Socializing my only child

SoDoMojo

DS is at the weird stage where he wants to play with other kids, but he doesn't know how. Does that make sense? When we go to the toddler time at the community center he refuses to play with others. He's kinda shy I guess. Or he'll pick an older kid to follow and the older kids never want to play with a 2 year old. When we're out and he sees other kids (typically older) running and playing he says things like "I play kids" or "Kids running. I run too". It breaks my heart that he wants to run after strangers at the zoo, but won't interact when I take him someplace for that exact reason! 

I'm shy too, so a "mom group" sounds freaking terrifying. But I know if I joined something where we'd see the same kids more often he'd probably warm up to them. I'm thinking about putting him in a coop-preschool. Like a 2 day/wk thing. He'd surely warm up that way, right? And he'd benefit from not being alone with me all the time.

DS is (and will be) an only child. I've been super anxious recently worrying about how he'll be lonely or socially awkward. He's just recently starting to play pretend and with no other kids to play pretend with I stress that he won't imagine enough. I'm way over thinking this, right? RIGHT?!

Do many kids go thru a "want friends but don't know how to play together" stage? Only children turn out okay all the time don't they? Goddamn mommy guilt. It's driving me crazy! 

Anyways... TL;DR. Don't really know my point, just advice on socializing a kid this age (turned 2 in Nov).

Parenting is hard. 

shopgirl78

Preschool.  Also... 

Most toddlers parallel play--meaning they don't play with another child but next to another child.  My son is still in this phase and he has 2 older siblings.  Usually in the 3rd year, kids start associative play (playing with others).

And join a mom's group...they are fun!  

klondikebar

My youngest was extremely shy around that age. We did a lot of activities at the library where we were in the same setting, but sometimes with different children. It took a while, but he eventually warmed up. He's still shy, but he now plays with the other children at preschool. It can be frustrating, but all you can do is make the situations available to him and let him work it out. Don't stress too much:)

missymo

I have an only child as well, so I'm not exactly sure, but I DO think you might be over thinking it.

I don't know the stats, but I would surmise that most firstborn kids are either an only child at 2 years old, or have a sibling way too young to play with. So, lots of kids are without a playmate at home.

Personally, I am looking forward to preschool in the fall. I do think it is really great for children to have time to socialize. For now, story time is a good precursor, I think.

nancy30005

OP - I could have written this myself. Seriously.

I will weigh in when my attached DS gets off my hip since he thinks my laptop is for Elmo. 

You are not alone, my friend.  

SoDoMojo

Thanks y'all. I've been tossing the preschool idea around in my head for awhile now. Maybe next week I'll actually go do some research. I think he'd really like it!

The stress of making sure I don't ruin my kid for life is never ending! Gah! 

nancy30005

SoDoMojo:

Thanks y'all. I've been tossing the preschool idea around in my head for awhile now. Maybe next week I'll actually go do some research. I think he'd really like it!

The stress of making sure I don't ruin my kid for life is never ending! Gah! 

I know exactly what you mean.

We do library time (other kids roam, he's glued to my lap).

We take a music class (he will NOT independently walk and demands to be carried with the best tantrum Music Class has seen).

We play with good/familiar friends (and I cannot be out of his sight).  

Good news is, it might be taking a turn. Music class (I told him it hurts my back - it's true!) - and he's started getting more mobile but still needs me in his sights.

We don't have any family here, so the friends we have (and have met) have been awesome with helping us socialize.

We are also looking into preschool in the fall. Maybe just two mornings a week. I still can't take him to the gym so the thought of preschool makes me very anxious.

Good luck to you (I promise, at least for us) things started changing with baby steps. I am still on this journey and we should keep in touch and share  progress and tips.

Please keep me posted. I also still love your sig.  

nanabanana06

I was an only child. I loved things like daycare, camps, and play groups.

catycate

I think preschool is a great idea, but I do think you are overthinking it. A lot of time, kids this age actually prefer to play by themselves, at their own pace, doing what they want to do. I know you said you were shy, but it would probably be a great idea to reach out to some moms groups for some play time with you around. Maybe you will hit it off with a couple of other moms and you could do some playdates with you included. I find a balance of independent playtime (preschool) and facilitated playtime (playmates) works well for my previously anxious DS. That way, I can help him navigate sometimes and other times, he works through it on his own.

SoDoMojo

I had a good thing going: 2 of my friends were SAHMs and they live a mile away. We'd play multiple times a week with them and he really likes those kids (one girl is his age and the other two are a few years older). But then my friends both decided to go back to work, leaving me friendless during the week. Damn them! Why didn't they consult with me first?! 

I over think a lot of things in life, but when it comes to DS I can get a little insane. I'm sure many of you can relate to that.  

nancy30005

SoDoMojo:

I had a good thing going: 2 of my friends were SAHMs and they live a mile away. We'd play multiple times a week with them and he really likes those kids (one girl is his age and the other two are a few years older). But then my friends both decided to go back to work, leaving me friendless during the week. Damn them! Why didn't they consult with me first?! 

