Adoption

Bm to Bm... How did you decide?

Alright, so I have been super nervous since we made the decision to put this lo up for adoption. Knowing this is the right decision for the bf and myself I can't help but wondering how you knew you were making the right decision, and how did you deal with your family? My mother is very unsupporting in the situation and his family doesn't know. There are days I feel selfish even though I know I'm not doing this for me, but for the baby and others I can't imagine doing anything but giving someone this amazing gift. I guess I just need some friends who have gone through this because even though I know its right, I'm scared.

Re: Bm to Bm... How did you decide?

  • Jus today my dad's family made it very clear that I am the embarrassment of the family for placing LO. But I am not doing it for them, I'm not even doing it for me. I'm doing it for my little girl so she can have a good life. Everyone else is irrelevant; even though you're placing, you will still be LO's parent and it is in your hands to do the right thing. I don't know your personality, but I told my dad's family to kiss my pregnant a for being so negative. Be strong, we are here for you!
    BabyName Ticker
  • I tried to be logical about it. I researched how much things cost, how much I made at my job (which was a pretty good one for a high school graduate), and what our lives would look like as I raised M. It became clear to me that I wouldn't be able to change jobs, finish college, or give M the kinds of opportunities I would want for my children to have. Moreover, I really didn't want M's birth dad to be his father figure (he wasn't a bad guy. He just wasn't anywhere near being able to be someone's dad).

    I didn't want to be stuck in a job that wasn't very interesting, nor did I want M to spend all day in a daycare and then all night being taken care of by relatives while I tried to finish college. I wanted M to have a stable home and a mom who could stay home with him until he was preschool-aged.

    And I found a family that was able to provide those things for M. He has an older sister as well. On top of that, they're encouraging him to be musical (M's BF and I were in a band together when we got pg), and are shepherding his sensitive personality with gentleness (which was important to me).

    It's hard to know, I think, when you're in the middle of it, especially when you aren't getting support in your decision. The emotions are so high, and you love LO so much. But man, I'm positive I made the right decision for M and for me. I was not even close to being ready to be a parent. He didn't deserve to be parented by me! But I did a great job parenting him by placing him with those who would be able to continue parenting him really well.

    M is seven now and the most wonderful kid. Bright and shy and funny and kind. Even though I still get sad about parting with that sweet little baby in the hospital, I don't ever feel like I made the wrong decision.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers
    Application approved Dec '11
    Mar '12: Homestudy interrupted by change in Uganda requirements - where do we go from here?
    After searching and searching, back with Uganda but with our homestudy agency's program.
    Homestudy complete July 19
    USCIS I-600A submitted July 20. Biometrics appointments arrived Aug 17; fingerprinted Aug 21; 171H received Sept 25th. On the wait list Oct 1st: #18. By Jan 25th, we're #13!
    Come home, baby A!
  • Loading the player...
  • I tried to be logical about it. I researched how much things cost, how much I made at my job (which was a pretty good one for a high school graduate), and what our lives would look like as I raised M. It became clear to me that I wouldn't be able to change jobs, finish college, or give M the kinds of opportunities I would want for my children to have. Moreover, I really didn't want M's birth dad to be his father figure (he wasn't a bad guy. He just wasn't anywhere near being able to be someone's dad).

    I didn't want to be stuck in a job that wasn't very interesting, nor did I want M to spend all day in a daycare and then all night being taken care of by relatives while I tried to finish college. I wanted M to have a stable home and a mom who could stay home with him until he was preschool-aged.

    And I found a family that was able to provide those things for M. He has an older sister as well. On top of that, they're encouraging him to be musical (M's BF and I were in a band together when we got pg), and are shepherding his sensitive personality with gentleness (which was important to me).

    It's hard to know, I think, when you're in the middle of it, especially when you aren't getting support in your decision. The emotions are so high, and you love LO so much. But man, I'm positive I made the right decision for M and for me. I was not even close to being ready to be a parent. He didn't deserve to be parented by me! But I did a great job parenting him by placing him with those who would be able to continue parenting him really well.

    M is seven now and the most wonderful kid. Bright and shy and funny and kind. Even though I still get sad about parting with that sweet little baby in the hospital, I don't ever feel like I made the wrong decision.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers
    Application approved Dec '11
    Mar '12: Homestudy interrupted by change in Uganda requirements - where do we go from here?
    After searching and searching, back with Uganda but with our homestudy agency's program.
    Homestudy complete July 19
    USCIS I-600A submitted July 20. Biometrics appointments arrived Aug 17; fingerprinted Aug 21; 171H received Sept 25th. On the wait list Oct 1st: #18. By Jan 25th, we're #13!
    Come home, baby A!
  • I had to. It was this or get kicked out. I didnt have a job. nor a car. and I had a 4 year old son. My mom wasnt supportive during hte pregnancy. She thought that after I had him that I was going to keep him, so after he wasborn and I was crying talking to my son over the phone in the hospital she kept tellign me that I dont want to keep him because I dont want to let the dads down.. [Im a people pleaser]. My dad and stepmom and family wanted me to give my baby to my dad and stepmom to raise. By the end of my pregnancy they even bribed me a car. 

     

  • I was in high school at the time. Every time I sat down and tried to do the math of how I could afford all that we needed and continue my education, I could not get it to all add up. In each parenting scenario that I worked out there was always too much money needed and not enough hours in a day left over for me to spend anytime with my baby after school and work. And there were so many unknowns- if the birthfather and I would stay together in the long run, would I be able to graduate HS while taking care of a baby? Who would watch the baby while I worked? which college I would get into?, could I get a good paying job?, Where could we live? (my parents said I had to find a place of my own after high school).......None of the scenarios were what I had envisioned for my children. The pen and paper said adoption would provide the most for my baby, but every part of my heart wanted to parent. Adoption was a far off thought and I still just worked the numbers every night trying to figure out how I could get it to work, until my mom brought me to an agency just to hear them out and I learned about open adoption. After that I was open to the idea, but still far from feeling like I could do it.

     I did not feel any certainty in my decision until I met my birthson's parents. The more I got to know them the more certain I became that they would be his parents. And once my mind was completely made up, I told them. Making my heart follow the conclusion that I had come to was very difficult, but knowing he was going to a home that could provide for him all that I wanted for him made it possible for me to do so. 

    I'm sorry your family is not offering you support when you need it most. I hope you have some people in your life who are there for you during this difficult time. If not, I highly suggest seeking counseling. I found the support groups and counseling very helpful. 

    Hope that helps. Happy to answer any questions you have. And everyone here is very supportive and helpful if you want to talk.   

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I met with a counselor through the agency I chose. I was open with her discussed all of my "requirements" like i wanted a family that couldnt have biological children versus a couple that could but chose not too. I wanted to be able to connect with them. I chose a family that had similar family values, religion and interests as myself and the birth father. In the end I felt such a deep connection with them throughout my pregnancy they in a sense became family. It wasnt a easy decision and i still have a hard time adjusting with it but I trust them and to me thats what made me feel like I chose the right family. TRUST

     

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Thank you so much for the insight! I wish sometimes these decisions were easier to make but such is life, correct? I'm so ready to get the ball rolling and find a family for this little bean.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"