stable enough in 3 or 4 years and have a good support system then go for it! Hundreads of people are single parents, but it doesn't work for everyone. Just make sure it will work for you. Good Luck!
I am a soon-to-be Single Mom by Choice. My baby is due March 15th. At 40 years old, I wanted to have a family but had no Significant Other. Depending on your insurance, it can be expensive. For me, the purchase of the donor sperm was the most expensive thing. Its about $600-700 per donor specimen.
It was also a bit heartbreaking while trying to conceive because its a 1-shot deal each month. The 2-week wait can be endless. A BFN at the end of the 2 weeks is heartbreaking. Hopefully, you have family members and friends to lean on.
Obviously, going through a pregnancy alone can be a bit tough but I have a huge family and lots of friends that help. I will only have 1 income so stashing cash for maternity leave is important. Also, you will need money to buy the essential baby stuff (dont leave it to other people to outfit your nursery and baby). Plus there is the added cost of daycare.
There is also a website called 'Single Mothers by Choice'. Check it out - there is a forum and lots of information.
You will also need Estate Planning, Power of Attorney, Revocable trust, will, guradianship and other documents drawn up which will run about $1000-$1500. You need these things in place as you are the only parent. Dont do them on the computer - use an estate attorney because it can get a little tricky. You will also need life insurance.
I really have not gotten any negative responses from people. The worst I have gotten is that 'it will be tough' - well DUH. Most folks are very happy for me and cant do enough. People are very curious and I have been very open the process. Its sprung up a lot of funny conversations actually.
Just because people are married, doesnt mean their lives are hunky dory. Everybody has challenges and if this is something that you want to do, think long and hard about it. Get your ducks in a row before hand, set money aside and make a plan.
this is a friend of mine funny enough. She is an amazing Mother!