I over think a lot of things in life, but when it comes to DS I can get a little insane. I'm sure many of you can relate to that.  

Well you should just show them, and come to ATL so we could all play!  

Wufroggy79

As others have said 2-3 is all about parallel play.  DD has eight other kids to play with all day at school, and every single one does parallel play.

Glitter Pop

DS used to be very similar. He wouldn't let me out of his sight and cried whenever I would put him down in an unfamiliar place.

He started going to the church nursery on Sundays and started preschool in September an he is doing fantastic! He loves going and can barely kiss me before he's running off into class. I am very shy and I don't have any Mom friends, so getting him the socialization had been hard.

He now thrives when I'm not around and he loves playing with his friends.

nancy30005

Glitter Pop:

DS used to be very similar. He wouldn't let me out of his sight and cried whenever I would put him down in an unfamiliar place. He started going to the church nursery on Sundays and started preschool in September an he is doing fantastic! He loves going and can barely kiss me before he's running off into class. I am very shy and I don't have any Mom friends, so getting him the socialization had been hard. He now thrives when I'm not around and he loves playing with his friends.

This is really awesome to hear.

How long did it take before he "loved" it? Was dropping off a nightmare?

Also, he is gorgeous. 

Glitter Pop

nancy30005:

Glitter Pop:

DS used to be very similar. He wouldn't let me out of his sight and cried whenever I would put him down in an unfamiliar place.

He started going to the church nursery on Sundays and started preschool in September an he is doing fantastic! He loves going and can barely kiss me before he's running off into class. I am very shy and I don't have any Mom friends, so getting him the socialization had been hard.

He now thrives when I'm not around and he loves playing with his friends.

This is really awesome to hear.

How long did it take before he "loved" it? Was dropping off a nightmare?

Also, he is gorgeous. 

Thank you! We started with church first and that was rough for a few weeks. When he started preschool he kissed me bye and never looked back. He was the only kid who didn't cry. Up until a few weeks ago he always cried when I picked him up...like he would see me and start crying. His teacher was always mortified and would swear he was happy all day. I think he just did it because he suddenly realized I was gone. Now he jumps up and down and shouts, "Hi Momma!" When he sees me. I am a huge advocate of preschool, he learns so much there and he loves it!

Mamapoo

Could you do a preschool co op so he has you with him sometimes and can socialize with the comfort of having you with him?

Mamapoo

Oops,i guess I skipped a paragraph in your post! Disregard my comment

SoDoMojo

Mamapoo:

Could you do a preschool co op so he has you with him sometimes and can socialize with the comfort of having you with him?

This is the type of pre-school I've looked into the furthest so far. There's a pretty cool one really close. I like the idea of doing the co-op to help us get more into our community and also ease him into being without me. I bet after a few times in school he'd venture out to play on his own or parallel with others. 

I was worried about bringing up pre-school to DH since DS is still pretty young. Surprisingly he was on board right away. He thinks I deserve a few hours to myself and it could do nothing but benefit DS. 

SoDoMojo

Mamapoo:

Oops,i guess I skipped a paragraph in your post! Disregard my comment

I refuse to disregard your comment.  

Mamapoo

SoDoMojo:

Mamapoo:

Could you do a preschool co op so he has you with him sometimes and can socialize with the comfort of having you with him?

This is the type of pre-school I've looked into the furthest so far. There's a pretty cool one really close. I like the idea of doing the co-op to help us get more into our community and also ease him into being without me. I bet after a few times in school he'd venture out to play on his own or parallel with others. 

I was worried about bringing up pre-school to DH since DS is still pretty young. Surprisingly he was on board right away. He thinks I deserve a few hours to myself and it could do nothing but benefit DS. 

 

Yeah, I've been looking into them for DS also, because I figure once he gets used to it, he'll love it. It'll give him a chance to play, and give us something to do together, just the two of us

PrideandJoy29

Preschool sounds like a good idea.

SoDoMojo

mbenit4:

My DD was a leg hugger (what I used to call her). No one believes me now because she is so outgoing and friendly now. We put her in soccer at 3. I believe this helped. She had to leave mommy's leg. She was also in dance. I feel this helped too. Since then she has played basketball and is in Girl Scouts.

We plan on putting DS in either soccer or karate. He is very clingy to SO so it will be interesting to see how it goes.

DS is already in soccer. It's a "parent & me" type of class. He loves it! He has started talking to me about Kylee (a girl from class). I think he's got a little crush. *squee* 

C12H22O11

DS is an only; just turned three. He's always gravitated toward older kids. I wouldn't characterize him as shy, but he's honestly just started to grasp the concept of interacting while playing in the last 5 or 6 months. Prior to that, we'd play in the same space, but that's it.

FWIW, his older cousins 6 mos to 3 years older seemed to hate playing with him last summer. I'm hoping that this summer, since he's learned the "art" of group play, that things will go more smoothly.