Military Families

Best Way to Support my SIL during her First Deployment?

Hello!

Intro, I'm a newbie, more over on Blended Families as my DH has a DD with his ExW.  I'm popping in here to get some info one how to best support to SIL  during her first deployment with her DH, my little bro.  He's in USMC, they met while he was stationed at 8th and I in Washington D.C.  For my family, it's his fourth deployment, the previous three were in Iraq, this one is Afganistan.  She's not from a military family and they moved to N.C. last summer, were married in Oct.  He's out of state on pre-deployment now, so she's been visiting home (MO).  

I would like some guidance on how to best support her.  I know this is a very, very emotional time.  They will be here for a weekend before he goes (we live in MN) and than get their honeymoon before he goes.  How can help her once he's deployed?  I'm not sure if she'll be in N.C. or MO.  I know we're going to bring her up here to visit while he's deployed, but I want to do more.  Care packages, cards, calls, texts?  We're friends, but not an overly close family.  I just want her to know we care about her and want to be as supportive as I can.

Thank you for any guidance!!!!! 

Re: Best Way to Support my SIL during her First Deployment?

  • IMO the best way to support her is to stay in contact with her, but do it normally.  Don't call or text and constantly ask how she is feeling, how she is handling it, etc.  It drove me nuts when people would do that because I felt like they were waiting for me to say I was miserable or couldn't drag myself out of my bed crying.  Just call or text regularly to talk.

    I go home at least once during the deployment, but never for extended periods of time.  I always like when people come visit me too though.  If you want to send her some care package type things or gifts you could do gift cards for take out, a pedicure, redbox, etc.  A nice girly pampering box, or movie box would be good too, just depends on what/how you would send it.  

    Also, since it's her first deployment how much support she needs could definitely vary.  Personally I'm fine during deployments and just get into a routine like normal, but there's other people who have a really hard time with deployments and need more support, sometimes counseling and family interventions.  So just pay attention as best as you can from a distance to see if she needs more support. 

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  • Everything you suggested is great.  You sound like a wonderful SIL.  The only few tidbits I have to offer are: making sure you don't forget about calls/texts/emails as she gets further into the deployment.  My family started out ok, but towards the middle to the end of the deployment a few people stopped calling and emailing.  I used to email fairly regularly with my SIL (DH's sis) and she didn't call or email for a month during DH's last deployment and it still bothers me.

    Check how she's doing, acknowledge that is must be hard, but don't talk about it every time.

    Gift certificates for pampering are always appreciated.  Chocolate and flowers are nice too :-)

    It sounds like you have a great handle on things. 

     

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  • Thank you!!!!  I appreciate the responses.  My sister and I did a few things for our SIL before their wedding and want to do more now.  We have a good relationship and want to be supportive, without being intrusive.  We want to be supportive and want to do it in a way that is comfortable for SIL.  I really appreciate your advice!
  • When you call and talk to her, don't sound like you feel sorry for her or ask how she is all the time.  It drives me nuts when people call and talk to me like my husband is never coming back.  "How are you holding up?  Are you ok?  What can we do for you?"  I appreciate that they care, but the tone drives me crazy.  Just call and talk to her like it's any other day.  

    Chat on FB or what ever.  Post some funny pictures on her wall.  Send her flowers for Valentines Day or send a fun care package every now and then.  If you can do visit her at some point, I'm sure that would mean a lot to her.  Having some one else in the house, can be a comfort beyond words.   

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  • imageiluvmytxrgr:

    When you call and talk to her, don't sound like you feel sorry for her or ask how she is all the time.  It drives me nuts when people call and talk to me like my husband is never coming back.  "How are you holding up?  Are you ok?  What can we do for you?"  I appreciate that they care, but the tone drives me crazy.  Just call and talk to her like it's any other day.  

    Chat on FB or what ever.  Post some funny pictures on her wall.  Send her flowers for Valentines Day or send a fun care package every now and then.  If you can do visit her at some point, I'm sure that would mean a lot to her.  Having some one else in the house, can be a comfort beyond words.   

    better yet remind your brother of these holidays and offer to help arrange the gift giving Smile And I agree with visiting her, company is always helpful!

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