2 1/2 year old rough with baby

Cgilb

I'm looking for some advice on how to address this situation.  I have a soon to be 3 year old girl and a 12 week old baby girl.  I'm constantly having to hover over my toddler when she's around her little sister for fear of her harming her.  She will act like she's going to hug her or stroke her head, but is WAY too rough when she does these things.  For example, she will walk over to the baby in her little bouncy seat and put her hand on the top of her head and push down really hard and say, "Ohhh, little one, I love you!" (and she'll say it really loud and get right in the baby's face when she says it.  I honestly don't know if she thinks she's being sweet or not. Since the day the baby was born I've been telling her to be gentle and showing her what that means by gently stroking the baby, etc.  I tell her specific rules like, we do not squeeze the baby.  We do not touch the top of the baby's head.  She will even repeat the rules back to me, but then a half hour later I'll see her breaking the same rule!  I feel like such a jerk if I tell her she's not allowed to touch or be around her sister.  I make sure to give her plenty of my attention and often spend a good hour of just one-on-one time with her while the baby naps each day.  

Has anybody every experienced anything like this?  What did you do to address it?  Any advice would be appreciated!  Thanks! 

aglenn

Yes, it is a constant battle.  Sometimes I feel like DD is actually being a little aggressive, and other times it seems accidental.  I just have to monitor very closely and never leave them together unattended.  DD is old enough now to definitely understand the difference between a gentle touch and a rough touch, so it is not a learning thing.  Wish I had the answer; I just continue to correct the behavior and if she is being outright aggressive (for example, DS is pulling up and walking and she will take his hands off of the table when he's holding on and throw him down on the floor) she goes immediately to her room for time out.  That stuff I don't tolerate.  The general hugging too hard, in his face all the time stuff I just keep showing her a better way to play with DS. 

I know she is struggling with having a sibling and it has all been very hard on her.  I try my best to be sensitive to that and not nitpick her every move around DS, but of course I also have to keep him safe.  It is hard.

Cgilb

That's exactly how I feel.  I never know if I'm being too hard on her or not!  I'm constantly second-guessing myself.  Thanks for sharing though, it's good to know I'm not alone!

stever

We have this problem a bit. DS1 has had his whole life learning what it means to be gentle because of us training him to not terrorize the cat, so he knows what it means to be gentle, but when he's tired or in a bad mood he can be a bit louder or rougher than I'd like. I generally tell him to stay away from the baby when he's in a mood.

JulySpark05

We went through the same thing, well still go through it sometimes but for the most part it's gotten a lot better. Not sure that there is much more you can do then what you are currently doing. I'm sure it's probably just a phase so hang in there!

islelily

We have the same issues with DS1 and DS2. He will want to go over to DS2 and give him a kiss or hug. He gets right in his face and gets a little too close to covering his whole face. Or his hugs will be trying to pull DS2 by the neck. Then there is the blatant hitting the top of his head when he's frustrated that he wants attention too. The hits and any other obvious hurt is an automatic time out or taking a toy away (removing the iPad for example) for a brief period. He must then apologize to baby brother and mom/dad.

A lot of the problem is that he just doesn't know how he has to be gentle all the time with the baby. That babies can't handle such strong squeezes and such. I'm hoping it is a phase too.

A friend suggested getting a baby doll and really playing it up on how to  be gentle, giving examples, etc, with the baby doll.